Yan Lianke - Lenin's Kisses

Chief Liu wanted to continue calculating, but the crowd once again erupted in wild applause. It turned out that he didn’t merely want to host a livening festival; he was also going to distribute money and grain. One-Legged Monkey stood on the left-hand side of the stage with both hands lifted over his head, as if he were reaching for something. He was not tall enough to be seen, and normally when he stood up he would lean into the willow crutch wedged in his armpit, with the majority of his weight supported by the crutch. But now that he tried to straighten his body, the crutch slipped from under his arm and fell to the stage, leaving him no choice but to continue standing there on one foot. No one had any idea he could stand on one leg for so long. It seemed that he would stand there as long as the applause continued, while the crowd looked as though it was prepared to continue applauding enthusiastically as long as he didn’t fall over.

By this point, the sun was almost at its zenith. The people’s faces were flushed and their bodies were covered in sweat, and they were clapping so hard that it seemed as though their hands were getting swollen. Chief Liu was profoundly moved by the applause, and repeatedly gestured for the crowd to stop. But the more he gestured, the louder the applause grew, until it seemed to fill the entire world, alternating between rhythmic clapping and utter cacophony. The sound echoed from the mountaintops to the sides of the gorges, reverberating as it spread farther and farther. It was as if the livening festival had been held not for the sake of the shows and performances, but rather merely for the sake of applauding. A feeling of happiness coursed through Chief Liu’s heart like a stream of fresh water through a drought-plagued region. He turned and pulled a stool out from under one of the musicians, then placed it at the front of the stage and hopped onto it. Shouting into the wall of applause, he said,

“I have taken note of who isn’t applauding. Those leading the applause were all from Liven, while those who didn’t applaud were all outsiders.”

As he shouted this, the applause gradually died out, and the people from Liven looked around for the outsiders from other villages. The field immediately grew quiet and there was a chill in the air. The outsiders gazed up at Chief Liu, as some of them tried to hide behind other people or behind a tree, but Chief Liu continued smiling brightly.

He stepped off the stool and took several more sips from the glass of water Secretary Shi was holding, then shouted at the top of his lungs,

“Friends from other towns and villages, you shouldn’t feel I am playing favorites simply because I am giving the inhabitants of Liven grain and money. I realize that when Liven had its summer blizzard, each of your towns and villages also experienced hot snow, and even in places where it didn’t snow there were strong winds that affected your crops. I want to give you all some good news. You have all heard that I will travel to the Russian Federation to purchase Lenin’s remains? You all know that at Spirit Mountain we have created a national forest park, and have already begun construction on what will be Lenin’s Mausoleum? I am happy to report that we have already raised some of the money that we will need to make the purchase, and the district government has already agreed to match all of the funds that we raise. If we raise ten million yuan, the government will donate another ten million, for a total of twenty million; if we raise fifty million, the government will donate another fifty million, for a total of a hundred million. Given that Lenin was a world leader, Russia certainly won’t give us a discount on his corpse. The price will be in the hundreds of millions, and consequently I have asked everyone in the county to donate more money. I heard that one peasant sold his pigs and chickens, and even hauled his parents’ coffins to the market in order to raise money. Some people sold the grain they were planning to plant next year, while others married off their young daughters. I would like to offer my apologies to all of you from the Balou mountain region, and to everyone in the entire county. I, Chief Liu, have let you down, and have also let down the eight hundred and ten thousand residents of the county.”

As he was speaking, he solemnly bowed down, and the crowd grew even more solemn. He continued, “What good news do I have to report to you at this time? I’m happy to say that I’ve already raised a sizable Lenin Fund. I just need to raise another large sum to bring the total to fifty million yuan, which, combined with the government’s matching funds, would leave us with a hundred million.”

“One hundred million yuan — that’s more money than you could carry on a shoulder pole, or even in an oxcart or a horse carriage. For that much cash, you would need a Dongfeng truck, and I intend to drive this truckful of cash to that country called Russia and sign a contract to purchase Lenin’s corpse. If I don’t have enough money, I can pay an advance deposit and sign an IOU for the rest, whereupon I would bring Lenin’s remains and deposit them here in the Lenin Mausoleum in our Spirit Mountain. Fellow villagers and elders, when that time comes, you will have more tourists here than ants. For those of you selling tea-eggs by the side of the road, if you originally sold them for twenty cents, you will find that now you are able to sell them for thirty or fifty cents, or even a yuan or more. If you open a small roadside restaurant, you will find that you’ll never be able to shut your door, that customers will flock in like students just released from school. If you wanted to open a hotel, you would find that even if the bed is dirty and the ceiling leaks, or the comforter is stuffed with straw rather than cotton, or the bedding is full of lice and fleas, you wouldn’t be able to keep customers away even if you were to break their legs with a stick.

“I tell you, after having endured this year’s calamities, next year’s heavenly days are almost upon us. The sun rises in the east, but it will shine only on your houses and courtyards. People in other counties might have mountains and trees and water, but they won’t have Lenin’s corpse. Neither the sun nor the moon will shine down upon them.

“It’s okay if you didn’t applaud for me today, but after I bring Lenin’s corpse, it will be too late to bow before me.

“Today everyone can watch the livening festival. I won’t say another word, and instead will listen to the performance of Balou tunes with everyone else. These will serve as my opening remarks for this year’s livening festival.”

As soon as he said this, the stage became completely silent.

It was not quiet for very long, however — just long enough for a leaf to fall to the ground, whereupon the crowd once again erupted in wild applause, and the musicians on stage began playing their drums and gongs. The musicians playing gourd pipes and percussion looked upward as they played, while those playing fiddles and drums had to look down at the crowd below, and occasionally glanced upward at the sky as though there was an extraordinary scene up there. They performed Birds Flying Toward the Phoenix . The music sounded like millions of birds flying and singing in a forest.

The sun was shining, bathing the field in a deep warmth, covering everyone’s face in sweat. Chief Liu and his secretary sat in their red bamboo seats below the stage, and periodically took out their handkerchiefs to wipe their faces. One-Legged Monkey didn’t have a seat, so he stood in a corner of the stage leaning on his crutch. He glanced around for a fan for Chief Liu and, as he was doing so, Jumei’s daughter Huaihua suddenly showed up in a pink shirt, with a smile that made her face look like a flower. She was carrying two large cattail leaf fans, and handed one to Chief Liu and the other to his secretary. One-Legged Monkey noticed that when Secretary Shi accepted the fan he smiled as he nodded to Huaihua, and she also smiled as she nodded back to him, as though they had known each other for more than a hundred years.