A. Yehoshua - A Late Divorce

“Zasulich, right, excuse me. Zasulich? What really could she have been like? Most likely simply another one of your disturbed young persons — after all, you yourself said that that general was a friend of her parents. To go and shoot him just because of something she had read… oh no, you can’t convince me that it was a matter of ideology. What I look for in such cases is always the personal angle, and I wish my historian friends would get off their high horses and look for it too. Connie has taught me to pay more attention to the psychological fine points, and believe me, it’s as though a curtain had gone up on my world. But to do that you’d have to read in the original… in Russian…”

“I’m studying it now.”

“Are you! I’m glad to hear that. I’m sorry I don’t live close enough to help with it…. What was that?”

“What?”

“Those metal things sticking up back there.”

“It’s an air force memorial.”

“A new one?’

“No. It was there in your time too.”

“I’ve never noticed it before.”

“How often were you ever in Jerusalem?”

“That’s so. Those last years I was hardly there. I was imprisoned with her in the house. Every time I went out was a production. But you’ve forgotten all that, and now you blame me for trying to salvage what’s still left of my life…. What’s the matter?”

“Nothing. I’m just tired. I didn’t sleep well last night.”

“I know. I heard you tossing in bed. Why don’t you close your eyes? I promise you I’ll shut up…”

“You don’t have to. I’ll never sleep on this bus.”

“You’re driving yourself too hard… deliberately… I could see it in your class. You’re so intense, like a bowstring… you’ll burn out quickly, old man. And where did you get all that pathos from? Is it really from me? Certainly not the power of it, though… and you’ve chosen such gloomy subjects. Although you do have a talent for making things seem important. Even when you were a tot you’d come home from school and have the whole family breathless with some account of a cat or a fly that you’d seen on your way…. Where are we now? What happened to the Trappist monastery that used to be here? Or am I completely confused?”

“We’re on a new bypass now.”

“Ah, yes, the famous new road. I read about it. There was even some picture in the paper of the ceremony when the Prime Minister or the President cut the ribbon. Zionism isn’t dead yet if we still hold such pageants for a few kilometers of paved road.”

“You were on it yesterday too.”

“I didn’t notice. I’ve no head for landscape, old fellow. I hardly know where I am yet, though I’ve been here four days. Ail right, the first day I slept right through, I was simply dead on my feet. Day Two I waited for Kedmi, who insisted on going alone to the hospital and came back empty-handed. Yesterday I spent with you, and today I’m going back again. God only knows what she’s cooked up for us. I don’t trust anyone anymore. And I was so sure that it would only be a matter of a day or two, the signatures, the divorce ceremony, everything, and that I’d be free to spend some time with you afterwards, to see old friends, to look for books. Everything was supposed to be settled. All those letters back and forth, the long-distance phone calls… Kedmi drove me crazy with the tiniest details, he’d call me about them in the middle of the night — collect, of course. He enjoyed torturing me…. What’s that over there?”

“I don’t know. What? That forest?”

“No, over there.”

“It’s just some little army camp.”

“Do you think you could close your window a bit? It’s terribly windy outside. Don’t tell me it’s raining again!”

“I can’t tell ”

“Ya’el told me that there hasn’t been a winter like this here for years. I know you’re angry at me for dragging you up there today. You’ve always made people feel that your time is a valuable commodity. Never mind, though: you can lose a day of your life for your father’s sake — and for your mother’s too. Believe me, it’s also for her. So you’ll get your professorship one day later….I simply couldn’t bear the thought of having to face her all by myself. And Ya’el is immobilized whenever the two of us start to quarrel. If only Tsvi had been willing to come. But he wasn’t…. Well, it doesn’t matter. You haven’t seen her for so long that you owe her a visit anyway. Kedmi claims that he’s seen more of her these past few years than you and Tsvi put together. And even if he’s exaggerating as usual, we can’t let ourselves be talked about like that. People will say that we’ve thrown her to the dogs. After all, Tsvi was always close to her, and you should visit her too now and then even if it is far away. Where are we turning off to now?”

“To the airport. From there we take the Petah Tiqva road.”

“Ah, I see. And this four-lane highway continues to Tel Aviv?”

“Yes.”

“Tel Aviv is the place I miss most, and in four days this is the closest that I’ve gotten to it. The humidity… the sea smells… the broad sidewalks with the café tables already set out on them in early afternoon… Jews who visit this country always talk up Jerusalem and run down Tel Aviv — and I let them. Just try telling them that Zionism began with men who left Jerusalem for the coastal swamps. Who can appreciate that today? Jerusalem, Jerusalem, it’s a regular cult….I want you to do the talking for me there. Explain to her that it’s all finished- Talk about freedom, human values. Your moral judgments always counted a great deal with her. Be gentle but firm in that imposing way that you have…. After all, you’re on my side, we see eye to eye. Ya’el gets too emotional, that’s why it’s best for her not to talk. I won’t say any more than I have to either. Because once I start, everything will flare up… I’ll keep my mouth shut, you’ll see…’’

(Then why don’t you start now?)

“Don’t say anything about another woman or a baby. Don’t talk about the past or even about me. Talk about principles. I’m glad Tsvi isn’t with us… God only knows what he thinks. Kedmi can stay out of it too, there’s no need for him. The four of us will sit and talk quietly… it’s all up to you. What will you say, have you decided?”

“More or less.”

“We’ll hear her out first, and then we’ll do some explaining. I want you to know, though, that I’m not at all dependent on her. She’s the one who will have problems if she doesn’t agree. I’ll manage, there are all kinds of ways… if necessary, the child can be legally adopted by me. Don’t let her feel that I need her… it will only bring out the cruelty in her. She still can’t accept the fact that I’m no longer under her thumb. Talk about principles in that logical way you’re so good at… unsentimentally, as though it were a lecture to your students. I’m counting on you…. Isn’t there going to be a rest stop?”

“No.”

“Once they used to stop at some diner on this trip.”

“There’s no point in it anymore. The whole ride barely takes two hours now.”

“You look so pale.”

“I’m just tired.”

“Then why don’t you try to sleep? You can rest your head here, I’ll squeeze over.”

“No, I can’t sleep on buses.”

“That’s because you’re afraid of losing control.”

“Where did you get that idea from? You’ve suddenly become this big psychologist”

“I’m afraid to fall asleep when I travel too. But never mind. I’ve been meaning to ask you: do you have enough money?”

“For what?”

“In general. I’ve noticed that you worry about money a lot. If you’re hard-pressed, let me know. I’ll scrape up something over there and send it.”