Jenny Downham - You Against Me

‘I’ll come. You’ve been asking me to help clear the cottage for weeks. We could go to the beach after. It’ll be fun.’

‘Nice try, but you’re going to school. Can I drop you here? Are you all right to walk the last bit?’

She pulled over on the near side of the river. Ellie watched the water for a minute. It was dark and barely moving. Maybe she could dive in and turn into the mermaid Tom had talked about. She could splash about until it was time to go home, surrounded by ducks and soggy bread.

‘Lunch money,’ Mum said, and handed over ten pounds. ‘And there’s enough for a coffee after school with your friends. I’m sure Dad will understand if you don’t come straight home and revise today.’

‘I’m sure he won’t.’

‘Come on, love, don’t be so hard on him. He wants you to do well in your exams, but he understands you need time for your mates too.’

Ellie wanted to explain that she had no mates, that fitting in at new school was more complex than her mum could ever imagine, that having your brother accused of sexual assault was not going to make it easier. But she also wanted to keep the hope alive in her mother’s eyes.

‘Well, if I’m late back,’ she said brightly, ‘you’ll know where I am.’

She opened the door. She had to walk along the side of the river to meet the bridge. The school was on the other side – three lowlevel buildings, all glass and angles. There was the playground, washed with light, the high tangle of voices as kids walked towards it from every direction.

‘You think everyone’s going to stare?’ she said.

‘Of course not. But if they do, tell a teacher.’

‘You think assembly will be cancelled, so I can be hot-seated in front of the whole school?’

‘Oh, love, I know this is hard, but you have to be brave. Do it for Tom, sweetheart. Keep thinking of him.’

She leaned across and kissed Ellie on the forehead. Maybe it shone silver, like the one the good witch gave Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz .

Ellie could do with that kind of magic.

‘Mikey, you awake?’

Holly stood in the doorway of his bedroom. He moaned softly, hoped it sounded like sleep. But she didn’t go away.

‘Mikey?’ She climbed onto the bed and lay down.

There hadn’t been a morning for weeks when he hadn’t woken up to some kind of crisis. He took a deep breath. ‘What’s up?’

‘Mum’s gone again.’

He struggled to sit up, rubbed his eyes. ‘Did she sleep in her bed?’

‘No.’

‘Did you look downstairs and out on the balcony?’

Holly nodded, curled her hand into his. ‘And I knocked next door.’

‘And they haven’t seen her?’

‘No.’

He sighed. He knew his mum was struggling with all this Karyn stuff, but it was only four weeks since the last time she’d done a bunk. He should have guessed last night, when she’d told him she was going to the pub for a quick one. Well, the quick one had obviously turned into something a hell of a lot longer, which meant she could be anywhere. With anyone. He fumbled for his mobile, but the only missed calls were from Jacko and Sienna. He scrolled through the contacts.

‘Don’t worry,’ he said. ‘We’ll call her, shall we?’

Holly snuggled closer to listen. The phone rang four times, then the message clicked in. Their mother’s voice apologizing for not being available.

‘Maybe she’s dead,’ Holly said, her voice quivering.

‘She’s not.’

‘She might be. You don’t know.’

‘I know everything, and she’s not dead, OK?’

He left a message, told her to ring and let me know where you are and when you’re coming back . Told her to do it soon, please .

‘That should do it,’ Holly said, like he could sort the world out that easily.

He turned to her, could just make out the shine of her eyes on the pillow beside him. ‘In five minutes,’ he said, ‘we’ll get up. Until then, you’re only allowed to think about nice things.’

‘OK.’ She craned her head to see the clock. ‘Can I think about football?’

‘Yes.’

‘I’ll do the alphabet game. I’m going to start with Ossie Ardiles, then Dimitar Berbatov, then Clemence, then Defoe.’

‘Great. Can you do it inside your head though?’

She lay there, her whole body flexing with thought. He could almost hear the calculations. And while she did that, he listened to his messages. Sienna sounding sulky: What happened to you last night? You wanna come round and make it up to me, ‘cos I know it’s your morning off? Jacko sounding urgent: New plan! Let me know when you’re awake and I’ll come and pick you up .

Mikey sank back into the pillow and wondered if his life could actually get any worse – Karyn assaulted, the bloke who did it still unpunished, Mum missing and now pressure from women and mates. He closed his eyes and tried to distract himself by thinking about London. He’d work in a hotel. He’d wear a full set of chef’s whites and have proper equipment – ramekin dishes, loose-based flan tins and specialist knives. He’d probably have other things too, things he didn’t even know existed.

Holly got stuck. He could feel it in her body, as if breathing was suddenly difficult to do. She turned to him. ‘Maybe Mum got hit by a car.’

‘She didn’t.’

‘Or she went in a boat and it sank.’

‘She didn’t do that either.’

‘Or a plane fell on her head.’

He told her to stop talking rubbish and get ready for school, she was already late. Then he took his phone to the bathroom and tried Mum again. Still no answer. He texted Jacko. He texted Sienna. Same message to both: Totally up for it . Whichever one got back to him first, that’s what he’d do. Runnings with Jacko. Between the sheets with Sienna. Let fate decide. He was sick of being in charge.

He stared in the mirror as he pissed. He looked angry. He washed his face with cold water, then brushed his teeth. The toothpaste had nearly run out and he added that to the list in his head.

When he came out of the bathroom, Holly was on the landing eating a packet of crisps. She was still in her pyjamas.

‘What are you doing?’

‘My clothes are in the bedroom and Karyn won’t let me in. I knocked, but she won’t answer.’ Holly stuffed another crisp in her mouth. ‘She’s probably dead too.’

‘Oh for God’s sake!’ Mikey rapped on the door.

He checked the time. School started at nine, which meant they only had five minutes to get there. They wrote your name down in a book if you were late.

He turned to Holly. ‘How much do you need the stuff that’s in there?’

‘A lot.’

He did a comedy knock to cheer himself up. Tappity tap, tap, tap . Then a police knock. Wham, wham, with a closed fist. He tried to sound like he meant it, but Karyn wasn’t shifting.

‘You could kick it down,’ Holly said. ‘You’re allowed to do that in emergencies.’

He smiled at her. She smiled back. He’d forgotten how beautiful her smile was and because he didn’t want it to fade, he tried Open sesame and Abracadabra! from the stories she liked. Then he pretended to be a wolf who could blow the door down.

‘Let me in, let me in, by the hair on my chinny chin chin.’

It kept Holly smiling. But it made no difference to Karyn.

He leaned in, breathing on the paintwork. ‘Please, Karyn, talk to me.’

He told her he was her big brother and she should trust him, that he’d do anything to help her if only she’d open the door.

Holly hopped from one foot to the other and gave him the thumbs-up as Karyn dragged a chair from under the handle. It was hot in the room and stuffy. Karyn slung herself on the bottom bunk, face down, her head hidden in pillows. She still had her tracksuit on. She’d been wearing it for days, had obviously started sleeping in it as well.