MAN:
Tell me,
tell me
about us
that night.
WOMAN:
I sense something
secret: you are tearing off
the bandages
so you may drink
your blood, provisions
for your journey to there .
MAN:
That night,
tell me
about us
that night.
WOMAN:
You
circle
around me
like a beast
of prey. You close
in on me
like a nightmare.
That night, that
night.
You want to hear about
that night.
We sat on these chairs,
you there, me here.
You smoked. I remember
your face came
and went in the smoke,
less and less
each time. Less
you, less
man.
MAN:
We waited
in silence
for morning.
No
morning
came.
No
blood
flowed.
I stood up, I wrapped you
in a blanket,
you gripped my hand, looked
straight into my eyes: the man
and woman
we had been
nodded farewell.
WOMAN:
No
wafted dark
and cold
from the walls,
bound my body,
closed and barred
my womb. I thought:
They are sealing
the home that once
was me.
MAN:
Speak. Tell me
more. What did we say?
Who spoke first? It was very quiet,
wasn’t it? I remember breaths.
And your hands twisting
together. Everything else
is erased.
WOMAN:
Cold, quiet fire burned
around us.
The world outside shriveled,
sighed, dwindled
into a single dot,
scant,
black,
malignant.
I thought: We must
leave.
I knew: There’s nowhere
left.
MAN:
The minute
it happened,
the minute
it became—
WOMAN:
In an instant we were cast out
to a land of exile.
They came at night, knocked on our door,
and said: At such and such time,
in this or that place, your son
thus and thus.
They quickly wove
a dense web, hour
and minute and location,
but the web had a hole in it, you
see? The dense web
must have had a hole,
and our son
fell
through.
TOWN CHRONICLER: As she speaks these words, he stops circling her. She looks at him with dulled eyes. Lost, arms limp, he faces her, as if struck at that moment by an arrow shot long ago.
WOMAN:
Will I ever again
see you
as you are,
rather than as
he is not?
MAN:
I can remember
you without
his noneness — your innocent,
hopeful smile — and I can remember
myself without his noneness. But not
him. Strange: him
without his noneness, I can no longer
remember. And as time goes by
it starts to seem as though
even when he was,
there were signs
of his noneness.
WOMAN:
Sometimes, you know,
I miss
that ravaged,
bloody
she.
Sometimes I believe her
more than I believe
myself.
MAN:
She is the reason I take
my life
in your hands and ask
you a question
I myself
do not understand:
Will you go with me?
There—
to him?
WOMAN:
That night I thought:
Now we will separate. We cannot live
together any longer. When I tell you
yes,
you will embrace
the no, embrace
the empty space
of him.
MAN:
How will we cleave together?
I wondered that night.
How will we crave each other?
When I kiss you,
my tongue will be slashed
by the shards of his name
in your mouth—
WOMAN:
How will you look into my eyes
with him there,
an embryo
in the black
of my pupils?
Every look, every touch,
will pierce. How will we love,
I thought that night.
How will we love, when
in deep love
he was
conceived.
MAN:
The
moment
it happened—
WOMAN:
It happened? Look
at me, tell me:
Did it happen?
MAN:
And it billows up
abundantly,
an endless
wellspring. And I
know — as long as
I breathe,
I will draw
and drink and drip
that blackened
moment.
WOMAN:
Mourning condemns
the living
to the grimmest solitude,
much like the loneliness
in which disease
enclothes
the ailing.
MAN:
But in that loneliness,
where — like soul
departing body—
I am torn
from myself, there
I am no longer alone,
no longer alone,
ever since .
And I am not
just one there,
and never will be
only one—
WOMAN:
There I touch his
inner self,
his gulf,
as I have
never touched
a person
in the world—
MAN:
And he,
he also touches
me from
there, and his touch—
no one has ever
touched me in that way.
(silence)
WOMAN:
If there were such a thing
as there ,
and there isn’t,
you know — but if
there were,
they would have already gone
there.
One of everyone would have
got up and gone. And how
far will you go,
and how will you know
your way back,
and what if you don’t
come back, and even if
you find it—
and you won’t,
because it isn’t—
if you find it, you will not
come back,
they will not let you
back, and if you do
come back, how
will you be, you might
come back so different
that you won’t
come back,
and what about me,
how will I be if you don’t
come back, or if
you come back
so different that you don’t
come back?
TOWN CHRONICLER: She gets up and embraces him. Her hands scamper over his body. Her mouth probes his face, his eyes, his lips. From my post in the shadows, outside their window, it looks as if she is throwing herself over him like a blanket on a fire.
WOMAN:
That night I thought:
Now we will never
separate.
Even if we want to,
how can we?
Who will sustain him, who will
embrace
if our two bodies do not
envelop
his empty fullness?
MAN:
Come,
what could be simpler?
Without mulling or wondering
or thinking: his mother
and father
get up and go
to him.
WOMAN:
In whose eyes will we look to see him,
present and absent?
In whose hand
will we intertwine fingers
to weave him
fleetingly
in our flesh?
Don’t go.
MAN:
The eyes,
one single
spark
from his eyes—
how can we,
how may we
not try?
WOMAN:
And what will you tell him,
you miserable madman?
What will you say? That hours
after him, the hunger awoke
in you?
That your body
and mine, like a pair
of ticks, clutched
at life and clung
to each other and forced us
to live?
MAN:
If we can be with him
for one more moment,
perhaps he, too,
will be
for one more
moment,
a look—
a breath—
WOMAN:
And then what?
What will become
of him?
And of us?
MAN:
Perhaps we’ll die like he did, instantly.
Or, facing him, suspended,
we will swing
between the living
and the dead—
but that we know. Five years
on the gallows of grief.
(pause)
The smell
from your body
when your anguish
plunges on you,
lunges;
the bitter smell in which
I always find
Читать дальше