Andrew Smith - Winger

Forever.

So, no matter what happened to me in life, as far as the guys on the team were concerned, my name was always going to be Winger. JP’s nickname was Sartre. His real name was John-Paul, so, naturally when I started calling him Sartre, the name just stuck even though most of the guys on the team didn’t get it and they just assumed that since I was so smart it probably meant something ultraperverted in French (which I hinted it did). Seanie was lucky. He inherited the most nontoxic kind of nickname; his real name was just Sean.

Chas Becker’s nickname was Betch, a nonaccidental shortening of “Becker” combined with what a lot of guys didn’t have the guts to call Chas to his face.

But there’s no arguing nicknames once a rugby team tattoos yours in their heads. You just have to forget about it and smile.

“The Winger’s still alive,” Seanie said as we shook hands.

“God, Seanie. What’ve you been doing?”

“Nothing. I played two-and-a-half straight months of video games since school let out. This is the first time I’ve seen the sky since last June. It’s so bright, I think I’m going to have a seizure.”

Seanie was kind of a geek, and I completely believed what he said was true.

“They didn’t put anyone new in our room with us yet,” JP said. “So maybe that’s a good sign that you’re going to be coming back. How’s the O-Hall, anyway?”

I almost said, The toilets smell real nice!

But I didn’t.

“I’m sharing bunk beds with Betch.”

I saw a horrified look of grief wash over my friends’ faces.

“He’s going to turn you into an asshole,” JP said.

“Or kill you,” Seanie added. “You’ll never get out of that shithole.”

We moved a step forward in line, toward the beacon of flashes at the photographer’s booth. Each of us clutched a class schedule in our hands. After the pictures, we’d be free for the rest of the day to mourn the final moments of our unstructured summer.

“He actually did something kind of nice, kind of weird,” I said. “He asked me to play poker with some of the guys tonight after lights-out.”

“Winger, you know he’s going to end up getting you in so much trouble this year,” JP said.

And Seanie added, “Why do you think so many of the first fifteen are permanently assigned to O-Hall, anyway? And everyone knows about those games. You just better look out for the consequence .”

The consequence was what they’d assign to the first guy who lost his way out of the game. It was usually innocuous and embarrassing stuff, like the time they made Joey Cosentino run around the rugby pitch naked in the middle of the night, and then, when he snuck back into the room, they made him do it again because he accidentally ran counterclockwise, something the team never allowed; or the time they made Kevin Cantrell swim across Pine Mountain Lake in his boxers (also in the middle of the night). Of course, all the consequences had to be performed in the middle of the night since just playing the poker game after lights-out would get the guys into a lot of trouble. And getting caught by anyone from school during the commission of the consequences was sure to be even worse.

And anyway, I considered myself to be a pretty good poker player, so I wasn’t too concerned about the consequence. No sweat.

After our pictures were taken, and fresh, chemical-smelling laminated ID cards were spit out into our hands, we agreed to catch up to each other again at dinner. JP and Seanie left to finish unpacking, taking off in one direction and leaving me sad and envious of their start of our junior year in the nice dorm room I used to live in.

So I set off, alone, already feeling weak and small and sorry for myself when I swore I wasn’t going to be any of those things this year, on the narrow and kind-of-Ansel-Adamsish trail along the lake toward Opportunity Hall, the leaking, dilapidated, and lonely two-story log building that at one time was the only housing structure on this entire campus.

“Hey! West! Did you get everything taken care of?”

Annie came running up on the path behind me.

She called me West . I liked it, I guess. Nobody else called me that.

I stopped and turned around and quietly held my breath so I could get the full impact of watching Annie Altman coming toward me like it was some kind of movie where she actually wanted me to throw my arms around her or something.

I held up my schedule and ID card to answer her question.

“How’d it go? This morning, with Chas?”

“Not a mark on me,” I said. “I was scared about nothing. He was kind of nice to me, in an edgy and predatory sort of way.”

“He probably is counting on banking up frequent disappear-for-half-an-hour-so-he-can-have-sex-with-Megan favors from you,” she said.

Megan Renshaw was Chas’s girlfriend.

Smoking hot, too.

“Or my money. We’re supposed to play poker tonight.”

Annie Altman went on, in a scolding tone. I’ll admit that I had fantasies involving Annie. And scolding. “You haven’t even been to one day of classes and you’re already doing something idiotic that could get you into trouble.”

We began walking toward O-Hall.

“Yeah. I know.”

I tried to swallow the dry and hairy tennis ball in my throat.

Annie did that to me.

Especially when she used the scolding tone.

I looked at my feet as we walked.

This was actually a beautiful place, especially with Annie walking beside me. The lake was about a mile and a half long, half a mile wide, and surrounded by tall pines that stood like an army of giants stretching all the way up to the tops of the mountains surrounding us.

Of course, Annie stayed in the girls’ dorm, which was a good walk in the opposite direction down the lake from the secluded O-Hall. It was built near the mess hall, class and office buildings, the sports complex, and the boys’ dorm.

The top floor of O-Hall was for the boys, with the ground floor segregated for girls. But, girls being girls, it almost never had any residents. It was perfectly clean and unoccupied now, except for the resident girls’ counselor, a frightening mummy of an old woman named Mrs. Singer.

“Well, what classes do you have this semester, West?”

Annie and I sat on an iron bench facing the lake and exchanged schedules. I looked at her ID card. Her picture was so perfectly radiant, it burned my eyes. She just had this faint, closed-mouth, typically Annie smile, like she knew something embarrassing about the photographer. And she looked so confident, too, staring straight ahead with her dark blue eyes and the most perfect-looking black eyebrows, her hair hanging down across her forehead. I could never tell if she wore lipstick and makeup; her skin and lips always looked so flawless and, well, Annie-like.

“West. You’re just staring at my ID. The schedule’s on the bottom.”

“Oh. Sorry. Nice picture, Annie.”

I saw her thumb my ID card over. And there I was, staring out from behind the lamination, necktied and looking all lost between my goofy ears, mouth half-open in a not-really-a-smile smile, short-cropped dirty blond hair that never sat even, and that pale skin of mine that looked like it would never, ever so much as sprout a stray strand of peach fuzz.

“Aww,” she said. “What a cute boy.”

Okay, I’ll be honest. I think she actually said “little boy,” but it was so traumatizing to hear that I may have blocked it out.

She might as well have kicked me square in the nuts.

I am such a loser.