Melanie Gideon - Wife 22

I do not long for the old, unreachable days. When I’m plugged in I can go anywhere, do and learn anything. Today, for instance, I visited a tiny library in Portugal. I learned how the Shakers weave baskets and I discovered my best friend in middle school loves blood-orange sorbet. Okay, I also learned that a certain pop star actually believes she’s a fairy, an honest-to-goodness fairy from the fey people, but my point is access. Access to information. I don’t even have to look out my window to see what the weather is like. I can have the weather delivered every morning to my phone. What could be better?

Sincerely,

Wife 22

From: researcher101 ‹researcher101@netherfieldcenter.org›

Subject: Weather

Date: May 18, 1:26 PM

To: Wife 22 ‹Wife22@netherfieldcenter.org›

Wife 22,

Getting caught in the rain?

All the best,

Researcher 101

WEEKEND FORECAST

T HE B UCKLE H OUSEHOLD

529 I RVING D RIVE

ALERT: Rapidly Developing Class 3 Marital Storm

Saturday AM

Windchill:Cold. Extremely cold. Freezing out husband while trying to pretend nothing is wrong.

Hi:Making it through day without screaming.

Lo:Head in hands. Soft moaning. Constant bouts of shame and mortification imagining KKM employees emailing Cialis video to hundreds of friends and said video then going viral.

Visibility:Limited. Refuse to look above husband’s jaw in order to avoid eye contact.

Share Weather:send to nedrar@gmail.com

Instant Message from nedrar@gmail.com

Nedra: Poor William!

Alice: Poor William? Poor me!

Nedra: This is what you get for going behind William’s back.

Alice: Did you even watch the video?

Nedra: Want my advice?

Alice: That depends. What will it cost me?

Nedra: Forget you ever saw it.

Saturday PM

Heat Index:Very High. Boiling hot.

Hi:Sitting on the couch watching Masterpiece Theatre .

Lo:Mentally trying to count the number of times we’ve had sex in the past twenty years while pretending to watch Masterpiece Theatre . Can’t do sums in head. Use fingers to add. Estimate 859. What’s wrong with that?

Visibility:Poor to none. Dense fog while trying to guess the number of times we’ll have sex in the next twenty years.

Share Weather:send to nedrar@gmail.com

Instant Message from nedrar@gmail.com

Nedra: Do not withhold sex.

Alice: Why not?

Nedra: This is not about sex.

Alice: What’s it about?

Nedra: Intimacy. There’s a difference.

Alice: What do you suggest?

Nedra: Reach out to him.

Alice: What kind of a divorce lawyer are you?

Sunday PM

Wind:Calming.

Hi:Horoscope says unexpected romance on its way.

Lo:Viewing Cialis video for the eighth time. In my defense, repeated viewings of video are the best way to desensitize myself to the horrific public humiliation inflicted by my husband. I think I deserve a medal. I tell my family I deserve a medal. For what, they ask.

Drought Conditions:Improving. I sat next to him on the couch.

Share Weather:Send to nedrar@gmail.com

Instant Message from nedrar@gmail.com

Nedra: Did you delete the bloody video?

Alice: Yes.

Nedra: Good girl. Now move on.

Alice: Horoscope says romance is on the way.

Nedra: Sure it is, sweetheart.

Alice: I just have to be patient.

Nedra You have it good. You know that, don’t you?

Alice: Being patient is not easy for a Virgo.

Nedra: Or a divorce lawyer. CU.

26.Not emptying out the coffee grinds. Pee on the bathroom floor. Not shutting the bathroom door while peeing. Reading over my shoulder. Jeans inside-out in the laundry basket.

27.Three, okay, five.

28.Once a year.

29.In every way. In no way. I can’t answer that question.

30.A book of stamps.

31.He was waiting in the courtyard of the Charles Hotel. Wearing his Walkman. He nodded at me, we took off, and he didn’t say a word for the entire run. I, on the other hand, didn’t shut up-at least in my head. Asics, huh; must have wide feet. Why isn’t he talking? Does he hate me? Are we doing something wrong? Am I supposed to pretend we’re not running together? Why doesn’t he run with Helen? Helen of Troy? What is he listening to? Is this a date? Jesus, he’s cute. What kind of game is he playing? He smells like Coast soap. Are my thighs jiggling? Yep, he just touched my breast with his elbow accidentally. Does he know it was my breast? Was it on purpose? Why isn’t he saying anything? Well, screw him, I’m not saying anything either.

We ran five miles in forty-one minutes. When we got back to Peavey Patterson he nodded once more, then went left, to the executive washroom. I turned right, to the employee bathroom. When I got back to my desk, my hair stuck up in a messy, limp ponytail, there was an email waiting for me. You run fast.

32.That if we weren’t careful, it was possible to forget one another.

From: Wife 22 ‹Wife22@netherfieldcenter.org›

Subject: Hello

Date: May 20, 11:50 AM

To: researcher101 ‹researcher101@netherfieldcenter.org›

Researcher 101,

Sorry it took so long to get back to you. Things haven’t been great between my husband and me, which makes it hard to answer the questions. Especially the ones about us falling in love.

All the best,

Wife 22

From: researcher101 ‹researcher101@netherfieldcenter.org›

Subject: Re: Hello

Date: May 20, 11:53 AM

To: Wife 22 ‹Wife22@netherfieldcenter.org›

Wife 22,

That’s completely understandable given the circumstances, although I have to say you do a wonderful job with the questions. You seem to remember all the details, which, come to think of it, may have something to do with the difficulty you’re experiencing. You recall your past so vividly. When I read your #31 I almost felt like I was there. I’m curious. Are you able to experience the present with the same sort of attention to detail?

I hope things have improved with your husband’s job situation.

Sincerely,

Researcher 101

From: Wife 22 ‹Wife22@netherfieldcenter.org›

Subject: Re: Hello

Date: May 20, 11:55 AM

To: researcher101 ‹researcher101@netherfieldcenter.org›

Researcher 101,

I’m not sure they’ve improved, but at least I’ve cut down the time I spend in the grocery store trying to choose between Minute Maid or Tropicana. Now I just grab the SunnyD. And no, I am not capable of experiencing the present with the same sort of attention to detail. But once the present becomes the past I seem to have no problem attending to it obsessively.:)