Iris Murdoch - The Book And The Brotherhood

'Come on, own up – none of those Rosencrantz and Guildenstern glances.'

'We are a sort of delegation,' said Gerard.

'Representing ourselves and Rose,' said Jenkin.

'Well, what is it, you're making me nervous.'

'Jean has left Crimond,' said Gerard.

Duncan handed Gerard the glass of sherry he had been holding. He poured himself out a neat whisky and said,'Oh.’

‘She‘s at Boyars with Rose.'

Duncan drank some of the whisk y, and sat down in a chiar opposite. His big sullen wrinkled face, his black-furred bull was turned toward Gerard, but his eyelids drooped.

‘We felt,' said Gerard, 'that we should come and tell you, simply tell you, in case you heard some story or rumour – and we wanted you to know where Jean was and that she was all right.’

'What is "simply tell me"? You mean you don't propose to offer advice?'

Of course we don't,' said Jenkin, 'we realise -'

‘Did he ditch her?'

'1 think Jean left him,' said Gerard, 'anyway she decided to, she wasn't forced to.'

There was a moment's silence.

‘Well,' said Duncan, rising to his feet again, 'I thank the delegation and ask it to depart.'

Gerard put down his glass. He and Jenkin rose. Jenkin said, ‘A11 this has only just happened. Before you decide what to do-‘

‘I’m not going to do a damn thing,' said Duncan. 'Why should I? I'm not even interested in your kind news. Goodnight.,

'I’m sorry, I was tactless,' said Jenkin to Gerard as they walked away down the road.

'He made tact impossible,' said Gerard. 'We did what had to be done.'

‘It’s my fault, I shouldn't have butted in. I've always felt Duncan didn't really like me.'

‘Don't be silly. Of course he didn't mean what he said. But I don’t know what he did mean. Come back to my place and we’ll ring Rose.'

Left to himself, for a while Duncan sat and sipped his whisky. He sat still and breathed deeply, sipping the whisky as if it were a medicine which might relieve some immediate threat of suffocation. Then suddenly he stood up and hurled his tumbler into the fireplace. He strode to the bookshelves and began pulling the books out, sending them crashing in all directions, he ran into the kitchen and swept a pile of plates onto the floor. He moaned, and beat upon the steel draining board with his fists, making a thunderous metallic drumming. He pounded the metal, lowering his head and wailing.

Rose opened the door. She had heard the sound, for which she had been waiting, of Duncan's car arriving upon the gravel drive. Duncan stepped out of the car and without hurry locked it up. He came to the door and through it, wiping his feet carefully upon the mat. It was raining. Rose closed the door and held out her hand. Duncan took her hand and kissed it, something he had never done before. No word was exchanged. Rose led the way into the drawing room .

'How is she?' said Duncan.

'All right. She looks like a ghost -'

'She's expecting me?'

'Yes. I didn't say a time.'

'She still wants to see me?'

'Yes, yes. You want to see her – you're not just coming out of-?

'Out of what?'

'Sense of duty, thinking it might do her good -'

'I feel it is my duty and I think it might do her good. On the other hand it might not. I am being guided by you.'

'Oh Duncan,' said Rose, 'you know what I mean!' She was feeling exhausted and ready to cry.

'Yes. I do want to see her,' said Duncan.

'And you hope -'

'I hope, but I am prepared for the worst.'

'What would that be?'

'Oh anything – her wanting to go back to him and only wanting to see me to explain it, her finding she hates the sight of me, my finding I hate the sight of' her. As we said on the telephone, it's a gamble.'

'You said it was.'

‘But as I think we agreed, it was better not to put it off.'

'You mean he might turn up?'

'Not particularly that. He might turn up at any time, whatever happens, between now and the end of the world.'

Rose shuddered. 'Would you like some coffee, or a drink:"

`No, thank you.'

`Well, if you're ready, I'll go up and tell her you're here.'

She went upstairs and into the bedroom. Jean, who had now been at Boyars for several days, was up and dressed and sitting on the green sofa which had been drawn up near the fire. She was wearing a tweed dress which belonged to Rose. The dress was too large for her, but pulled in at the waist by a belt. Her nankle was tightly strapped in an elasticated bandage. Slip stood up when Rose appeared.

She looked now to Rose like a stranger, a strange bony sharp-featured elderly woman in an ill-fitting dress. Her dark hair which Rose had, after insistence, helped her to wash, was fuzzy and untidy. Her thin hands were always restless, one now repeatedly smoothing her dress, the other picking at her throat. She had cried a great deal in the days at Boyars and her eyelids were red and swollen, conspicuous in her white face. She was tearless now however. As Rose approached her she lifted her hand from her dress and made a curious gesture in the air as if setting aside some invisible web or curtain. Rose could not help wishing that Jean could have been as beautiful as she used to be to receive Duncan.

`I heard the car.'

`Yes, he's here,' said Rose. 'Would you like to see him? There's no need to now if later would be better.'

`He wants to see me?'

`Yes, of course, that's why he's come!'

Gerard, who had made the arrangement with Rose by telephone, had misgivings which he had not expressed. He had simply not been able to make Duncan out. Gerard had expected, as Rose too had expected, some kind of gratifying scene in which Duncan would express relief, his love for his wife, his satisfaction that she had left 'that man', a touching gratitude to those who had stood by him and suppored his faith and his hope. Gerard imagined that, after the first understandable shock, Duncan would unburden himself as never before, rehearsing now the fears and hopes with which he had lived during this awful interim, and expressing atleast a sober confidence ina future where 'all would be mended'. Dunncan had declined any further meeting with Gerard, but they had talked on the telephone. Gerard had emphasised two things, that Jean had decided to leave Crimond, the parting was her initiative and her wish, and that Crimond had accepted her decision, so that they in fact parted by agreement. He added of course that Jean now very much wanted to see Duncan. He mentioned, vaguely, a car accident and a sprained ankle. Duncan listened to all this without comment, and eventually rang Rose to say that it'jean wished it, he would come. Rose, who had carefull ycomposed what Gerard was to say, to Duncan, was in. fact not at all sure that she had understood Jean's state of mind. She had been unable, talking to Jean, to make up any coherent picture of what had happened. Jean had been frantic with grief. grief, Rose could only assume, at having lost Crimond. For Rose recalled Jean's first cry of 'He's left me!' and did not believe in the 'cold mutual agreement' which Jean spoke of later. It was Gerard who had been so anxious to hurry on the meeting with Duncan. Rose felt it was premature. But Jean had actually said, in answer, it is true, to Rose’s repeated questions, that she wanted to see Duncan, and Rose had passed this on without qualification to Gerard. Gerard was certainly far from clear about Duncan's state of mind, even after he had realised how absurd his earlier expectaions were. Duncan's laconic coldness on the telephone had expressed a continuation of his attitude of 'what is it to me?', though he had, evidently after reflection, told Rose (not Gerard) that he would see Jean. But did he wish to see her perhaps simply to revile her? Might he even attack her? Duncan was Gerard's old friend, but he was also a fey creature, a big unpredictable bad-tempered wild animal. Of course, as Gerard later told himself, Duncan must feel the gravest doubts about the story of Jean deciding to leave and Crimond agreeing, and had excellent reasons for believing that Crimond would never let Jean go.