Jenny Downham - You Against Me

Mikey thought he was going to throw up, didn’t even bother moving his feet when Jacko tried to find space to sit on the rug.

‘So,’ Mum said, ‘how long’s it been going on?’

‘Yeah,’ Karyn cut in, ‘when did she first get her claws into you?’

‘Don’t talk about her like that.’

‘I’ll talk about her however I want.’

‘She’s not like him, she’s different from the rest of her family.’

‘Oh, is that right? What’s so special about her then? She’s not even pretty.’

‘Shut up, will you?’

‘No. You always think you know best, but you’re wrong about this.’ Karyn was almost shrieking. ‘Ellie Parker’s just like her brother and they’re both liars.’

‘She’s not a liar.’

‘She was in the house when it happened!’

‘That doesn’t make her a liar.’

‘Listen to yourself, Mikey – whose side are you on?’

Fury boiled in him again. He stood up, fists curled. ‘She’s not even going to be a witness for her brother any more because she thinks he did it, so shut up about her, OK?’

There was a terrible silence. Nothing happened for ages. Then Karyn said very softly, ‘She told you that?’

He nodded, and for a minute she watched his face as if she was trying to work something out, then she said, ‘She’s known for weeks and weeks and she’s kept quiet all this time?’

Mikey took a last deep drag on his cigarette before stubbing it out. He needed something to get him out of this. Ellie hadn’t told him not to tell Karyn, but now he saw the effect it was having on her, he wished he’d kept his mouth shut. Even his mum thought it was nuclear by the frown on her face. He needed a distraction, something that would change the whole vibe.

‘Listen,’ he said. ‘Why don’t I pop down the off-licence and get some more booze? I’ve got cash.’ He patted his pocket to prove it. ‘Do you fancy some more of that wine, Mum?’

It was a cheap trick and he knew it as soon as his mother scowled at him. She stood up suddenly. ‘I’m calling Gillian.’

‘What the hell for?’

‘Because if this girl says her brother did it, she needs to know.’

Mikey absolutely hadn’t thought of this possibility. If the cops got involved, Ellie would think he’d got the information out of her and passed it on on purpose. She’d never trust him again.

‘It’s the middle of the night,’ he said, his mind racing. ‘It’s Sunday. You’ll piss Gillian off if you call her now. I might have remembered it wrong anyway. I probably muddled it somehow. Let me talk to Ellie. Serious, let me talk to her first.’ He went to the door. ‘I’ll call her now and find out exactly what she meant.’

‘Don’t you dare,’ Karyn said. ‘She lied in her witness statement, which means she’s in big trouble. If you warn her, she’ll change her story again.’ She turned to Mum, her eyes glittering. ‘Go on, phone Gillian.’

‘No,’ Mikey said, ‘it’ll make everything worse.’

Karyn flashed him a look of total hatred. ‘It can’t get any worse.’

‘If her family freak out, it can. Let me call her and find out what’s going on.’

‘No.’ Karyn leaped up and caught his arm. ‘I want the police to go round her house and I hope it freaks them out and I hope they arrest her and she rots in jail with her brother.’ Her fingers dug in like she was never letting go. ‘You owe me.’

She went for it then. It was like all the rage of the last few weeks got chucked at him. Dry-eyed and fierce, she told him how he secretly blamed her for what had happened and she’d always known it, how selfish he’d been to fight Tom, how everything he did was about making himself feel better and never about her. He caved under it. He knew he should try and stay angry, but he couldn’t. It fell out of him and he stood there weak and useless and not knowing anything. Listening to her, it sounded like he’d got every single thing wrong.

‘Do you know what Gillian told me?’ she hissed. ‘She told me it’s not my fault . She said I should be able to wear a short skirt whenever I like. She said I should be able to go to a party in my bloody bikini if I want. I should be able to dance and drink and stay up late. I should even be allowed to snog the face off Tom Parker and it doesn’t mean he can do what he did.’ She squeezed Mikey’s arm harder, quivering with rage. ‘Any time I tried to talk to you about that night, you never listened. As long as you managed to punch him on the nose, the truth didn’t matter. But it’s all that matters to me, can’t you see?’

Mum shushed them then, because Holly was standing in the doorway, shivering in her pyjamas. ‘Why are you fighting?’

‘It’s nothing,’ Mum said. ‘They’re mucking about.’

‘I heard shouting.’

‘You were dreaming.’

Karyn let go of his arm and he stood there rubbing it as his mum put her phone back in her pocket and went over to Holly. She picked her up and held her, planting kisses on her hair. It was like some ancient memory of his mother, someone he hadn’t seen for years.

‘I’m here,’ Mum said. ‘Hush now, don’t cry.’

They all watched, him and Karyn breathing hard like they’d been running, both of them stuck there in the middle of the lounge.

‘Come on,’ Mum said. ‘Let’s get you back to bed, sweetheart.’

Holly looked surprised. ‘Are you taking me?’

‘Sure, why not?’

‘Can we watch TV in your room?’

‘No, you’ve got school tomorrow.’

‘Will you tell me a story?’

‘No, babe, it’s sleep time.’

Holly stuck her thumb in her mouth and snuggled in, hoping for a carry all the way up the stairs. Mikey could barely watch. It was usually him who took Holly upstairs when she woke up – he’d lie on the bed with her, listen to her chatter on about nothing and then watch as she slowly drifted off to sleep.

‘I’ll be back,’ Mum said. ‘Nobody go anywhere.’

The three of them were left in silence. Jacko got out his tobacco. Karyn sat down on the sofa. Mikey stood there rubbing his arm.

‘I didn’t mean to hurt you,’ he said.

Karyn scowled at him. ‘Don’t even try and tell me that you didn’t think I’d mind.’

‘That’s not what I’m saying.’

‘What are you saying then?’

‘That I didn’t mean to like her, it just happened. She’s a very nice person. You’d probably like her if you got to know her.’

‘Ah, Mikey.’ Jacko shook his head.

‘What?’

‘You never know when to stop, do you?’

Jacko strapped a rollie together. Karyn offered to make him a fresh tea to go with it. Mikey took the chance to go to the bathroom. He’d lock himself in and wait for things to get better. He didn’t want to be alone with those two when they were being so weird.

He had a piss, then sat on the toilet seat to think. How had this happened? Earlier, when he’d dropped Ellie off, he’d thought nothing could mess with his high. And now it was ruined.

He phoned her from the bathroom, but her phone was off, so he left a message. Call me , he said. It’s really important .

His mum was there when he came out, leaning against the bedroom door, waiting for him.

She said, ‘Holly’s asleep. Are you coming back down?’

‘I’m going to bed.’

‘Shouldn’t we sort this out?’

She was less certain, the wine finally slowing her down. With a nudge from him, she’d go to bed and forget all about it.

He said, ‘Let’s leave it till tomorrow, eh?’

‘What about Gillian?’

‘You can’t phone her now, it’s late.’

She sighed, pulled out her cigarettes and offered him one. He opened the landing window and they stood there looking down at the courtyard, blowing smoke out into the dark. It had started raining again and it smelled fresh and cold out there. A baby was crying, a dog was sniffing about on the grass. A bloke, hands in pockets, whistled for it and together they went through the doors of the opposite block.