Haruki Murakami - Dance Dance Dance

also my place. I want to make love with you here. That is, if

it's all right with you.»

«I want to make love with you wherever you like.» «Okay, I'll see you this evening. Here.» Then she cracked

the door open and slipped away.

I felt happy. Yes, I felt happy. And then I wondered if, maybe, it was time to give up the shoveling habit. Do some writing for myself for a change. Without the deadlines. Something for myself. Not a novel or anything. But some­thing for myself.

Yumiyoshi came back at six-thirty. Still in uniform, al­though her blouse was different. She'd brought a bag with a change of clothes and toiletries and cosmetics.

«I don't know,» I said. «They're going to find out some time.»

«Don't worry, I'm not careless,» she said, then smiled and draped her blazer over the back of a chair.

Then we sat on the sofa and held each other tight.

«I've thought about you all day long,» she said. «You know, wouldn't it be wonderful if I could work during the daytime, then sneak into your room at night? We'd spend the night together, then in the morning I'd go straight to work?»

«A home convenient to your workplace,» I joked. «Unfortunately I couldn't keep footing the tab to this room. And sooner or later, they'll find out about us.»

«Nothing goes smoothly in this world.»

«You can say that again.»

«But it'd be okay for a few more nights, wouldn't it?»

«I imagine that's what's going to happen.»

«Good. I'll be happy with those few days. Let's both stay in this hotel.»

Then she undressed, neatly folding each article of cloth­ing. She removed her watch and her glasses, and placed them

on the table. Then we enjoyed an hour of lovemaking, until we were both exhausted. No better kind of exhaustion.

«Mmm,» was Yumiyoshi's appraisal. Then she snuggled up in my arms for a nap. After a while, I got up, showered, then drank a beer. I sat, admiring Yumiyoshi's sleeping face. She slept so nice.

A little before eight, she awoke, hungry. We ordered a sandwich and pasta au gratin from room service. Mean­while, she stored her things in the closet, and when the bell­hop knocked, she hid in the bathroom. We ate happily.

«I've been thinking about it all afternoon,» I began, pick­ing up from our earlier conversation. «There's nothing for me in Tokyo anymore. I could move up here and look for work.»

«You'd live here?» «That's right, I'd live here,» I said.

«I'll rent an apartment and start a new life here. You can come over whenever you want to. You can spend the night if you feel like it. We can try it out like that for a while. But I've got the feeling it's going to work out. It'll bring me back to reality. It'll give you space to relax. And it'll keep us together.»

Yumiyoshi smiled and gave me a big kiss. «Fantastic!» «What comes later, I don't know. But I've got a good feel­ing about it. Like I said.»

«Nobody knows what's going to happen in the future. I'm not worried about that. Right now, it's just fantastic! Oooh, the best kind of fantastic!»

I called room service for a bucket of ice, making Yumiyoshi hide in the bathroom again. And while she was in there, I took out the bottle of vodka and tomato juice I'd bought in town that afternoon and made us two Bloody Marys. No lemon slices or Lea & Perrins, but bloody good enough. We toasted. To us. I switched on the bedside Muzak and punched the Pops channel. Soon we were treated to the lush strains of Mantovani playing «Strangers in the Night.»

You didn't hear me making snide comments.

«You think of everything,» said Yumiyoshi. «I was just dreaming of a Bloody Mary right about now. How did you know?»

«If you listen carefully, you can hear these things. If you look carefully, you'll see what you're after.»

«Words of wisdom?»

«No, just words. A way of life in words.»

«You ought to specialize in inspirational writing.»

We had three Bloody Marys each. Then we took our clothes off and gently made love again.

At one point, in the middle of our lovemaking, I thought I could hear that old Dolphin Hotel elevator cr-cr-crr-creaking up the shaft. Yes, this place was the knot, the node. Here's where it all tied together and I was a part of it all. Here was reality, I didn't have to go further. I was already there. All I had to do was to recover the knot to be connected. It's what I'd been seeking for years. What the Sheep Man held together.

At midnight, we fell asleep.

Yumiyoshi was shaking me. «Wake up,» she said urgently. Outside it was dark. My head was half full with the warm sludge of unconsciousness. The bedside light was on. The clock read a little after three.

She was dressed in her hotel uniform, clutching my shoul­der, shaking me, looking very serious. My first thought was that her boss had found out about us.

«Wake up. Please, wake up,» she said.

«I'm awake,» I said. «What is it?»

«Hurry up and get dressed.»

I quickly slipped on a T-shirt and jeans and windbreaker, then stepped into my sneakers. It didn't take a minute. Then Yumiyoshi led me by hand to the door, and parted it open a scant two or three centimeters.

«Look,» she said. I peeked through the opening. The hallway was pitch black. I couldn't see a thing. The darkness was thick, gelatinous, chill. It seemed so deep that if you stuck out a hand, you'd get sucked in. And then there was that familiar smell of mold, like old paper. A smell that had been brewed in the pit of time.

«It's that darkness again,» she said.

I put my arm around her waist and drew her close. «It's nothing to be afraid of,» I said. «Don't be scared. Nothing bad is going to happen. This is my world. The first time you ever talked to me was because of this darkness. That's how we got to know each other. Really, it's all right.»

And yet I wasn't so sure. In fact, I was terrified out of my skin. Thoroughly unhinged, despite my own calm talk. The fear was palpable, fundamental; it was universal, historical, genetic. For darkness terrifies. It swallows you, warps you, nullifies you. Who alive can possibly profess confidence in darkness? In the dark, you can't see . Things can twist, turn, vanish. The essence of darkness—nothingness—covers all.

«It's okay,» I was now trying to convince myself. «Noth­ing to be afraid of.»

«So what do we do?» asked Yumiyoshi.

I went and quickly got the penlight and Bic lighter I'd brought just in case this very thing happened.

«We have to go through it together,» I said. «I returned to this hotel to see two people. You were one. The other is a guy standing somewhere out there in the dark. He's waiting for me.»

«The person who was in that room?»

«Yes.»

«I'm scared. I'm really scared,» said Yumiyoshi, trem­bling. Who could blame her?

I kissed her on her brow. «Don't be afraid. I'm with you. Give me your hand. If we don't let go, we'll be safe. No mat­ter what happens, we mustn't let go. You understand? We have to stay together.» Then we stepped into the corridor.

«Which way do we go?» she asked nervously.

«To the right,» I said. «Always to the right.»

We shined the light at our feet and walked, slowly, delib­erately. As before, the corridor was no longer in the new Dolphin Hotel. The red carpet was worn, the floor sagging, the plaster walls stained with liver spots. It was like the old Dolphin Hotel, though it was not the old Dolphin Hotel. A little ways on, as before, the corridor turned right. We turned, but now something was different. There was no light ahead, no door leaking candlelight. I switched off my pen-light to be certain. No light at all, none.