Haruki Murakami - Dance Dance Dance

I had three drinks, then returned to my room. Having reached Yumiyoshi at last, I slept like a dream.

Yumiyoshi showed up at three in the morning. The door­bell rang, I turned on the bedside lamp, and looked at the clock. Then throwing on a bathrobe, I went to the door, innocently, three-quarters asleep. I cracked it open. And

there she was, in her light blue uniform blazer. She stepped into the room through the narrow opening, like she always

did.

She stood in the middle of the room and breathed deeply. Without a sound she removed her blazer and folded it care­fully over the back of the chair. The same as ever.

«Well, I haven't disappeared, have I?» was the first thing

she said.

«No, it doesn't look like you've disappeared,» came my voice from somewhere. I couldn't quite grasp whether this was actually happening or not.

«People don't disappear so easily,» she spoke deliberately.

«You just don't know. Lots of things can happen in this world. You name it.»

«Perhaps, but I'm here. I haven't disappeared. You do

admit that, don't you?»

I glanced around the room and looked Yumiyoshi in the eye. This was real waking reality. «Yes, I admit it. You don't seem to have disappeared. But what brings you to my room at three in the morning?»

«I couldn't sleep,» she said. «I went to bed right after you called, but my eyes popped wide open at a little past one and I didn't sleep a wink after that. What you said kind of got to me. So I called a taxi and came here.»

«Didn't anyone think it was strange, you showing up at three in the morning?»

«Nobody noticed. Everyone's asleep. The hotel keeps going twenty-four hours, but the only people awake at three a.m. are the front desk and room service. Nobody's hanging around the employees' entrance. And nobody keeps track anyway. You can always say you came to sleep in the sleep room. I've done it plenty of times before.»

«You've done this before?»

«Yes, when I couldn't sleep. I come and wander around. I know this sounds strange, but it's very restful. And, well, I like it. No one ever notices. It's not a problem. Of course, if they found me in this room, that's another story. But don't

worry, I'll stay until morning and slip out to work. Okay?»

«Of course it's okay by me. What time do you have to be on duty?»

«Eight,» she said. «Another five hours.»

Yumiyoshi nervously removed her watch and laid it down on the table. Then she straightened her skirt. I sat down on the corner of the bed, having slowly awakened to the cir­cumstances. «So now,» said she, «did I hear you say you need me?»

«Like crazy,» I said. «I've been all around. I've made a complete revolution. And I've come back to the fact that I need you.»

«Like crazy,» she reminded me, tugging at the hem of her skirt.

«That's right, like crazy.»

«Just where all around have you been?»

«You wouldn't believe it if I told you. I've made it back to reality—that's the important thing. I've come full circle. And I'm still on my feet, dancing.»

She looked at me quizzically.

«I can't go into details. Just believe me. I need you. That's very important, to me anyway. Maybe it could be important to you too.»

«So what do you want me to do?» said Yumiyoshi, with no change of expression. «Fall into your arms? Be moved to tears? Tell you how wonderful it is to be wanted?»

«No, no, nothing like that,» I said quickly, but then couldn't find the right words to go on. As if there were right words. «What can I tell you? I've known it all along and never doubted it. I knew that we would sleep together. Only at first we couldn't. The timing wasn't right. It had to wait until it was right.»

«So now I'm supposed to sleep with you? Just like that?»

«I know the argument's short-circuited. And I know it's the worst possible way to convince you. But to be honest, that's what it comes down to. I can't help how the words come out. I mean, with me too, if these were normal circumstances, I'd try to do things in the proper order. I'm not that much of a dud. But this is a very simple thing, and this approach is truer. I know it. Which is why I can't express it any other way. I've always known that we would sleep together. It's decided, it's fact. And we shouldn't go fiddling around with that. That might ruin everything. Honest!»

Yumiyoshi eyed her watch. «You do realize you're not making much sense, don't you?» she said. Then she sighed and began to unbutton her blouse. «Don't look.»

I lay back on the bed and gazed up at a corner of the ceil­ing. There's another world somewhere, but now I'm here, in this one. Yumiyoshi undressed slowly. I could hear soft sounds of fabric against skin, then the sound of folding. Then the sound of her glasses being set down. A very sexy sound. And then she was turning out the bedside lamp and sliding under the covers next to me. As quietly as she'd stolen into my room.

We touched. Her body and mine. Smooth, but with a cer­tain gravity. Yes, this was real. Unlike with Mei. Mei had been a dream, fantasy, illusion. Cuck-koo . But Yumiyoshi existed in the real world. Her warmth and weight and vital­ity were real. I caressed her and held her.

Gotanda's fingers trailing down Kiki's back was also illu­sion. It was acting, light flickering on a screen, a shadow slipping between one world and another. It was not reality. Cuck-koo .

My real fingers were stroking Yumiyoshi's real skin. Yumiyoshi buried her face in my neck. I felt the touch of her nose. I searched out every part of her body. Shoulder, elbow, wrist, palm, the tips of ten fingers. My fingers explored and my lips kissed. Her breasts, her stomach, her sides and back and legs, each form registered and sealed. I needed to be sure. I ran my fingers over her pubis. I moved down and kissed it. Cuck-koo .

We did not speak. We held each other. Her breath was warm and wet. Words that were not words hung in the air. I entered her. I was hard, very hard, and full of desire.

Toward climax, Yumiyoshi bit my arm, enough to draw blood. The pain was real. I held her hips and slowly eased into ejaculation. Ever so slowly, sure not to miss a step.

At seven I woke her. «Yumiyoshi, time to get up,» I said.

She opened her eyes and looked at me. Then slid out of bed like a fish and stood naked in the morning light. She seemed full of new life, alive. I propped myself on my pillow and admired her. The body I'd registered and sealed a few hours before.

Yumiyoshi showered and brushed her hair with my brush and got dressed. I watched her put on each article of cloth­ing, the care she took doing up each button. Her blazer was next, then she checked in the mirror for wrinkles. She was very serious about these things. Her attitude said «morn­ing.» «My makeup is down in my locker,» she announced.

«You're beautiful as you are,» I said.

«Thanks. But makeup is a part of the job. I don't have a choice.»

I gave Yumiyoshi a hug. It was so good to hold her with her glasses and blazer on.

«You still want me, now that it's morning?» she asked.

«I still want you,» I said. «I want you more than I wanted you yesterday.»

«I've never had anyone want me so much before.»

«No one's ever wanted you?»

«Not the way you do,» she said. «It's like being in a nice, warm room. Nice and cozy.»

«Well, stay put. There's no reason ever to leave.»

«Are you going to stay put?»

«Yes, I'm going to stay put.»

Yumiyoshi pulled back a bit. «Can I come stay with you again tonight?»

«Absolutely. But aren't the risks too high? Wouldn't it be better if I went to your place or stayed in another hotel?»

«No,» she said, «I like it here. This is your place, and it's