Jenny Downham - You Against Me

Holly marched straight over. ‘Why did you lock me out?’ She nudged at her sister with a bare foot. ‘It’s my room too. Just because something bad happened to you doesn’t mean you can do what you like.’

Karyn rolled over. She looked startled, like someone blinking into light after hours shut in the dark. ‘What did you just say?’

Mikey intervened. ‘All right, all right! Holly, get your stuff and go and get dressed.’

Holly gave Karyn a final shove, then picked up two school shirts from a pile of dirty washing on the floor and sniffed them. ‘They’re smelly.’

Mikey grabbed them from her and sniffed them too, checked them for dirt and passed the cleanest one back. He added washing powder to the list in his head.

Holly walked really slowly to the door, where she stopped, her hand on the door handle.

‘Get dressed, Holly!’

He knew she hated him shouting, but it made her speed up. She stuck her tongue out, slammed the door, thumped all the way down the hallway to the bathroom and slammed that door for good measure.

Mikey pulled a chair up next to the bed and sat down. ‘So, what’s up?’

Karyn looked at him, her face smeary with tears. ‘Mum’s gone.’

‘Yeah, I’m sorry.’

‘It’s me, isn’t it? I’m freaking her out.’

‘You know what she’s like – it doesn’t take much to frighten her off.’

‘It’s definitely me. She’s been drinking more since this happened, have you noticed? And sleeping loads.’

Behind her, through the window, he could see grass, litter, other flats. Weird to think that people with other lives were still under their duvets, pressing the snooze buttons on their alarm clocks and snuggling under for a few more minutes’ escape.

Karyn ran a hand across her face, wiping away fresh tears. ‘I’m trying to help as much as I used to, but I can’t seem to hold it together. Holly wanted her hair plaited just now and my hands were shaking so much, I couldn’t do it. How lame is that? I only shut her out so she didn’t see me upset.’

He checked his phone. No messages. Maybe he’d go round to Sienna’s anyway. She was always up for it.

‘You don’t want to listen to me, do you?’ Karyn said.

‘I don’t mind.’

‘You’re bored, I know you are.’ She pulled her knees up and hugged them. ‘Sometimes, I wonder if you even believe me.’

‘I’m going to get him for you, aren’t I?’

‘So you keep saying. Whacking him doesn’t prove anything though.’

‘It proves he can’t mess with us.’

Holly came back in and sat on the rug. ‘What’s going on?’

Mikey turned to her. ‘Holly, what the hell are you wearing?’

‘The other stuff was stinky.’

‘You can’t wear your Tottenham kit to school.’

‘School’s shut. They just said so on TV.’

He laughed. Holly laughed with him.

Karyn stared at him with dark eyes. ‘If you beat him up, you’re going to get in trouble. How does that help anyone?’

He gave her a look that was supposed to tell her she shouldn’t be talking about this in front of Holly. An eight-year-old would never keep her mouth shut. He was angry now, could feel it building inside him.

Holly blinked up at him, puzzled. ‘What are you talking about?’

‘Nothing. It doesn’t matter.’

‘But I want to know.’

‘Please,’ Mikey said, ‘go and get dressed properly.’ He rubbed the back of his neck. He was beginning to get a headache. ‘I tell you what, if you’re dressed in school uniform and back here in five minutes, I’ll play footie with you in the courtyard later.’

‘That’s a bribe.’

‘Yep.’

She scowled at him. ‘Well, it’s not big enough.’

‘Maybe she should stay here,’ Karyn said. ‘That’d be easier for you.’

He wasn’t sure if she was being sarcastic or not. Maybe she just didn’t want to be alone.

‘I don’t mind,’ Holly said. ‘I can do drawing if I stay here. And we can play football.’

Mikey sat with it for a moment. They had to keep being normal, didn’t they? Holly had missed loads of school recently. If they didn’t keep up some kind of routine, wouldn’t everything collapse?

‘No,’ he said, ‘this is how it’s going to be. Holly’s going to get dressed in proper clothes. I’m going to see if there’s anything in the kitchen to eat. Holly and Karyn are going to have breakfast, then I’m taking Holly to school and we’ll put our names in the late book. Karyn will stay here and do tidying and sort food out for dinner, so when Holly gets home there will be something to eat.’

Karyn shook her head. ‘She can’t go to school if there’s no one to collect her.’

It took a beat to sink in. Mum usually collected Holly, but Mum had gone. Karyn couldn’t go out, so that left him. His shift finished at nine, so unless he blagged time off, it was impossible.

He went and sat on the toilet for a while to think about it. He took ages, hoping it would somehow all be sorted by the time he’d finished.

He thought of the bloke they’d seen on TV the night before, sent off to Iraq at eighteen – running about in all that heat with snipers aiming at his head. What had Karyn said? Now there’s somebody brave . But the poor bastard had been shaking in front of the camera, and the look in his eyes was mad – something like terror, something like shame. Was that brave?

Mikey took a wad of toilet paper and wiped himself. Things usually seemed easier after a dump, like the world got put back in the right order.

The texts arrived when he was washing his hands. Jacko saying he’d meet him outside at ten. Sienna saying she’d expect him in half an hour. Mikey leaned over the sink and closed his eyes. By the time he’d taken Holly to school, he’d be late for both of them. It felt like spinning plates, keeping everyone happy, not letting anything fall.

He texted Sienna back, Course . He texted Jacko, 11.00 @ Sienna’s .

Holly was on the landing again when he came out of the bathroom. She had her school uniform and coat on, her book bag slung over one shoulder. She’d even made an attempt to plait her own hair.

‘Don’t worry,’ he said. ‘You don’t have to go.’

‘But I want to.’

‘You can stay here with Karyn.’

‘But we’re doing scrap art today and that’s my favourite.’

‘Well, I can’t take you now, I’ve just got busy. Anyway, you’ve been wanting to stay at home since you woke up.’

‘No I haven’t.’

He squatted down next to her and she looked back at him, her eyes all teary. ‘What’s going on?’

‘I thought you’d be here too. I thought it was your day off. I don’t want to be on my own with Karyn.’ She stuck her thumb in her mouth and looked down at her feet. ‘She makes me feel watery.’

Mikey felt his stomach grip again. He put both hands on her shoulders and made her look at him. ‘School started half an hour ago, Holly. We’d get into real trouble if I took you in now. They’d tell me off and they’d tell Mum off. There’s no one to pick you up either, so we’d all get told off twice. Then they’d send some nosy woman round to ask us all questions. And you know what that means, don’t you?’

Holly nodded, her eyes wide with the thought of children’s homes. It worked every time.

She followed him down the stairs and sat on the carpet in the hallway. In the lounge, the TV was blaring. At least Karyn had managed to get out of the bedroom.

Mikey sat on the bottom stair to put his trainers on. ‘If Mum comes back, tell her to text me.’

‘Will she come back soon?’

‘Maybe.’ It was the closest to the truth he could manage.