Roberto Bolaño - The Third Reich

“It’s the biggest room in the hotel. It’s very nice. Everything a girl could ask for. And it’s the place where tradition says the owners should sleep. Before us, my husband’s parents slept there. A tradition in its infancy, really, because my in-laws built the hotel. Do you realize how disappointed everyone will be that you’re not leaving?”

“Who is everyone?”

“Oh, three or four people, my dear, please don’t be upset.”

“Your husband?”

“No, not him especially.”

“Then who?”

“The manager at the Costa Brava; my night watchman, who’s very touchy lately; Clarita, the maid…”

“Which maid? The young skinny one?”

“That’s right.”

“She’s terrified of me. I suppose she thinks I might rape her at any moment.”

“I don’t know, I don’t know. You don’t understand women.”

“Who else wants me to leave?”

“Nobody else.”

“What reason can Mr. Pere have for wanting me to leave?”

“I don’t know, maybe for him it’s like putting the case to rest.”

“Charly’s case?”

“Yes.”

“How idiotic. And your night watchman? Why does he care?”

“He’s sick of you. Tired of seeing you wandering around at night like a sleepwalker. I think you make him nervous.”

“Like a sleepwalker?”

“Those were his words.”

“But I’ve only spoken to him a few times!”

“That’s not the point. He talks to all kinds of people, especially drunks. He likes to make conversation. But with you, he watches you come in and go out at night… with El Quemado. And he knows that the last light on in the hotel is the light in your window.”

“I thought he liked me.”

“Our watchman doesn’t like any of the guests. Especially not one he’s seen kissing his boss.”

“A very peculiar individual. Where is he now?”

“I forbid you to talk to him. I don’t want this to get any more complicated, is that clear? He must be asleep now.”

“When I tell you the things I tell you, do you believe me?”

“Mmm… yes.”

“When I tell you that I’ve seen your husband at night on the beach with El Quemado, do you believe me?”

“It seems so unfair to mix him up in this, so disloyal of me.”

“But he mixed himself up in it!”

“…”

“When I tell you that the body the police showed me might not be Charly’s, do you believe me?”

“Yes.”

“I’m not saying that they know it’s not, I’m saying we’re all wrong.”

“Yes. It wouldn’t be the first time.”

“Do you believe me, then?”

“Yes.”

“And if I tell you that I feel something intangible, strange, circling around me in a threatening way, do you believe me? A higher force keeping watch over me. I rule out your night watchman, of course, though unconsciously he’s aware of it too, which is why he doesn’t like me. Working at night heightens some of the senses.”

“Now you’ve gone too far. Don’t ask me to be an accomplice to your madness.”

“It’s too bad, because you’re the only one who’s any help to me, the only one I can trust.”

“You should go back to Germany.”

“With my tail between my legs.”

“No, with your mind at ease, ready to reflect on what you’ve experienced.”

“Slip away unnoticed, the way El Quemado wishes he could.”

“Poor boy. He lives in a perpetual prison.”

“Forgetting that at a certain point everything has had the ring of hell to it, musically speaking.”

“What is it you’re so afraid of?”

“I’m not afraid of anything. Soon you’ll see for yourself.”

We climbed slowly to the top of the hill. From the lookout point, some hundred people, adults and children, watched the lights of the town, holding their breath and pointing toward a spot on the horizon between the sky and the sea, as if a miracle were about to occur and the sun were about to rise out of turn. It’s Catalonia Day, a voice whispered in my ear. I know, I said. What’s supposed to happen now? Frau Else smiled and her index finger, so long it was almost transparent, pointed toward where everyone was looking. Suddenly, from one, two, or more fishing boats that no one could see or at least that I couldn’t see, preceded by a sound like chalk on a blackboard, there appeared various bursts of fireworks that together made up, according to Frau Else, the Catalonian flag. When all that was left were tentacles of smoke, everyone went back to their cars and drove down to the town, where the late summer night awaited them.

Autumn 1941. Battles in England. The German Army is unable to take London, but the British Army can’t manage to push me back to the sea either. Copious losses. The British fighting strength grows. In the Soviet Union, the Attrition Option. El Quemado is waiting for 1942. Meanwhile, he holds on.

My generals:

“In Great Britain: Reichenau, Salmuth, and Hoth.”

“In the Soviet Union: Guderian, Kleist, Busch, Kluge, von Weichs, Küchler, Manstein, Model, Rommel, Heinrici, and Geyr.”

“In Africa: Reinhardt and Hoeppner.”

My BRP: low, which means it’s impossible to choose the Offensive Option in the East, West, or Mediterranean. Sufficient only to rebuild units. (Hasn’t El Quemado noticed? What’s he waiting for?)

A cloudy day. It’s been raining since four in the morning and the forecast calls for more rain. Still, it’s not cold, and from the balcony one can watch children in their bathing suits jumping waves on the beach, if not for long. The atmosphere in the dining room, invaded by card-playing guests who stare gloomily at the fogged-up windows, is charged with electricity and suspicion. When I sit down and order breakfast I’m observed by the disapproving faces of people who can hardly grasp that there are those who rise after noon. At the entrance to the hotel, a bus has been waiting for hours (the driver is gone now) to take a group of tourists to Barcelona. The bus is a pearl gray color, like the horizon upon which there appear the faint silhouettes (but this must be an optical illusion) of milky whirlwinds, like explosions or fissures of light under the roof of the storm. After breakfast I went out on the terrace: immediately I felt the cold rain on my face and I retreated. Miserable weather, said an old German in shorts sitting in the TV room smoking a cigar. The bus was waiting for him, among others, but he didn’t seem to be in a hurry. From my balcony I could see that the only pedal boats left on the beach, forlorn, looking more like a tumbledown shack than ever, were El Quemado’s; for everyone else the summer season was over. I closed the balcony doors and went out again. At the reception desk I was told that Frau Else had left the hotel first thing in the morning and wouldn’t be back until that night. I asked whether she’d gone out alone. No, with her husband. I covered the distance between the Costa Brava and the Del Mar by car. When I got out I was sweating. At the Costa Brava I found Mr. Pere reading the paper. “Friend Udo, how delightful to see you!” He really did seem to be happy, so I let down my guard. For a while we exchanged banalities about the weather. Then Mr. Pere said that he would send me to his doctor. Alarmed, I refused. “Take a few little pills, if nothing else!” I asked for a cognac and drank it in a single gulp. Then I asked for another. When I tried to pay, Mr. Pere said it was on the hotel. “The anxiety of the wait is already cost enough!” I thanked him and after a bit I got up. Mr. Pere followed me to the door. Before we parted I told him that I was keeping a diary. A diary? A diary of my vacation, of my life, basically. Oh, I see, said Mr. Pere. In my day that was for girls… and poets. I detected the mockery: smooth, weary, deeply malicious. Before us the sea seemed about to leap onto the Paseo Marítimo. I’m not a poet, I said, smiling. I’m interested in daily life, even the unpleasant parts; for example, I’d like to write something in my diary about the rape. Mr. Pere looked pale. What rape? The one that happened just before my friend drowned. (At that instant, maybe because I’d referred to Charly as a friend, I was seized by a wave of nausea so severe it gave me the shivers.) You’re wrong, spluttered Mr. Pere. There was no rape here, though of course in the past we haven’t been able to completely avoid such embarrassing incidents, generally attributable to outside elements, since today, as you know, our main problem is the decline in the quality of our tourists, etc. Then I must be wrong, I said. No doubt, no doubt. We shook hands and I ran to the car to escape the downpour.