Melanie Gideon: Wife 22

GOOGLE SEARCH “Happy Marriage?”

About 4,120,000 results (.15 seconds)

Hunting for the Secrets of a Happy Marriage-CNN

No one can truly know what goes on inside a marriage except the two people involved, but researchers are getting increasingly good glimpses…

Thin Wife Key to Happy Marriage! Times of India

Researchers have revealed the secret of a happy marriage-wives weighing less than their hubbies.

INGREDIENTS FOR A HAPPY MARRIAGE

1 cup kindness, 2 cups gratitude, 1 tablespoon daily praise, 1 secret carefully concealed.

SPAM Folder (3)

From: Medline

Subject: Cheap, cheap Vicodin, Percocet, Ritalin, Zoloft discreet

Date: May 1, 9:18 AM

To: Alice Buckle ‹alicebuckle@rocketmail.com›

DELETE

From: Hoodia shop

Subject: New tapeworm diet pills, tiny Asian women

Date: May 1, 9:24 AM

To: Alice Buckle ‹alicebuckle@rocketmail.com›

DELETE

From: Netherfield Center for the Study of Marriage

Subject: You’ve been selected to participate in a marriage survey

Date: May 1, 9:29 AM

To: Alice Buckle ‹alicebuckle@rocketmail.com›

MOVE TO INBOX

It occurs to me that I am the Frank Potter of my own small world. Not the social-climbing Frank Potter, but the in-charge Frank Potter-I am the chief drama officer of Kentwood Elementary. The anxious Alice Buckle that showed up at William’s vodka launch is not the Alice Buckle who is currently sitting on a bench out on the playground while a fourth-grader stands behind her and attempts in vain to style her hair.

“Sorry, Mrs. Buckle, but I can’t do anything with this,” says Harriet. “Maybe if you combed it once in a while.”

“If you combed my hair it would be nothing but frizz. It’d be a rat’s nest.”

Harriet gathers up my thick brown hair and then releases it. “I’m sorry to tell you, but it looks like a rat’s nest now. Actually, it looks more like a dandelion.”

Harriet Morse’s bluntness is a typical fourth-grade girl trait. I pray she won’t outgrow it by the time she gets to middle school. Most girls do. Myself, I like nothing better than a girl who says what she thinks.

“Maybe you should straighten it,” she suggests. “My mother does. She can even go out in the rain without it curling up.”

“And that’s why she looks so glamorous,” I say, as I see Mrs. Morse trotting toward us.

“Alice, I’m sorry I’m late,” she says, bending down to give me a hug. Harriet is the fourth of Mrs. Morse’s children to have cycled through my drama classes. Her oldest is now at the Oakland School for Performing Arts. I like to think I might have had something to do with that.

“It’s only 3:20. You’re fine,” I say. There are still at least two dozen kids scattered on the playground awaiting their rides.

“The traffic was horrible,” says Mrs. Morse. “Harriet, what in the world are you doing to Mrs. Buckle’s hair?”

“She’s a very good hairdresser, actually. I’m afraid it’s my hair that’s the problem.”

“Sorry,” Mrs. Morse mouths silently to me, as she digs in her handbag for a hair tie. She holds it out to Harriet. “Honey, don’t you think Mrs. Buckle would look great with a ponytail?”

Harriet comes around from the back of the bench and surveys me solemnly. She lifts my hair back from my temples. “You should wear earrings,” she pronounces. “Especially if you put your hair up.” She takes the hair tie from her mother and then reassumes her position behind the bench.

“So what can I do to help out this semester?” asks Mrs. Morse. “Do you want me to organize the party? I could help the kids run lines.”

Kentwood Elementary is filled with parents like Mrs. Morse: parents who volunteer before they’re even asked and who believe fervently in the importance of a drama program. In fact it’s the Parents’ Association at Kentwood that pays my part-time salary. The Oakland public school system has been on the verge of bankruptcy for years. Art and music programs were the first to go. Without the PA, I wouldn’t have a job.

There’s always some grade that has a cluster of high-maintenance parents who complain and are unhappy-this year it’s the third-but most of the time I consider the parents co-teachers. I couldn’t do my job without them.

“That looks lovely,” says Mrs. Morse, after a few minutes of Harriet pulling and tugging on my head. “I like the way you’ve given Mrs. Buckle a little pouf at the crown.”

Harriet chews her lip. The pouf was not intentional.

“I feel very BreakfastatTiffany’s ,” I say, as Carisa Norman comes flying across the playground and hurls herself on my lap.

“I’ve been looking all over for you,” she says, stroking my hand.

“What a coincidence. I’ve been looking all over for you,” I say, as she snuggles into my arms.

“Call me,” says Mrs. Morse, holding a pretend phone up to her ear as she and Harriet leave.

I take Carisa inside to the teacher’s lounge and buy her a granola bar from the vending machine, then we go sit on the bench again and talk about important things like Barbies and the fact that she’s embarrassed that she still has training wheels on her bike.

At 4:00 when her mother pulls up to the curb and beeps, I watch with a clenched heart as Carisa runs across the playground. She seems so vulnerable. She’s eight years old and small for her age; from the back she could pass for six. Mrs. Norman waves from the car. I wave back. This is our ritual at least a few days every week. Each of us pretending there’s nothing out of the ordinary about her being forty-five minutes late to pick up her daughter.

I love the hours between 4:30 and 6:30. The days are getting longer, and this time of year I usually have the house to myself; Zoe has volleyball practice, Peter, either band or soccer, and William rarely pulls into the driveway before 7:00. As soon as I get home, I do a quick run through the house, de-cluttering, folding clothes, going through the mail-then I get dinner ready. It’s Thursday, so it’s one-dish-meal night: things like lasagna and shepherd’s pie. I’m not a fancy cook. That’s William’s department. He does the special-occasion dinners, the ones that get lots of oohs and ahs. I’m more of a line chef; my meals aren’t flashy and are not very memorable. For instance, nobody has ever said to me, “Oh, Alice, remember that night you made baked ziti?” But I am dependable. I have about eight meals in my repertoire that are quick and easy that I have in constant rotation. Tonight, it’s tuna casserole. I slide the pan into the oven and sit down at the kitchen table with my laptop to check my email.

From: Netherfield Center

‹netherfield@netherfieldcenter.org›

Subject: Marriage Survey

Date: May 4, 5:22 PM

To: alicebuckle ‹alicebuckle@rocketmail.com›

Dear Alice Buckle,

Thank you for your interest in our study and for filling out the preliminary questionnaire. Congratulations! We’re happy to inform you that you have been selected to participate in the Netherfield Center Study-Marriage in the 21st Century. You have successfully met three of the initial criteria for inclusion in this study: married for more than ten years, school-age children, and monogamous.

As we explained to you in the preliminary questionnaire, this will be an anonymous study. In order to protect your anonymity, this is the last email we will send to you at alicebuckle@rocketmail.com. We’ve taken the liberty of setting up a Netherfield Center account for your use. Your email address for the purposes of the study is Wife22@netherfield