K. Randis - Spilled Milk

“Brooke, it was just a glass of milk. You know? No reason to get upset.”

I nodded but he didn’t understand. How could I not get upset? Everything I had ever known was a lie. Dad’s don’t react like wild beasts in every house. Mom’s don’t ask questions while waiting for answers that would only benefit them. It was a world I didn’t know, and I didn’t understand.

I recalled when I tried to run away with my sister to my Grandma’s house. Even then I didn’t have a real reason, it was like I knew something was wrong, but until that very moment in Paul’s house I could never put my finger on it. Now I knew. Families aren’t all perfect, but they sure don’t measure up to the fear and manipulation that steered our household. They can be safe places. I couldn’t believe it.

“Did you hear a thing I just said?” Paul stopped and stepped out in front of me. I was so wrapped up I didn’t realize he had been talking.

“Yes.” I lied.

“Then what’d I say?”

I looked down. “I know, the milk was an accident. Sorry I overreacted.”

“The milk?” Paul looked lost. “I was asking you if you thought we could see each other tomorrow after school. What’s going on?”

My face was on fire. “Nothing.”

“Nothing?” Paul crossed his arms over his chest. He was so handsome, so normal. I didn’t deserve him.

“Kids, I need to get Brooke home.” Gina was standing in the doorway, yelling down the block.

“We need to go.” I grabbed Paul’s hand and steered him towards his house. His loving, safe, milk spilling house.

About a month later I called Gina from the school nurse. When I told her I felt sick she didn’t skip a beat to tell me she’d be at the school in ten minutes to pick me up. I felt bad calling her at work, but I couldn’t stay in school. I barely made it through the first ten minutes of homeroom before I asked for a pass to the nurse.

Dad took full advantage of Mom being in New York since she had a consultation for her back. Gina didn’t ask questions as she signed me out, but she glanced at me over and over as we made our way into the parking lot to get into her minivan.

“I can tell you don’t feel good honey. You look like Paul wearing those sweatpants and sweatshirt like that.” She tried to get me to smile, but I pulled the hood closer around my head.

“Yea.” I shifted my weight. It hurt to move.

“I’m surprised they let me just sign you out like that. I thought only parents could do that.”

My turn to smile. “I put your name down as an emergency contact before I handed the sheet in to my homeroom teacher.”

She nodded, eyebrows raised. “Oh. Yea, well, that will do it.”

We rounded the corner of her block and I concentrated on the click-click-click of her turn signal.

I left my book bag in the car and inched my way to the front door. Gina followed me inside and when I got to the top of the stairs I turned around and caught her staring at me.

“Brooke, you’re moving very…” she trailed off. “Maybe we should call your mom?”

I closed my eyes. Talking was taking all the strength out of me. “No. Please. I know Paulie is going to a friend’s house after school today. Is it okay if I just sleep here for a while?” Familiar pain rose in my stomach. I had to lay down.

Gina bit her lip. I took comfort in how much Paul looked like her. “Sure, sure. Go ahead and sleep. Close the door if you want so you don’t hear me out here. I’ll just be cooking so call if you need me.”

It was around eight in the morning when I finally settled under Paul’s covers and drifted off to sleep. I drifted in and out of a deep slumber over the next few hours. Around five in the evening I woke up when the bedroom door creaked open.

“Nah honey,” I heard Lou say, “She’s still sleeping.” The door closed behind him and I fell back into a deep sleep until eight, when I felt a warm body lay next to me.

Paul.

He stroked my face and placed a hand on my forehead in the dark. “She’s still sleeping?” Gina whispered. “Maybe we should wake her up to eat something?” She sounded concerned.

Paul shifted his weight off the bed and I heard him back out of the bedroom. “She’s okay Ma, just let her sleep.” I drifted again.

Banging echoed down the hallway and I jumped awake.

Gina hissed through her teeth “Who is that? Paul get the door. It’s ten o’clock at night.”

I heard the front door open and some confused conversation between Gina and Lou. Then a familiar voice filled the room. “Where’s Brooke? She was supposed to be home an hour ago.”

Dad.

I sprang out of the bed half asleep. I grabbed a pair of pajama bottoms from Paul’s top drawer and pulled them over my sweatpants. My hands shook as I combed them through my hair to pull the mess into a somewhat polished ponytail and I took a huge gulp of air before I opened the bedroom door.

When I looked down the hallway Gina and Lou were looking at each other uneasily. They didn’t know how to respond to Dad’s tone of voice. I approached the foyer area and held my breath.

“Hi Dad.”

Paul looked up surprised to see me. Dad tightened his lips and looked over what I had on. He craned his neck and struggled to maintain his composure. “Brooke, we need to go. Now. Get your stuff.”

“I’m, uh.” My tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth. “I’m staying here…tonight.”

Dad’s eyebrows clashed together. “You’re what? ”

“They said I could stay the night.” My voice wavered as I nodded towards Gina and Lou, who were now looking at each other to see which one had given me the permission. “I have to be at school early tomorrow for a project. Gina said she would drive me in the morning.”

Dad moved his hands into a fist and tilted his head. Before he could speak Gina piped in.

“Yea sure. I did. I said that. She’s got a project. No big deal, I pass there in the morning and she-” Her eyes darted around the room. “She will sleep… on the couch. No problem. We gave her pajamas.”

Dad erupted into a fury of carefully subdued curse words before directing his voice directly at me. “No way are you sleeping at your boyfriend’s house, get your stuff, and get out in the car. Now.” He backed towards the door and I searched my brain for a rebuttal but couldn’t find one. I turned in defeat to head to Paul’s room.

“David, do you want a cup of tea? Or coffee?” Gina’s voice told me she wasn’t used to cursing like my dad had just done. She looked for a way to stall from me getting in the car with him while he was angry.

“No.” He rubbed his five o’clock shadow and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “Brooke!” he yelled down the hall, “Hurry it up.”

I shimmied off the pajama bottoms and wrote a note on Paul’s dresser saying sorry and asking him to bring my book bag into school the next day since it was still in his moms van.

Gina and Lou were expressionless as I shuffled past them. I looked at Paul in fleeting glimpses as I reached the bottom of the foyer and watched Dad walk out the front door.

I looked back once, started to apologize, and then stopped. Their eyes told me I didn’t have to. So I squeezed Paul’s hand and readied myself for the long night ahead as I walked out the front door.

“Everything you hear about cheerleaders is true.” I slammed my tray down next to Cristin and looked around the cafeteria to make sure no one else heard me. “They’re so mean. I mean, it’s not like I tried out thinking I was going to take over some girls spot to be a flyer. It’s not my fault I weigh twenty pounds less than the other girl.” I munched the skin of an apple then slid my tray out in front of me. “I can’t even eat I’m so annoyed!”