Chris Cleave - Incendiary

The boy loved that game it used to take hours to actually wash his hair. Still you saved me that chore didn’t you Osama. So it was just my own hair I was washing when the doorbell went. I was washing it for the third time. I never could get the smell of smoke out of it since May Day.

I wrapped a towel round my head and I put on my pink bathrobe and went to the front door. I put the chain on the door and opened it a crack and looked out. It was Petra Sutherland standing there. She was wearing maroon stiletto boots silky flower-print skirt pink cashmere rolltop sweater and her hair was long and straight and shiny. She stood there looking at me. Her face was very white there was no blood in it.

—What must I do to get rid of you? she said.

I tried to shut the front door but Petra jammed one of her boots into the gap. Both of us started pushing at the door but she couldn’t open it on account of the chain and I couldn’t close it on account of her foot.

—What do you want?

—I want you to stop chasing after Jasper, she said.

—I never chased after him.

—Liar, said Petra. Trollop.

She pushed her face right up into the gap of the door and sneered at me.

—He came home reeking of you last night, she said. I know your smell. You smell of this place. I spent a whole night in it.

—You don’t understand.

—Oh I understand perfectly well, she said. He wouldn’t look me in the eye. Let me in.

—Nah I don’t think so.

—People don’t tell me no, she said. Let me in. We’re going to have this out once and for all.

—Please. I’m not feeling well. Can’t you and Jasper both just leave me alone?

—Us leave you alone? said Petra. Oh that’s funny. That’s a good one.

—Please. You don’t know the situation. It’s Jasper you want to have a word with. Not me.

—No, she said. Let me in. I’m prepared to stay here all day if that’s what it takes.

—Suit yourself.

I went back and finished my shower. It wasn’t the sort of shower you see on the Timotei adverts with a Swedish girl in a waterfall. The water was a bit brown from the rust in the pipes and I could hear Petra banging on the front door the whole time and screaming at me to OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR. By the time I got out and started drying my hair she was trying something different she was yelling THERE IS A PAEDOPHILE IN THIS FLAT. I suppose she thought an angry mob would appear out of nowhere like they do in the Daily Mail and help her storm in but she still had a lot to learn about the Wellington Estate. Round here they wouldn’t piss on themselves if they were on fire let alone the neighbours.

I went into the bedroom and put on a white T-shirt and white trackie bottoms. I lay on the bed just minding my own till the banging and the shouting went quiet and then I went back to the front door. Petra was sitting on the floor with her back against the wall and her foot still jammed in the door. Her head was down on her knees.

—You finished are you? Got it all out of your system?

Petra looked up at me her eyes were red and puffy and there were streaks of black mascara down her face. It was a bit of a shock I hadn’t put her down for the sort of girl who has feelings. The timer ran out on the stairway lights and the landing went dark behind her. We just stared at each other for a long time through the gap in the door. Petra sniffed.

—You’d better come in.

I took the chain off the door and opened it wide and Petra snapped her head up to look at me.

—Come on get up before I change my mind.

Petra started to put her hands down on the floor to push herself up but the floor was all mucky and she had a good look at it and held her hand out to me instead. I took hold of her hand and pulled her up. When she was up we let go of each other’s hands as quick as we could.

—I need to clean up, said Petra.

—Yeah. Well. You know where the bathroom is don’t you?

I went into the kitchen and I didn’t know what to do with myself so I took all the mugs out of the cupboard and then I put them back in with their colours in the same order as the rainbow from right to left and all of their handles pointing outwards except for the one mug that had a handle on each side. I didn’t know what to do with it and I was still holding it in my hands when Petra came into the kitchen. She’d washed all that streaky mascara off and her face looked very white and new without makeup. I held the mug up.

—Coffee?

Petra looked at the jar of instant sitting on the worktop.

—I think I’d rather have vodka, she said. Do you still have some?

—Yeah. Only I didn’t have you down as a morning drinker.

—It isn’t the morning yet, said Petra. I haven’t slept.

I poured Petra a vodka from the freezer. I felt poorly just looking at it but Petra knocked it straight back and passed me the empty glass.

—Ouch, she said. Again.

I poured her another and we went into the lounge and sat down at different ends of the sofa. Petra looked out at Barnet Grove through the net curtains. Those 3 kids were out there on their bikes again turning slow circles just like they were on May Day it made me nervous.

—The really stupid thing, said Petra. Is that I never really cared about Jasper. Until I realised he was slipping away from me.

I didn’t say anything.

—It’s awful of course, she said. Not really to feel anything about someone until one’s faced with losing them. I suppose you think that’s awfully selfish.

—Nah. I don’t think. I mean I don’t really have the imagination do I?

Petra smiled. She was still looking out the window.

—You can be terribly dry can’t you? she said.

I just gave her a small shrug she couldn’t see on account of her back was turned. I sat there hugging one of the sofa cushions I was getting another wave of my hangover and it was best not to move around too much.

—It hasn’t been the same between Jasper and me since May Day, said Petra. I don’t know whether to blame you or Osama bin Laden. I don’t know which of you is worse.

—Yeah. Well. Have you talked to Jasper about it?

—Jasper’s not in a good place right now, said Petra. He’s been overdoing it. He’s not easy to talk to.

—You’d better give it a go though eh?

Petra was still looking out the window. You could see her back going all stiff and angry and when she spoke her voice was shaking.

—How dare you? she said. How dare you tell me what I better had and better hadn’t do? You’re the one that’s got my Jasper into this state. You’re the one chasing after him with your cute little tush and your sweet little sob story.

Petra stood up and spun round to face me.

—You parasite, she said. Just because your sad little life is over doesn’t give you the right to come after mine.

—You’re having a laugh aren’t you? I’ve seen how you live and I’d rather die.

—Hah, said Petra. Look at me and tell me you weren’t with Jasper yesterday evening.

—That’s not what I’m saying.

—Slut, whispered Petra.

She slapped me round the face it was hard and vicious. I didn’t see her hand coming and it caught me half round the chin and half in the throat it snapped my head back so I heard the bones in my neck click. I fell back on the sofa I was holding my face but it didn’t hurt I was just thinking how strange this is how very bloody strange. How strange to of been around so many blokes in my life and some of them real mischievous pieces of work at that and would you believe it the very first person to slap me about is the Lifestyle editor of the Sunday effing Telegraph . Well I couldn’t help it Osama I just started laughing I mean you’d probably be the same yourself if after everything you’ve been through the first person to get past all your bodyguards and storm into your high mountain cave was wearing maroon stiletto boots and lipstick. I took my hand away from my face and there was blood on it. I suppose I was cut from the rings on Petra’s fingers. I just lay back on the sofa and laughed with the blood dripping off my face and onto my white T-shirt.