Andres Neuman - Traveller of the Century

Oh my God, breathed Álvaro. The organ grinder handed him his bottle. Franz suddenly barked, as if he had remembered something.

Álvaro, Hans said, as he let the dog nip his hand, we can’t deny that the Revolution betrayed all its principles. Liberty was turned into empire, equality was confined to the middle class, and fraternity ended in war. All right, said Álvaro, then we’re left only with its principles. Those principles. And I’m still waiting for a revolution, a real one. Revolutions don’t come about through waiting, said Hans, you have to make them happen. You don’t say, replied Álvaro, offended. Why don’t you start one, then, if you’re so clever? Because I no longer believe in revolutions, replied Hans. If you’ve stopped believing in your own ideals, muttered Álvaro, that’s your business.

Hush, my friends, the organ grinder said raising his hand, they’re making a nest up there.

They all listened as if transported to the twittering among the branches, the rustle of weaving, the occasional flap of wings. Hans was surprised he hadn’t heard them before. And gazing at the organ grinder, whose head was tilted towards the pine trees, he said to himself: That man thinks with his ears. But, on thinking this, Hans stopped hearing the birds.

Have you read the news about this terrible case, ahem, of the masked attacker in the Thunderer ? remarked Herr Levin, plunging the teaspoon into his teacup. Good God, don’t even mention it, said Frau Pietzine, this is the third time they have printed it, apparently there have been several attacks, always by the same perpetrator, a masked man, who, who — saints preserve us! — violates his victims before releasing them, and the worst of it is the police know nothing, or so people say, really, it’s dreadful to think the streets are no longer safe. It is obvious these events terrify you, meine Dame , Professor Mietter said mockingly, for you have retained every detail. Incidentally — Herr Gottlieb’s whiskers leant forward — speaking of the Thunderer , congratulations on your poem last Sunday, Professor, I found it particularly brilliant. (Hans remembered the poem, which he had read in the paper while having lunch — declamatory tone, long symmetrical verses, forced rhymes.) My daughter and I agreed, you know how much we both admire you. Professor Mietter gave him a look of perfect surprise, as though he had no clue what he was talking about, and then pretended suddenly to remember. Heavens, that, really, it was nothing, said the professor, waving his hands in the air (as if to say, thought Hans, “my self-admiration is even greater”).

As the discussion continued, Hans questioned his own state of mind. In an attempt to be honest, he had to admit his reservations towards Professor Mietter might be motivated by envy, or more precisely, by jealousy that Herr Gottlieb had included Sophie in his praise of the professor’s poem. Although (Hans thought, consoling himself on the one hand while on the other feeling ashamed of himself for doing so) perhaps Herr Gottlieb had only said this in order to make his remark sound more polite. Could Sophie really admire poems such as those of Professor Mietter? Not knowing where to direct his dismay, Hans noticed that Rudi looked completely distracted, and almost instinctively, he said vengefully: And what about you, dear Herr Wilderhaus, did you appreciate the poem as much as we did? Rudi looked up from his teacup, glanced about with a startled air, and, sitting up straight, replied: Regrettably on this occasion I am unable to share my impressions, for there are days when I do not have time even to browse the newspapers.

Naturally, Professor Mietter said, straightening his wig, I don’t mean to excuse these atrocities, but tell me, have you seen the way some young women dress nowadays? How much more can they reveal? At this rate, there will be no more dressmakers! Sophie (who that afternoon, Hans could not stop noticing, was wearing an elegant, low-cut, pearl-grey dress and a fine coral necklace, because when the salon was over she was going to spend the evening with some of Rudi’s friends) raised an eyebrow and said: Professor, I am sure I must have misheard you, could you explain what you meant by that remark? Mademoiselle, said Professor Mietter, it was only a joke, there is no need to make a drama out of it. You are quite right, Sophie smiled disdainfully, the victims provide us with quite enough drama. (Take that, Mietter! Hans thought gleefully. And once again he said to himself: Of course she couldn’t like that poem.)

Given that there are no witnesses, suggested Herr Levin, we cannot rule out the possibility that this masked man might be a kind of collective myth, that is, ahem, a pretext to justify, as it were, shameful indiscretions. I must admit, said Professor Mietter, your idea is an ingenious one; in any event it would explain why the police have not yet arrested anyone, and the increase in the number of cases being reported. Gentlemen, Sophie said folding her arms, both of you seem to me to be rather carried away this afternoon! Liebes Fräulein , Professor Mietter said, adjusting his spectacle frames, I hope we have not given you the wrong impression, rest assured I consider myself a most fervent admirer of the fair sex. Is that so, Professor? Sophie replied, clasping her coral necklace. And in what way do you admire us? I have the feeling this debate could prove most informative. Well, Professor Mietter said, taking a deep breath, in my opinion women, cultured women that is, are on a higher spiritual plane. Unlike so many uncouth men we encounter in our daily lives, such women appear to be untouched by vulgar things. (Even when they wish to be touched by them? remarked Sophie. My child, Herr Gottlieb chided her.) Believe me, Mademoiselle, no man of honour would dare underestimate the highest destiny that is the lot of every mother, to be the pillar of her family, a source of filial love, a focus of harmony and, why not say it, all that beautifies our homes — do such merits strike you as trifling? (Let us say, she replied, that with a little effort I could think of a few more.) My impulsive friend, I’m afraid you insist on misunderstanding me. I do not mean to argue that men are superior to women, almost the contrary. I am simply saying that men possess certain innate abilities in some areas, just as women undeniably possess them in many others. That is why the roles some women writers challenge today are no more than the result of the application of logic, the product of centuries of human relationships. (How reassuring, Sophie said, to know that science sanctions our domestic chores.) These are not my words, but those of the distinguished moral philosopher Hannah More, whose works I should add I have read with interest, and who I imagine, being a woman herself, cannot be charged with militating against her own sex. (You would be surprised, dear Professor, how relentlessly some of my friends cultivate their misogyny. And speaking of British women moralists, have you by any chance read Mary Wollstonecraft? I can recommend a good translation.) I cannot say I have, my dear, but in any case there is no need — I’m perfectly able to read in English.

The clock struck ten. Herr Gottlieb and Rudi Wilderhaus rose to their feet as one. Seeing Rudi stand up with him, Herr Gottlieb paused — should he go first and wind up the clock as always, thus turning his back on his illustrious guest, or should he wait for Rudi to make the first move? As Rudi in turn waited courteously for the head of the household to take the initiative, there was a moment of comical embarrassment. Rudi himself put an end to this by offering his arm to Sophie from a distance and announcing in a commanding voice: Shall we go my dear? She made as if to get up, settled back in her seat then finally stood up. Perhaps, Sophie said, we might stay another half-hour and then … Rudi smiled beneficently with the perfect understanding of one who regrets that the answer is no, spread his arms in a gesture of helplessness, and replied: You can see, my love, how late it is already. Sophie pursed her lips, and for a moment Hans thought they were going to show her dismay — he concentrated on them, on their shapely hesitation, willing them to pout. But Sophie’s sensible mouth formed into a proud smile, and she pronounced to her guests: My dear friends, please be good enough to excuse our hurry, which, as I announced earlier, forces us to bring our gathering to an early end. I promise I shall make it up to you next Friday by prolonging our salon into the early hours, and, your appetites and my dear father permitting, by offering you a more substantial dinner. My dear girl! declared Frau Pietzine, setting aside her needlework. Pray don’t be late on our account! Then, with a hint of sadness Hans in some way found moving, Frau Pietzine added: And above all enjoy yourself! Enjoy yourself to the full!