Andrew Smith - Winger

“I said, ‘What, Ryan Dean?’ ”

RYAN DEAN WEST 2: Think about baseball.

RYAN DEAN WEST 1: Crap. I don’t know a goddamned thing about baseball.

RYAN DEAN WEST 2: It’s just a figure of speech. Think about a place in the universe where there is no such thing as sex.

RYAN DEAN WEST 1: Okay, you’re going to have to give me a hint. Is it Bannock?

RYAN DEAN WEST 2: You’re a fucking idiot. Think about your middle name.

RYAN DEAN WEST 1: Okay. I hate my middle name.

RYAN DEAN WEST 2: So do I.

RYAN DEAN WEST 1: What’s my middle name, anyway?

I couldn’t even remember my middle name.

“Do you know what my middle name is, Megan?”

“No. What is it?”

Then I said it. “Mario.”

I’ll be honest. That actually is my middle name. And saying it helped snap me out of the fact that I was beginning to act like Pedro-the-humping-pug-dog right there in front of half the goddamned school.

And she said, “That is the hottest middle name ever!”

Which didn’t do anything to help slow the boy-to-dog transformation.

“I needed to tell you something,” I said. “Stop dancing for a second.”

Then she looked serious.

We stopped.

I pulled my loincloth, which was up over my belly, down. Nobody even noticed. That’s how high school dances are these days, in case you didn’t know.

“I wanted to say I’m sorry, Megan.”

“Okay, Ryan Dean.”

“I really like you, Megan. You’re honestly the first girl I ever kissed. I really like you. But I’m in love with Annie. You know that, don’t you?”

“I broke up with Chas.”

“I know,” I said. “And if it’s my fault, I’m sorry for that, too.”

“Don’t be.”

“You are a better person for it, Megan. You are beautiful and brilliant, and nobody who sees that in you ever stopped for a minute to consider how you had beaten all the other girls at Pine Mountain to win the dubious prize of Chas Becker.”

I sounded like William Jennings Bryan giving a speech about crosses and gold and shit.

Megan said, “You should be a lawyer, Ryan Dean.”

“Are we okay, then? Or do you hate me?” I asked.

“We’re okay,” she said. But she looked sad. Then she said, “I’m in love with you anyway, Ryan Dean.”

Ugh. I did not see that coming. I swear I almost fell down.

“Start dancing,” I said. My voice cracked, but she couldn’t hear over the music anyway, so I just felt like a loser, I didn’t actually sound like one.

“I’m going to take a little walk. I need to think about things before I screw them up worse than they are.”

Megan started dancing.

“Ryan Dean?”

“What?”

“Annie sure is lucky,” she said. “You’re the best person I know.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. It felt terrible and amazingly wonderful all at the same time.

It sure sounded nicer than “adorable.”

She kept her eyes on me. I felt embarrassed and stupid as I backed away through all the dressed-up dancers.

Someone tugged at me from behind. Kevin had switched his hook into his good hand and caught my shoulder strap with it. He was dancing with about six girls, and he pulled me into the middle of the circle.

“Isn’t this awesome?” he said.

“Have you seen Annie?”

He shrugged.

I was dripping with sweat.

“I need to find her,” I said.

IT TOOK ME A WHILE to break out from Kevin’s girl-circle.

It was kind of like playing Red Rover, only against six hot girls who I didn’t mind bumping into over and over until I finally made my way through.

As soon as I cleared a path, I ran face-first directly into a big blue C .

“Watch it, Pussboy.”

For just a second, I was almost touched that Chas Becker was speaking to me again.

I gulped.

I had to do it. I was on a mission.

I put my hand on his shoulder and pulled his Tyrannosaurus Rex head down to my skinny-bitch-ass-size-snack-morsel face.

“Chas, can I talk to you for a second?”

Before you finally kill me.

God! He looked so ridiculous in that outfit.

“What about?”

“I . . . uh . . .”

Yeah, Pussboy forgot what he was doing.

Okay, snap out of it.

“I’m sorry for what I did, Chas. I apologize. A guy should never do the kind of crap I did to you.”

I figured this could officially count as an apology for making him drink my pee, too, if I worded it vaguely enough.

“I guess I let things get out of control, and so I apologize. I also said I’m sorry to Megan, and I promise you both it won’t happen again. So, sorry, Chas. I know you’re probably still going to kill me, but at least I got it off my chest.”

Then I put out my hand for him, and he shook it.

“You have balls, Winger. But I still fucking hate you.”

Fair enough.

“I hate you, too, Chas,” I said, and smiled.

Then, beyond Chas’s shoulder, at the edge of the dance floor, I caught a glimpse of green surgical scrubs and soft black hair draping over the glint of a stethoscope.

It was Annie. She hadn’t seen me yet.

I moved behind her, stalking her. I put my chin right over her shoulder and whispered, “I know you’re probably booked up, but do you think you could squeeze me in for a quick physical?”

She turned around suddenly.

At first, I thought she was going to slap me, but then she looked shocked and surprised at seeing me, and she gave me that awesome smile where her eyes tear up, and I hate to say it, but just looking at her there kind of made my eyes tear up too.

“Oh my God!” she said.

Then she threw her arms around me, and we hugged like we hadn’t seen each other in years. That felt so good, because I was practically naked anyway, and all sweaty, and here I was hugging an out-of-control physician.

What could be better than that? Well, except for the quick kiss we stole. Kids get in trouble for kissing at Pine Mountain, so you have to be discreet. And the best place to be discreet was out there in the middle of the dance floor, so the Wild Boy of Bainbridge Island took a tight squeeze on Annie’s hand, so we wouldn’t get separated, and I pulled her out through the crowd and into the deepest, darkest, wildest kiss we ever had.

“How did you get in?” she said.

“They let us out of O-Hall, and I dirty-talked Mr. Wellins into letting us come in.”

Annie laughed.

She put her hands in my hair, and we danced.

“I love what you’re wearing,” she said.

“I am the Wild Boy of Bainbridge Island,” I said. I lifted up my loincloth. “With Pokémon undies.”

She laughed and pretended to cover her eyes (but not very convincingly, I noticed), and I said, “Okay. I showed you mine, now you have to show me yours.”

“You are such a pervert, Ryan Dean.”

“I think your pug infected me.”

We danced until we were both exhausted.

When I led her off the floor to get something to drink, I finally remembered that there was one more important thing I had to do, and it wasn’t apologizing to Casey Palmer. I would never do that, no matter how many times I made him drink pee.

“I bet Seanie and Isabel haven’t moved from that couch all night,” I said. “Let’s go see.”

Annie’s cheeks were red from dancing.

I watched her as she drank lemonade tea.

“Wait a second,” I said.

I pulled her back so we were face to face. She looked at my eyes, and I knew she was playing that game we have between us. She knew I was doing it, too.

I whispered, “You can be in love with me.”