Jenny Downham - You Against Me

The car stopped right beside them. The window opened and the driver leaned over. ‘Hey, man,’ he said, ‘jump in.’

Ellie stood awkwardly on the pavement as he got into the car. She wasn’t sure what to do next. Would he ask her if she wanted a lift? If he did, should she say yes? Or should she make some cool excuse and walk away as if she too had somewhere to be?

The other boy grinned, said, ‘Sorry to steal him away.’

It sounded as if the gatecrasher was hers, as if they were a couple, as if she had rights.

She smiled. ‘That’s OK.’

They both looked at her then, but she didn’t feel seen. It was as if they looked only at the outside – her clothes, her ridiculous shoes. The gatecrasher’s eyes seemed covered in some glaze that made him different from how he’d been at the river.

‘Well,’ she said, ‘see you around.’

He nodded, barely looked at her as the car pulled away.

Mikey sat on the edge of the sofa and tried to look normal. He stared at the carpet, then at the cop’s flat black shoes. He crossed his fingers and tried to think of something other than now, other than here. But the only things that came into his head were to do with this woman. What if she opened cupboards and searched around? Was she allowed to do that? Everything he’d shoved away that morning would fall on the floor at her feet – the dirty clothes and unwashed plates, the bottles and ashtrays and empty crisp packets. Things had got slightly out of control since Karyn stopped pulling her weight. What if this woman went upstairs and found Mum in her bed with the worst hangover of the year so far? Cops hunted for clues everywhere, didn’t they? Like sniffer dogs.

‘So,’ she said, ‘it’s a shame Karyn doesn’t want to come down and join us.’

‘Yeah, she’s not feeling well.’

He looked up and their eyes met. He knew he was blushing, knew she saw it happen. She glanced at her watch.

‘Do you think Mum will be much longer? Would you mind ringing her one more time?’

He should have thought more carefully before he said she’d popped to the shops. He should’ve come up with some story that involved her visiting a sick relative miles away. Ireland would’ve been safe. It took a whole day to get back from there.

‘Perhaps if she doesn’t answer this time, you could leave a message and ask her to call you back?’

He hated the sound of Mum’s messaging service. He’d rung it loads over the last few days, and every time she sounded very far away and absolutely like she didn’t give a shit. When she’d reappeared last night, he’d told her how pissed off that made him – to be left in charge with no idea where she was or if she was safe. She cried. She told him sorry. Same old story.

‘Hey, Mum, it’s me. Karyn’s policewoman’s here and wants to talk to us, remember? We’re sitting waiting for you, so can you hurry up?’ He slid the phone shut and forced a smile. ‘You could talk to me instead. I mean, if she doesn’t come back before you have to go. I can just pass it all on when I see her.’

The cop nodded. ‘There are some things I’d like to talk with you about, Mikey, but I also hoped to see Mum and Karyn. I wanted to explain to the whole family why I asked social services to get involved.’

‘You scared the hell out of Holly turning up like that last week.’

‘Yes, she opened the door and got upset. I’m sorry about that, but we did have an appointment, and Mum was aware of it. Didn’t she mention that to you?’

No, she bloody didn’t, and he couldn’t believe she’d managed to hide it. Maybe that was why she’d gone on a bender. She must’ve got freaked out by the cop grassing them up.

‘I’ve been working with Karyn for a while now, Mikey, and as I’m sure you’re aware, she often refuses to talk to me. She’s quite suspicious of the police, I think, and won’t let me put her in touch with other services, like counselling or a rape crisis centre.’

Mikey flinched at that word, hated it.

‘Over the weeks I’ve known her, I’ve begun to realize that perhaps there might be deeper issues within the family that are preventing her from moving forwards.’

‘Like what?’

‘It’s complex, Mikey, but to give you an example, I’ve noticed that Mum’s often asleep during the day, which means Karyn is alone a lot of the time. I’ve also noticed that Karyn takes on a lot of the care for her sister and feels obliged to help out with various domestic tasks such as cooking and cleaning that perhaps shouldn’t be her responsibility right now.’

‘She’s always done that stuff. She likes it.’

‘Maybe, but at the moment, it doesn’t feel as if she has much choice in the matter. So, I contacted social services to help me get a better picture of the family.’

‘You say Karyn’s suspicious of you, but you’ve made it worse. Spying on the rest of us isn’t going to make her trust you, is it?’

‘I have a duty to report things that are troubling, Mikey, and, to be frank, there are things in this family that I find concerning.’

‘Like my mum having a kip during the day?’

‘Not only that. Holly too.’

‘Holly? What are you worried about her for? She’s fine.’

‘She’s often not in school, Mikey, and when I contacted her teacher, I was told that when Holly does turn up, she’s often late, or else she’s collected late at the end of the day. Apparently she’s not had a book bag or PE kit with her for weeks now.’

‘You’re supposed to be here for Karyn. Why do you care about Holly forgetting her PE kit?’

‘I am here for Karyn, but I have to look at her situation in context. An eight-year-old not going to school rings alarm bells, Mikey.’

She liked nosing around is what she meant. Karyn should’ve kept her cop on a tighter leash, been nice to her, chatted her up, distracted her from the rest of them.

‘Is Holly in school today?’

The questions were starting. He had to concentrate.

‘Yeah, I took her.’

‘Well, that’s great. Is it usually you who takes her?’

‘It used to be Karyn, but now me and Mum take it in turns.’

Maybe if he promised to get Holly to school on time every day, this woman would get social services off their backs. He hated her being here, like some kind of bright needle in the lounge. If he got her on his side, if he made her think he was brilliant at everything, then maybe she’d go away and take all her nosy mates with her.

‘So,’ she said, ‘Mum’s picking Holly up later, is she?’

‘Yeah.’ He took a deep breath. ‘Listen, would you like a cup of tea?’

She smiled across at him. ‘That’d be lovely, thank you. Milk, no sugar, please.’

Well, that was a relief, since they didn’t actually have any sugar. He went round the corner to the kitchen, put the kettle on and swilled the last dregs of milk around the bottom of the carton. He gave it a sniff. It was just about OK.

He watched her as he waited for the water to boil, caught her eyeing up the cards and magazines Karyn had got from her mates, checking out the curtains and TV, making sure the DVDs weren’t all triple Xs.

The tea went well – the right colour and the milk didn’t do that disgusting floating thing. He took it through and put it on the table in front of her, then sat back down.

‘Thank you,’ she said. She took a sip and smiled. ‘Very nice.’

He nodded, wondered if he should tell her he was training to be a chef, but decided not to. It was probably best not to offer information. He’d only get himself in trouble.

They sat in silence for a minute as she drank her tea. It went on a bit long. Was he supposed to do something now, or say something? Was she expecting a biscuit? He felt the panic creep back. What if she asked for one? Could I have a biscuit please, Mikey? Like a test. Weren’t children supposed to have nice things to eat in their homes? What if having no biscuits made her suspicious and she asked to look in the kitchen? There was half a packet of out-of-date frankfurters in the fridge, and that was it. There was no bread, no milk either now, no tins of stuff, nothing in the freezer except ice. They’d be shafted if she checked.