Уильям Голдман - The Princess Bride

Open and blazing.

"I'm sorry; I meant nothing, I didn't; look," and the Prince dropped his sword a second time.

"Tie him," Westley said to Buttercup. "Be quick about it—use the curtain sashes; they look enough to hold him—"

"You'd do it so much better," Buttercup replied. "I'll get the sashes, but I really think you should do the actual tying."

"Woman," Westley roared, "you are the property of the Dread Pirate Roberts and you ... do ... what ... you're ... told!"

Buttercup gathered the sashes and did what she could with tying up her husband.

Humperdinck lay flat while she did it. He seemed strangely happy. "I wasn't afraid of you," he said to Westley. "I dropped my sword because it will be so much more pleasure for me to hunt you down."

"You think so, do you? I doubt you'll find us."

"I'll conquer Guilder and then I'll come for you. The corner you least expect, when you round it, you will find me waiting."

" I am the King of the Sea —I await you with pleasure." He called out to Buttercup. "Is he tied yet?"

"Sort of."

There was movement at the doorway and then Inigo was there. Buttercup cried out at the blood. Inigo ignored her, looked around. "Where's Fezzik?"

"Isn't he with you?" Westley said.

Inigo leaned for a moment against the nearest wall, gathering strength. Then he said, "Help him up," to Buttercup.

"Westley?" Buttercup replied. "Why does he need me to help him?"

"Because he has no strength, now do what you're told," Inigo said, and then suddenly on the floor, the Prince began struggling mightily with the sashes and he was tied, and tied well, but power and anger were both on his side.

"You were bluffing; I was right the first time," Humperdinck said, and Inigo said, "That was not a clever thing of me to let slip; I'm sorry," and Westley said, "Did you at least win your battle?" and Inigo said, "I did," and Westley said, "Let us try to find some place to defend ourselves; at least perhaps we can go together," and Buttercup said, "I'll help you up, poor darling," and Fezzik said, "Oh, Inigo, I need you, please, Inigo; I'm lost and miserable and frightened and I just need to see a friendly face."

They moved slowly to the window.

Wandering lost and forlorn through the Prince's garden was Fezzik, leading the four giant whites.

"Here," Inigo whispered.

" Three friendly faces," Fezzik said, kind of bouncing up and down on his heels, which he always did when things were looking up. "Oh, Inigo, I just ruined everything and I got so lost and when I stumbled into the stables and found these pretty horses I thought four was how many of them there were and four was how many of us there were too, if we found the lady—hello, lady—and I thought, Why not take them along with me in case we all ever run into each other." He stopped a moment, considering. "And I guess we did."

Inigo was terribly excited. "Fezzik, you thought for yourself," he said.

Fezzik considered that a moment too. "Does that mean you're not mad at me for getting lost?"

"If we only had a ladder—" Buttercup began.

"Oh, you don't need a ladder to get down here," Fezzik said; "it's only twenty feet, I'll catch you, only do it one at a time, please; there's not enough light, so if you all come at once I might miss."

So while Humperdinck struggled, they jumped, one at a time, and Fezzik caught them gently and put them on the whites, and he still had the key so they could get out the front gate, and except for the fact that Yellin had regrouped the Brute Squad, they would have gotten out without any trouble at all. As it was, when Fezzik unlocked the gate, they saw nothing but armed Brutes in formation, Yellin at their lead. And no one smiling.

Westley shook his head. "I am dry of notions."

"Child's play," of all people, Buttercup said, and she led the group toward Yellin. "The Count is dead; the Prince is in grave danger. Hurry now and you may yet save him. All of you. Go."

Not a Brute moved.

"They obey me," Yellin said. "And I am in charge of enforcement, and—"

"And I, " Buttercup said. " I, " she repeated, standing up in the saddle, a creature of infinite beauty and eyes that were starting to grow frightening, " I, " she said for the third and last time, "am

the

QUEEEEEEEEEEEEN."

There was no doubting her sincerity. Or power. Or capability for vengeance. She stared imperiously across the Brute Squad.

"Save Humperdinck," one Brute said, and with that they all dashed into the castle.

"Save Humperdinck," Yellin said, the last one left, but clearly his heart wasn't in it.

"Actually, that was something of a fib," Buttercup said as they began to ride for freedom, "seeing as Lotharon hasn't officially resigned, but I thought 'I am the Queen' sounded better than 'I am the Princess.'"

"All I can say is, I'm impressed," Westley told her.

Buttercup shrugged. "I've been going to royalty school three years now; some thing had to rub off." She looked at Westley. "You all right? I was worried about you back on the bed there. Your eyes rolled up into your head and everything."

"I suppose I was dying again, so I asked the Lord of Permanent Affection for the strength to live the day. Clearly, the answer came in the affirmative."

"I didn't know there was such a Fellow," Buttercup said.

"Neither did I, in truth, but if He didn't exist, I didn't much want to either."

The four great horses seemed almost to fly toward Florin Channel.

"It appears to me as if we're doomed, then," Buttercup said. Westley looked at her. "Doomed, madam?"

"To be together. Until one of us dies."

"I've done that already, and I haven't the slightest intention of ever doing it again," Westley said.

Buttercup looked at him. "Don't we sort of have to sometime?"

"Not if we promise to outlive each other, and I make that promise now."

Buttercup looked at him. "Oh my Westley, so do I."

'And they lived happily ever after,' my father said.

'Wow,' I said.

He looked at me. 'You're not pleased?'

'No, no, it's just, it came so quick, the ending, it surprised me. I thought there'd be a little more, is all. I mean, was the pirate ship waiting or was that just a rumor like it said?'

'Complain to Mr. Morgenstern. "And they lived happily ever after" is how it ends.'

The truth was, my father was fibbing. I spent my whole life thinking it ended that way, up until I did this abridgement. Then I glanced at the last page. This is how Morgenstern ends it.

BUTTERCUP LOOKED AT him. "Oh my Westley, so do I."

From behind them suddenly, closer than they had imagined, they could hear the roar of Humperdinck: "Stop them! Cut them off!" They were, admittedly, startled, but there was no reason for worry: they were on the fastest horses in the kingdom, and the lead was already theirs.

However, this was before Inigo's wound reopened, and Westley relapsed again, and Fezzik took the wrong turn, and Buttercup's horse threw a shoe. And the night behind them was filled with the crescendoing sound of pursuit....

That's Morgenstern's ending, a 'Lady or the Tiger?' type effect (this was before 'The Lady or the Tiger?,' remember). Now, he was a satirist, so he left it that way, and my father was, I guess I realized too late, a romantic, so he ended it another way.

Well, I'm an abridger, so I'm entitled to a few ideas of my own. Did they make it? Was the pirate ship there? You can answer it for yourself, but, for me, I say yes it was. And yes, they got away. And got their strength back and had lots of adventures and more than their share of laughs.