Michael Cunningham - Specimen Days

“Through me many long dumb voices,” Simon said.

“The business with the poetry is interesting.”

“I hate it.”

“You dream, right?”

“In my way.”

“Do you like being alive?”

“Let’s say I feel attached to it.”

“Do you worry about dying?”

“Programmed to. There’s a survival chip.”

“Well, we’re all programmed, don’t you think? By our makers?”

“I’m not feeling all that philosophical at the moment. So, you’re Exedrol?”

“Yep. When my mother got pregnant with me, she took a few handfuls.”

“Deliberately?”

“She thought Exedrol had some kind of program. Monthly reparation checks. I don’t know who told her that.”

“She intentionally took a drug that would deform her child?”

“What can I say? She was always looking for a scam. She was that kind of person. I don’t blame her.”

“Come on.”

“She gave me life. Gratitude is the only appropriate response to everything that happens.”

“Biologicals are mysterious.”

“A couple of years ago she and I joined this group that called themselves Holy Fire. Creepy bunch, really. Those were a few of the more intelligent specimens you met back there.”

“She was a Christian.”

“She was whatever it took to get set up for a while. The Christians will feed you if you take the vows.”

“Is your mother still with them?”

“Naw. She met a guy. A roofer the tabernacle had leaks. I haven’t heard from her in almost a year.”

“She left you behind?”

“Roofer wasn’t interested in fatherhood. She figured the Christians would take better care of me than she could. They’re the ones that named me Luke. Biblical, you know.”

“Your real name being?”

“My real name is Luke. My old name was Blitzen. Like one of Santa’s reindeer? Mom was… never mind what Mom was.”

“And you pretended to believe in their god.”

“Oh, I do believe in their god. I just don’t like their methods.”

“Seriously.”

“I couldn’t be more serious. I’ve had the Holy Spirit in me for almost a year now.”

“Oh. Well. I guess that’s nice for you.”

“‘Nice’ is probably not the best word for what it is.”

Simon and Luke had returned to the Winnebago and were sitting with their backs propped against its right rear tire when Catareen returned. She was surprisingly quiet. There had been no footfall, no snap of twig. She was suddenly there. She held something behind her back.

She said, “I find.”

“You mean you really did catch something?” Simon said.

“Yes.”

“What is it?” Luke asked.

Catareen hesitated. Her eyes glowed in the darkness. She said, “I fix on other side.”

“You don’t want to show us?” Simon asked.

“I fix on other side,” she said. She took whatever it was she held and went to the far side of the vehicle.

“What’s the matter with her?” Luke asked Simon. “She’s embarrassed,” he answered.

“Why would she be embarrassed? If she really went out there and caught something we can eat, she’s a hero.”

“She doesn’t want to look like an animal to us.”

“She’s not an animal.”

“No. She’s not. But she’s not human, either. It’s strange for her, living here.”

“How would you know?”

“I can imagine. That’s all.”

Soon Catareen returned. She held the neatly skinned and filleted carcasses of two squirrels. She had removed their heads, feet, and tails. Her eyes dimmed and lidded, she offered them to Simon and the boy. Her cape was flecked with blood that shone darkly against the pale cloth. Simon hoped she didn’t see him notice it.

He said, “Thank you.”

“We’ll be eating them raw, then,” Luke said.

“I have an idea,” Simon said.

He raised the hood of the Winnebago and lifted the housing of the minireactor that had been nested into the place where a battery once resided. It put out a pale green glow. The squirrel carcasses would be mildly contaminated but not enough to cause serious harm.

He took them from Catareen. They were warm and slick. They were clearly things that had been alive. He experienced briefly something like what Catareen must have experienced, catching and killing the squirrels. There was an inner click. He could put no other word to it. There was hunger and a click, a small, electrical trill inside his chest. He looked at her.

He said again, “Thank you.” She nodded. She did not speak.

He laid the squirrel carcasses on the exposed reactor. He did it gently, as if they could feel pain. They made a soft sizzling sound on contact. They would not be cooked in the technical sense, but they would not be raw, either.

He stood over the carcasses as they slowly darkened. They put out a smell that was wild and sharp. Luke stood close by, watching. Catareen stood farther off. Simon had seen a vid once, ancient footage of a family engaged like this. The father was cooking meat on a fire as his wife and child waited for it to be done.

They ate the squirrels, which were stringy and bitter, with a strong chemical undertaste. Still, it was food. After they’d eaten, they slept in the back of the Winnebago. Catareen and the boy fit nicely on the two orange-cushioned benches bracketing the woodlike table-shelf. Simon, being larger, slept on the bedshelf that protruded over the Winnebago’s cab.

He dreamed about flying women wearing dresses of light.

They drove again at dawn. The land rolled on, high grasses and immensities of sky. The Winnebago cut a swath through the grass, which closed up immediately after. They left no trace behind. White fists of cloud roiled overhead, massing and dissolving.

“It all looks pretty normal,” Luke said.

“Hard to know, isn’t it?” Simon gazed out the windshield. “I mean, did clouds look like this before? Was the sky this shade of blue?”

“I’ve heard that the meltdown was in North Dakota. There was a secret underground facility there.”

“I’ve heard Nebraska. Near Omaha.”

“A guy I knew told me it was the coup de grace of the Children’s Crusade. Crazy kids with a really big bomb.”

“No, that was over by then. It was separatists from California.”

“That’s not what I heard. The California separatists turned out to be, like, seven or eight people in Berkeley, with no funds or anything. I have that on good authority.”

“They were bigger than that. They definitely did the thing with the drinking water in Texas.”

“Whatever. You know, some people think the evacuations weren’t necessary. Other people think it’s still not safe.”

“There’s no denying that the birds are gone.”

“Yeah, but I heard they’re reintroducing them on a trial basis. The tougher ones. Pigeons, sparrows, gulls.”

“Maybe they should think a little harder about reintroducing some of the people first.”

“Do you think there’s been an election?” Luke said.

“I’ve been wondering. Yeah, I think so. The laws seem to have changed.”

“I heard one of the presidents has been put in jail.”

“I heard the other president converted.”

“Well, there you go.”

They drove on, into the day, across the vast platter of the earth. They were able to go west in a straight line, relatively speaking. The directional kept them informed about what was ahead. They skirted the towns and settlements. They had to curve around the occasional stand of trees, but for mile upon mile there was nothing but fields that had once been grazing land or cropland and were now gone to grass. They saw deer. They saw coyotes. Always at a distance, tawny spots in the green immensity, watching them from afar. The larger animals were coming back, then.