Melanie Gideon - Wife 22

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Maybe it was my droopy eyelids. Maybe it was because I was about to turn the same age my mother was when I lost her. Maybe it was because after almost twenty years of marriage my husband and I seemed to be running out of things to say to each other.
But when the anonymous online study called 'Marriage in the 21st Century' showed up in my inbox, I had no idea how profoundly it would change my life. It wasn't long before I was assigned both a pseudonym (Wife 22) and a caseworker (Researcher 101).
And, just like that, I found myself answering questions.
7. Sometimes I tell him he's snoring when he's not snoring so he'll sleep in the guest room and I can have the bed all to myself.
61. Chet Baker on the tape player. He was cutting peppers for the salad. I looked at those hands and thought, I am going to have this man's children.
67. To not want what you don't have. What you can't have. What you shouldn't have.
32. That if we weren't careful, it was possible to forget one another.
Before the study, my life was an endless blur of school lunches and doctor's appointments, family dinners, budgets, and trying to discern the fastest-moving line at the grocery store. I was Alice Buckle: spouse of William and mother to Zoe and Peter, drama teacher and Facebook chatter, downloader of memories and Googler of solutions.
But these days, I'm also Wife 22. And somehow, my anonymous correspondence with Researcher 101 has taken an unexpectedly personal turn. Soon, I'll have to make a decision – one that will affect my family, my marriage, my whole life. But at the moment, I'm too busy answering questions.
As it turns out, confession can be a very powerful aphrodisiac.

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Bunny Kilborn… in memory of my husband

Bunny Kilborn, renowned Artistic Director of the Blue Hill Theater… that’s why I established The Jack T. Kilborn Scholarship for Emerging Playwrights… Jack was always such a huge supporter of the arts. He would have been thrilled to know…

GOOGLE SEARCH “Phil Archer”

About 18 results (.15 seconds)

Phil Archer… Conchita Martinez

Phil Archer and Conchita Martinez were married in St. Mary’s Church in Brockton, MA. Alice Buckle, daughter of the groom, gave Archer away… reception… Irish American Club on 58 Apple Blossom Road.

GOOGLE SEARCH “William Buckle”

About 15,210 results (.42 seconds)

William BUCKLE

William Buckle D &D Advertising-nominated for a Clio for his spot “Geotag” for Mondavi Wines.

William BUCKLE

Oakland Magazine : SEEN-William Buckle and Alice Buckle: Celebrating their 22nd wedding anniversary at FiG… sharing a rhubarb kumquat compote.

GOOGLE SEARCH “Alice Buckle”

About 25,401 results (.55 seconds)

ALICE BUCKLE

Ms. Buckle’s play I’m Protracting Our Goodbye debuts at the Blue Hill Playhouse… Boston Globe, “The emergence of a bright new talent. A true original, poignant, witty, sophisticated and sweet,” “a modern-day comedy of manners… misunderstandings and misinterpretations, underpinned with the sting of truth.”

GOOGLE SEARCH “Netherfield Center”

About 0 results (0 seconds)

Netherfield Center for the Study of Marriage…

We’re sorry but this page can no longer be found.

APPENDIX-THE QUESTIONNAIRE

1. How old are you?

2. Why did you agree to participate in this study?

3. How often do you have a conversation with your spouse that lasts more than five minutes?

4. How well does your spouse participate in the running of the household?

5. What would your spouse say your favorite food is?

6. When is the last time you ate your favorite food?

7. Tell us something you do that your spouse doesn’t know about.

8. What medications are you taking?

9. List three things that scare you.

10. Do you believe love can last?

11. Are you still in love with your spouse?

12. Do you ever think about leaving your spouse?

13. If so, what would stop you?

14. List five positive things about your spouse.

15. List three negative things about your spouse.

16. What is your favorite book?

17. How well do you think you know your spouse?

18. What did you used to do that you don’t do now?

19. What do you do now?

20. List your jobs chronologically.

21. Are you religious? Do you believe in God?

22. List your favorite part of your spouse’s body when you were in your twenties.

23. List your favorite part of your spouse’s body now.

24. Describe your first impression of your spouse.

25. Where did you go on your first date?

26. List some little irritations of marriage.

27. How many credit cards do you have?

28. How often do you Google yourself?

29. How does your marriage compare to your parents’ marriage?

30. What is the last anniversary gift you received from your spouse?

31. Describe your spouse when you first met him/her.

32. What do you wish you had known/been warned about regarding marriage?

33. Is your spouse a good listener?

34. Have you ever been ashamed in front of your spouse?

35. Do you and your spouse exercise together?

36. Is it okay for spouses to keep secrets?

37. Does your spouse do a good job communicating his/her needs to you?

38. What do you consider flirting?

39. What’s the last mean thing you said to your spouse?

40. What’s the last mean thing your spouse said to you?

41. Would your friends say you are happily married?

42. Would you say you’re happily married?

43. Describe your first kiss with your spouse.

44. What do you believe should NOT be done in public?

45. What’s the worst emotional state a person can be in?

46. Do you fake things? If so, give examples.

47. How many times a week do you exercise?

48. Finish this sentence: I feel loved and cared for when…

49. Whose marriage do you most admire?

50. If your spouse gave you one free pass to have sex with another person, whom would you choose?

51. If you gave your spouse one free pass to have sex with another person, whom would your spouse choose?

52. Do you and your spouse find the same things funny?

53. What is the most memorable place you ever had sex?

54. Do you and your spouse agree on how to educate your children about issues such as drug and alcohol use?

55. Do you get along with your in-laws?

56. What’s the last loving thing you said to your spouse?

57. What’s the last loving thing your spouse said to you?

58. What’s your favorite movie?

59. How often do you quarrel with your spouse?

60. What’s the sexiest book you’ve ever read?

61. Describe the moment you knew your spouse was “the one.”

62. Did you participate in any secular premarital counseling? If so, give an example of a question you were asked during counseling and your answer. Does it still hold true today?

63. Where did you get married?

64. Describe a situation when your spouse let you down.

65. What do you think about the current trend of couples divorcing based on spouses feeling more like roommates than lovers?

66. When is the last time you flirted with a person other than your spouse?

67. What does it mean to be good?

68. Describe how your marriage changed during your first pregnancy.

69. Write a letter to your daughter telling her what you can’t say in person.

70. Describe something you wouldn’t admit to your best friend.

71. List some things you wish you could stop doing but can’t.

72. Describe a cliché of parenthood that took you by surprise.

73. Was your second pregnancy different from your first?

74. Was your marriage adversely affected by the addition of another child?

75. Write a letter to your second child telling him what you can’t say in person.

76. How much money would it take to be happy, and does money make it easier to stay happily married?

77. Is marriage a dictatorship or a democracy?

78. If you had to explain marriage to an alien who had just arrived on earth, what would you say?

79. If somebody asked you to share a life lesson that you learned in your forties, what would it be?

80. Define passion in one sentence.

81. What did you imagine falling in love would be like when you were young?

82. Knowing what you know now, what advice would you give to your children about romance?

83. Give three reasons people should stay married.

84. Give one reason people should get divorced.

85. Have you had romantic feelings in the last year for a person other than your spouse?

86. Have you had sexual fantasies in the last year about a person other than your spouse?

87. Are you an advocate of gay marriage?

88. Has your life turned out the way you hoped it would?

89. List three things a spouse would do that you would find unforgivable.

90. Write a letter to your spouse telling your spouse what you can’t say in person.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

My deepest gratitude goes out to my agent, Elizabeth Sheinkman, who never stopped believing in this book. Abiding thanks to Jennifer Hershey, Jennifer Smith, Lynne Drew, and Sylvie Rabineau, as well as Gina Centrello, Susan Corcoran, Kristin Fassler, Kim Hovey, Libby McGuire, Sarah Murphy, Quinne Rogers, Sophie Baker, and Betsy Robbins-a writer couldn’t ask for a more crackerjack team. I’m very thankful for the keen insights and editorial acumen of Kerri Arsenault, Joanne Catz Hartman, and Anika Streitfeld, who were in the trenches with me right from the beginning. I’m also indebted to the readers who were kind enough to muddle through the first draft and give me honest and helpful feedback: Elizabeth Bernstein, Karen Coster, Alison Gabel, Sara Gideon, Robin Heller, and Wendy Snyder. A loud shout-out to my colleagues at the San Francisco Writers’ Grotto. And as always, none of this would be possible or mean anything without the two Bens.

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