Elaine Wolf - Camp

“I’m leaving.” Andy started off slowly, inviting Jed to follow.

Rory offered a different invitation. “Wanna undress her, Jed? Have a little fun with the new girl? A wicked good time?”

Jed watched Andy go, then tracked the beam from Rory’s light to my robe. Time froze while Jed considered.

Run! Now! I told myself, but my legs didn’t listen.

“No. Andy’s r-r-right. B-bye.”

“All right, girls. Glad none of you are as stupid as they are, walking away when the fun’s about to start.”

Rory and Jessica ripped off my robe and tossed it toward the lake. I crossed my arms over my chest.

Rory’s flashlight settled on my underpants. “Well, lookie here. Amy’s got panties on. Now how can she go skinny-dipping if she’s not naked?” The light arced from my underwear to my crossed arms and back down. “Get ’em off, girl.”

My throat closed. I choked as I hugged my shoulders.

“Oh, let her swim like that,” a camper from Bunk 10 piped up. “She’s embarrassed enough.”

“You shut up or you’re going in too.”

“Come on, Rory,” another girl said. “Just throw her in with her panties on. What’s the big deal?”

“Jesus! You cowards should’ve gone with Erin’s group. Would’ve given me more to look forward to when I punish those chickens.”

I squeezed my knees together.

“Take ’em off, Amy. I’m tired of playing with you.”

“No!” My cry forced itself out.

“Shut up. Someone’ll hear you.”

Finally I found my legs. I kicked off my flip-flops and ran, arms still crossed on my chest.

“Grab her,” Rory ordered.

They wrestled me to the sand.

“One more move and you’re dead, Amy Becker.” Rory’s fingernails scraped my skin when she yanked down my panties.

“No!” I lowered my arms, tried to hide my crotch from Rory’s light.

“Cover her trap, Jess. And keep it covered.” Rory hurled my underwear toward the lake. “The rest of you, pick her up.”

Only Jessica moved, slamming a hand over my mouth. The back of my head dug into the sand.

“Let’s go. I told you to pick her up. Now!”

They pulled me to my feet, unclenching my arms. My tears flowed as Rory’s flashlight played peekaboo with my breasts, my groin. I squeezed my knees tighter. Don’t cry. Don’t feel.

“Time for that swim,” Rory said. “At last. So two on her arms and two on her legs. Robin, you’re legs.”

Robin and one of her bunkmates grabbed my ankles and lifted me while Rory’s light fixed on my crotch. “Want a good look at your cousin?” Rory asked as she slithered between the girls at my feet, inching Robin over.

No answer.

“Come on, Robin.” Rory kept her light on me as they carried me toward the lake. “Didn’t you and Amy ever play doctor, you being family and all. So how ’bout a little game now?”

“No.” Robin’s voice was a whisper. “I’m… I’m not into girls.”

“Well then. We’ll just see what action you whip up with the Saginaw boys.”

They hauled me to the end of the dock. The cold air pressed my body as they lay me on my back. Wooden planks rammed my spine. My nipples stood like pencil erasers. I tried to roll onto my stomach, to escape into water.

“Don’t even think of it,” Rory said, setting her flashlight down and grabbing my ankles. “You’ll go in when I say so.”

I folded my arms across my chest again, squeezed my knees as hard as I could.

“Okay. Now. Do it, Jess,” Rory said, freeing my legs.

Jessica’s hands were clammy on my shoulders. I hit the water before she could shove me, let the lake take me alive.

Ithrew up on the sand, then crept toward senior camp, shivering as I went. Rory had made off with my robe, no doubt, when she and her gang scrambled back to bed, leaving me alone in the lake. No clothing. No light. Just my flip-flops, where I’d finally kicked them off to run.

I stumbled into the black cabin, arms shielding my crotch, my breasts, in case Rory played with her flashlight. But there wasn’t any light. No light and no sound. Only a stifled giggle from Jessica. Yet I knew Rory wasn’t finished with me.

I sneaked into bed, the blanket soggy from my robe. Rory had put it there, I imagined. It dripped reminders: I didn’t belong here; the girls didn’t like me; I wouldn’t survive. What would they do to me next?

I shook from the cold and the damp. From embarrassment. Disgrace. Oh my God, they’d seen me naked. I curled into a ball. Don’t cry , I warned myself again. But I couldn’t blink back tears.

I felt the hand as if in a dream. Was that Donnie, reaching out from the bed next to mine? She passed me my nightgown. I snuggled into it as exhaustion rolled through me. Yet sleep didn’t come. I closed my eyes, and there was my mother. It’s your fault, Amy. Robin’s new too and they didn’t throw her in, did they? If I hadn’t worn the uniform to the bus, I thought, if Charlie hadn’t made a scene, we wouldn’t be at war. If I were sexy like my cousin, Rory might have spared me. If I had big hair and polished nails, the girls might have liked me. Yes, my mother was right: I was responsible. It was my fault for not having a good body. My fault for not understanding dirty jokes. My fault for not being popular. Why would anyone want to be my friend? I cried myself to sleep—silent tears so no one would notice.

In the morning, I avoided Rory’s eyes and ignored her stupid grin. Patsy said I looked like “a frightened jackrabbit ready to run.”

“Bad dreams, I guess,” I told her, wishing more than anything that were true. And when Donnie and Erin asked if I was okay, I used my mother’s end-of-discussion tone: “I’m fine. I just don’t want to talk about it.”

Only Nancy wouldn’t let me get away with that. After lunch, she summoned Erin and me to the head counselor’s cabin. It was nestled by the lake on the fringe of junior camp, as silent at rest hour as the waterfront the night before.

All morning the scene had played in my mind: Rory’s hands on my underpants; her light on my crotch; the dock; the water. Dark. Cold. All morning I had prayed Rory would die. I wanted it to happen in the lake, Rory flailing her arms and screaming for help, a snapping turtle zooming in between her legs.

Now Erin and I draped our legs over Nancy’s bed and pumped our feet to the rhythm of the lake. “I’d rather eat worms than listen to Rory all summer,” Erin said.

Nancy, in the middle, put her arms around our shoulders. “Clarence said the boys told him it got nasty. I’m so sorry, Amy.” Nancy massaged my back. I welcomed her touch, the warmth of her words. “But why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you come to me without my calling for you?”

My throat closed, blocking words.

“I swear,” Erin chimed in, “I’m not gonna let Rory boss us around anymore the way she does every summer. God, it just makes me so angry, how she treated Amy. Even worse than what she did to me two years ago. And I really thought if I went back to the cabin, if enough of the girls followed me, then Rory would give up and leave Amy alone. But no, not Rory. Always needs to show how powerful she is. And never you mind who gets hurt.”

“What did she do to you, Amy?” Nancy’s fingers pressed into my shoulders. “I need to know exactly what she did.”

“Tell her, Amy,” Erin pleaded. “You have to.”

The water. The lake that had swallowed me. My embarrassment was too great; my fear, too heavy. “If you tell, you’re dead,” Rory had warned when she heard Nancy call for me. “Remember,” Rory whispered as we left the dining hall, checking to see that Patsy lagged behind, “if you ever tell anyone, you’ll be really sorry. And anyhow, it was just a skinny-dip, just a little fun. In fact, you enjoyed it. Didn’t you, Amy Becker?”