Yan Lianke - Lenin's Kisses

But now in the shadows you can walk like the wind.

When you were alive, all you could see was a sheet of darkness

But in the shadows you can see a sheet of light.

When you were alive you couldn’t hear the thunder,

But in the shadows you can hear a pin drop.

When you were alive you would open your mouth but no words came out.

Now in the shadows you open your mouth and a beautiful song pours forth.

Remember, remember, remember,

If you turn back, you will face a sea of endless bitterness and eternal regret

Like grass without roots,

Like a tree without a trunk,

Like rice sprouts without water,

Like a river without a shore, without movement, and without moisture.

If you look back, you will see endless bitterness and eternal regret.

If you continue forward you will encounter a deep sea of good fortune.

Think carefully before you act,

And don’t let this opportunity become lost in the shadows.

CAO’ER SINGS:

Alternating between wandering and continuing forward,

Alternating between cloudy rain and clear skies,

Alternating between floral fragrance

And bitter tears of exhaustion.

When I reach heaven will I be as blessed as the eastern sea?

If I return to the mortal world will I experience a sea of eternal bitterness, and will my sleeves be wet with tears?

I wander and wander and wander some more.

I walk forward, then double back, my heart not at rest.

If my husband’s clothes get dirty, who will wash them?

If my children get hungry, who will cook them noodle soup?

When the pigs enter the pigpen, who will shut the gate?

Who will give the chickens their feed?

Who will give the ducks their slop?

Who will cut some grass for the ox?

Who will give the horse some grain?

Who will give the cat some water?

Who will cut the dog’s dirty fur?Who will sweep the courtyard in the fall?

Who will stay home to watch the house during the busy summer months?

Oh, my home, my home, my home,

How can I bear to enjoy my fortune alone, and abandon my home?

(Looks back, says) — My home, my sweet home!

THE HIGH MONK SINGS:

You will walk along the shadowy path for seven days.

On this fifth day it is drizzling.

You mustn’t miss this opportunity.

If you look back again, you will miss this opportunity.

The heavenly gates in front of you will then be shut.

CAO’ER SINGS:

The flowers are not as fragrant as they used to be,

The grass is no longer as green.

If I look back and waver, I will miss this opportunity.

After reflecting, I can’t bring myself to look back.

THE HIGH MONK SINGS:

Five days have already passed, and now it is the sixth.

Yesterday you did not look back, and today the rain and wind will cease and the sun will come out.

The grass is still as green as before,

And the flowers are still as fragrant.

The bodhisattva and other spirits are already at the gates waiting to welcome you.

The gates to heaven are shining a light in your direction.

CAO’ER SINGS:

Six days have already passed.

When the sun sets it will leave a rosy glow.

I hesitatingly proceed forward.

I anguish over whether or not to look back.

THE HIGH MONK SINGS:

The seventh day is already upon us.

The purple cloud and rose-colored dawn.

The gates to heaven are wide open.

Cao’er, you should go forward.

If you step forward you will be as fortunate as the eternally flowing eastern sea

But if you step back you will endure a sea of endless bitterness.

CAO’ER SINGS:

The sun of the seventh day is already upon us.

Purple clouds and rose-colored dawn.

The gates to heaven are open.

And I have no dark thoughts.

If I step forward I will be as fortunate as the eternally flowing eastern sea

But if I step back I will endure a sea of endless bitterness.

I have already seen the smiling bodhisattvas standing at the gate.

The gate to heaven is brightly illuminated,

The gold-paved road is broad,

And the silver-plated walls are bright.

I can already see various spirits standing next to the bodhisattva

With their long sleeves, broad belts, and benevolent expressions.

Young boys happily welcome me with dimpled cheeks,

and jade-like girls with long braids laugh.

If I advance, there is the road to heaven,

But if I retreat, there is the road to hell.

If I advance, there is the gate to heaven,

But if I retreat, there are the depths of hell.

If I advance, there is eternal happiness,

But if. . But if. .

But how can I bear to see my blind husband enter the kitchen

Handling the spring planting and autumn harvest all alone?

Harvesting the grain alone,

Tears stream down his face as he cuts the beans.

Who could help him sharpen his sickle?

Who would help him wash his clothes?

How can I endure this, how can I endure?

How can I bear watching my deaf-mute son walking alone along the street,

Wanting to ask for directions, but having no voice?

When other people speak to him, he merely stares in confusion.

How can I endure this? How can I endure?

How can I bear to watch my daughter lying paralyzed in bed?

Struggling to crawl forward,

When she tries to close the chicken cage, she is unable to walk over to it,

When she tries to feed the pigs, she is unable to lift even half a pail of scraps,

When she tries to feed the horse, she is unable to cut the hay,

When she tries to lead the horse, she cannot untie the bridle,

When the dog is hungry all she can do is stay in the doorway,

And when the cat can’t find its way home she simply cries her eyes out.

My home, my sweet home!

Although this thatched hut may be dilapidated and run-down,

It is still my home.

The chicken coop and pigpen are also my home.

How could I forget? I don’t dare forget.

The blind, crippled, deaf, and mute are still my family.

I am my husband’s wife and my children’s mother.

Whatever fortunes heaven might hold, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy them.

The roads are paved with gold and silver but I cannot see their brilliance.

Difficulties and travails I would willingly enliven.

The endless sea of bitterness is my fate.

(She suddenly turns, and shouts loudly)

— Oh, my husband, my children, my ox, horse, pigs, goats, and chickens!

Further Reading:

1) Flatbread.Dumplings, but because they are flat, they are called “flatbread.”