Mo Yan - Sandalwood Death

Excellency Yuan nearly jumped to his feet and trotted across the hall to where that swine knelt, his protruding paunch leading the way, and reached out to relieve him of the weighty chair. Seeing that it was too heavy for His Excellency to manage by himself, I rushed over to help him take it from the swine and then carefully turn it right side up and set it down in the middle of the hall. As for Excellency Yuan, he shook his wide sleeves, removed his cap with both hands, and fell to his knees. After touching his head to the floor, he intoned: “Shandong Governor Yuan Shikai humbly wishes His Imperial Majesty and Her Royal Highness a long and prosperous life!” I stood mutely off to one side as if struck by a thunderbolt for a moment before being abruptly awakened to the knowledge that my lack of action was a monumental affront to the august Son of Heaven. I could not fall to my knees fast enough, as I again performed the three bows and nine kowtows to that swine and his chair and prayer beads. The cold brick flooring raised blisters on my forehead. As I was banging my head on the floor to the Imperial chair, that foreign bastard whispered something to his interpreter and wore a contemptuous smirk on his long, skinny, goat-like face. Oh, Great Qing Empire, what you excel in is trampling your own officials underfoot and pandering to the foreigners. That bastard von Ketteler and I have clashed many times, so I am confident that he would never speak kindly of me to Excellency Yuan. There may be nothing I can do about those bastards, but no matter what you say, it was I who made it possible for them to take Sun Bing into custody.

That swine remained on his knees, even when Excellency Yuan reached down to help him to his feet, and I steeled myself for the worst. The moment for that swine to get his revenge over those two slaps had arrived. As I feared, he took the prayer beads from around his neck, held them out with two hands, and said, “Your humble servant asks His Excellency to be his arbiter.”

With a derisive snort and a quick glance at me, Excellency Yuan said, “State your case.”

“His Eminence Qian has accused me of gross fabrication and spreading a rumor.”

“What did he accuse you of fabricating, and what rumor are you supposed to have spread?”

“He said that the Dragon Chair and prayer beads are common items among the populace, and he has accused me of using deception to burnish my name.”

Excellency Yuan glared at me. “He is just ignorant and ill-informed!” he said.

“Excellency,” I defended myself, “your humble servant believes that propriety does not extend to the lower classes and that punishments do not accrue to the elite. How could the exalted Imperial Majesty and Royal Highness grant an audience to an executioner and reward him with gifts of inestimable value? That is why your humble servant was suspicious.”

Excellency Yuan replied, “You are a man of shallow learning who has swallowed the lessons of antiquity without digesting them. In conforming to the times in their desire to make the country prosper, His Imperial Majesty and Her Royal Highness have dedicated Themselves to loving the common people as Their own children, to understanding and sympathizing with those at the bottom, in the same way that the sun shines down on all creation. Tall trees and minuscule blades of grass alike receive nourishment. You are narrow-minded and petty, adhering blindly to convention, an ignorant man too easily surprised.”

Then that swine said, “His Eminence Qian also slapped me so hard I lost two teeth.”

Excellency Yuan pounded the table and sputtered angrily, “Grandma Zhao has served three emperors in his role of punishing miscreants for the Board of Punishments Bureau of Detentions. He has made great contributions in meting out punishments with such skill and loyalty that even the Emperor and the Empress Dowager have commended and rewarded him, and yet you, a mere County Magistrate, had the audacity to knock out two of his teeth. Do His Imperial Majesty and Her Royal Highness mean nothing to you?”

I was paralyzed with fear, as if struck by lightning, until I was covered with perspiration that soaked my clothes. My legs were so weak they could not hold me up. I fell to my knees and began banging my head on the floor. “This humble, small-minded subordinate, who cannot see what is under his nose, has offended Grandma and sinned against the Son of Heaven,” I said. “I deserve ten thousand deaths and throw myself upon His Excellency’s mercy!”

Excellency Yuan was silent for a moment before he said, “By physically abusing an ordinary citizen, you have proven that the Imperial Court means nothing to you, and you deserve to be severely punished. However, you aided the Plenipotentiary in capturing the bandit chieftain Sun Bing alive, a notable achievement, and I shall let that erase your crime.”

I banged my head again on the floor and said, “Eternal thanks to Your Excellency!”

“There is a popular adage that goes, ‘Do not hit someone in the face or reveal another’s shortcomings,’” he continued. “You struck him in the face without provocation and dislodged two teeth. If I were to simply absolve you of that, Grandma Zhao might well object. So here is what we shall do: You kowtow twice to Grandma Zhao and give him twenty ounces of silver to replace his missing teeth.”

Now you know, dear wife, the extent of the humiliation to which I was subjected today. But when I stand beneath low eaves, how can I not lower my head? So I steeled myself and once again fell to my knees, though it caused me excruciating pain to do so, and, as I saw red, gave that swine two kowtows.

The swine grinned as he accepted my obeisance and had the unmitigated gall to say, “Your Eminence, this humble servant is one of society’s poorest, lacking even rice for the next meal, so I look forward to receiving those twenty ounces of silver very soon.”

That got a big laugh out of Excellency Yuan. Yuan Shikai, Excellency Yuan, you son of a bitch, how dare you humiliate one of your subordinates by siding with a common executioner in front of a foreigner! I was an impressively successful double candidate at the metropolitan examination and am a respected representative of the Imperial government. I ask you, Excellency Yuan, by humiliating a man of letters, have you not inflicted emotional pain upon all who serve? On the surface it looks as if you and he together have humiliated only the insignificant Magistrate of Gaomi County, whereas in fact you have brought dishonor to the Great Qing Court. A sallow-faced interpreter repeated everything that was said in the hall to the Plenipotentiary, a man who can kill without blinking, and whose laughter drowned out even that of Excellency Yuan. Dear wife, they treated your husband like a trained chimp. Utter abasement and degradation! Let me drink, dear wife, until I am drunk and as good as dead. Excellency Yuan, has the reality that “you can kill a gentleman but you must not humiliate him” escaped you? Do not worry, dear wife, I have no desire to kill myself. Sooner or later I will sacrifice myself in the cause of the Great Qing enterprise, but now is not the time.

That swine, having received the tacit approval of Excellency Yuan, sat proudly in his sandalwood chair, while I stood off to one side, like a common yayi. An overwhelming sense of indignation filled my heart, and heated blood rushed to my head. My ears were buzzing, my hands seemed to swell, and it was all I could do to keep from throttling that swine. But knowing what a coward I am, that was not to be. Instead, I tucked in my head, raised my shoulders, and managed a forced smile. I am a shameful, debased, contemptible, disgraced clown, dear wife, the most pathologically restrained person anywhere. Do you hear me, dear wife?