Richard Brautigan - The Hawkline Monster - A Gothic Western

The monster drifted off the lip of the jar and glided across the laboratory to land on the bottom step of the stairs that led upward to the house.

The shadow clumsily followed behind it, darker than the darkness in the room, more silent than complete silence and alone in the tragedy of its servitude to evil.

Then the Hawkline Monster flowed like a reverse waterfall up the stairs. It sparkled and reflected as it moved. The shadow followed behind it, a reluctant complement of darkness. The Hawkline Monster stopped at a dim space of light that shined under the laboratory door.

It was waiting for something to happen. The light of the monster was now almost surgical in its perception. It looked under the door and down the hall.

The monster was anticipating something about to happen.

The shadow waited behind the Hawkline Monster. The shadow wished that it could look out underneath the door to see what was happening, but, alas, its role in life was only to follow and so it detailed itself right behind the ass of the Hawkline Monster.

Everybody started to leave the parlor to go downstairs and pour out the Hawkline Monster but just as they reached the door and one of the Hawkline women had her hand on the knob, Cameron said, “Hold it for a second. I want to get myself a little whiskey.” He walked over to the table where the liquor was in various cut-glass decanters. He paused, trying to figure out which bottle was the whiskey. Then one of the Hawkline sisters said, “It’s the bottle with the blue top.”

That Miss Hawkline was carrying a lamp.

Cameron took a glass and poured himself a big slug of whiskey. Greer thought that this was strange because Cameron never took a drop before a job and certainly the destruction of the monster was a job.

Cameron held the glass of whiskey up to his nose. “Sure smells like the good stuff.”

Greer in sudden anticipation of killing the monster did not notice that Cameron, though he had poured himself a big glass of whiskey, did not take a drink from it. When they left the room, he was carrying the glass in his hand.

Then a parlor door opened to the hall and one of the Hawkline sisters stepped into the hall, followed by another sister and Greer and Cameron who had a glass of whiskey in his hand.

The shadow could not see over the Hawkline Monster but the shadow heard the door opening and the people coming out into the hall. It wondered what was up, why the monster was so interested in the people at this time. Then the shadow shrugged. It was useless to continue with this line of thought for there was nothing that the shadow could do about it. The shadow could only follow the Hawkline Monster which it hated.

The Hawkline Monster watched them come down the hall toward the laboratory door. It waited, contemplating what form of action to follow next. It tried to realize a container, a shape to put its magic and its spells in and then to evoke that container upon these people who threatened its existence.

The shadow by now had given up trying to figure out what was happening. The shadow just didn’t give a fuck anymore.

“Do you think we need a gun?” Greer said to Cameron.

There was no reply.

Greer thought that perhaps Cameron hadn’t heard him, so he repeated the question.

“To kill a jar?” Cameron said.

The Hawkline women smiled.

Greer did not get the joke. He also did not notice that Cameron still had the glass of whiskey in his hand. Greer was unusually excited by the prospect of direct confrontation with the Hawkline Monster.

Cameron was carrying the glass of whiskey the same way he carried a pistol, casual but professional, waiting to be supereffective without any impression of menace.

Even the monster watching from underneath the laboratory door paid no attention to the glass of whiskey in Cameron’s hand.

The Hawkline Monster had by now formulated a plan to take care of the threat to its life. The monster smiled at its own cunning. It liked the plan because it was so fiendish.

The monster suddenly backed its ass up and moved down a step toward the laboratory floor and knocked the unsuspecting shadow down two steps.

Fuck! the shadow thought and tried to regain some of its nonexistent dignity while keeping a close watch now on the Hawkline Monster, so that it could follow what the monster did next because that is the business of shadows.

As they walked down the hall, they passed the elephant foot umbrella stand and Cameron could not but count the umbrellas in the stand.

… 7, 8, 9 .

Nine umbrellas.

Miss Hawkline paused beside the stand. There was something very familiar about it but she could not figure out what it was. There was just something very familiar. She wondered what it was.

“What is it?” Greer said.

Miss Hawkline was standing there staring at the umbrella stand. She thought that she had paused there for just a few seconds but it was longer than that and she did not realize it because she was lost in total curiosity.

She was holding up the possible demise of the Hawkline Monster.

“This elephant foot umbrella stand is very familiar,” she said, addressing her sister. “Is it familiar to you?”

Her sister, who was also Miss Hawkline, took a look at it. Her gaze was suddenly equally intent. “Yes, it is familiar but I don’t know what it is about it that is familiar. It almost reminds me of a person but I can’t quite figure out who it is. It’s somebody I’ve met, though.”

Greer and Cameron looked at each other and then carefully around the hall. They were looking for the monster but they didn’t see it. This conversation about the elephant foot umbrella stand had all the markings of the kind of stuff the monster would pull off.

But the monster was nowhere in sight, so they mentally put aside this Hawkline sister concentration as mere eccentricity.

“It certainly does remind me of somebody,” Miss Hawkline said.

“Why don’t you think about it later after we’ve finished off the monster? There’ll be plenty of time for you to figure out who it is, then,” Cameron said.

The Hawkline Monster backed down the stairs to the laboratory, causing a shimmering flow of light like an ungodly waterfall. It also caused a confused inept shadow to bungle along in front of it.

The Hawkline Monster was now very confident. It knew how to handle things and looked forward in anticipation to the results of its power.

The Hawkline Monster had conceived of a diabolical fate for Greer, Cameron and the Hawkline women. It considered the plan one of the best things that it had ever come up with. It was the true amalgamation of mischief and evil.

The Hawkline Monster almost laughed as it strategically retreated down into the laboratory with its shadow scrambling awkwardly, tumbling goofily and carrying on in a demeaning, laughable manner as it tried to perform the perfunctory tasks of a shadow.

The Hawkline Monster was basking in confidence as it drifted and flowed down the stairs. What did it need to worry about because after all, did it not have the power to change objects and thoughts into whatever form amused it?

Miss Hawkline opened the iron door to the laboratory. She pulled back the two bolts and took the key from her pocket which soon released the huge padlock. All the time that she was opening the door, her mind was fixed on the elephant foot umbrella stand trying to figure out what person it reminded her of. The recognition of that person hovered right on the edge of her mind.