Jáchym Topol - City, Sister, Silver

I took the subway and walked through the tubes. Trying to ignore the swarms. Černá a computer programmer, ridiculous, maybe I should’ve taken a pass through the building. I can always go back. Sooolingens! Step right up an get cher Solingens! someone on the platform hollered. They slice, they dice, they chop up chives, Solingen, the sharpest knives! Some old bag was harassing the commuters, a cutting board strapped to her belly, with sliced tomatoes, a few scraps of meat, and something green. A set of blades glinted in her hands. I went over to check if the green stuff was kiwi, still hadn’t seen one of those yet. Turned out it was just a pepper. But the old bag wouldn’t let me go. It’s a miracle, look at that, she flourished a knife before my eyes. For a mere two thou, incredible, wow, tell me what does your sweetheart cut with now? She got me. Go ahead and wrap me up one, mother. Comin up, professor, comin right up! Stuck me with a full set. And keep the change, mother, I told her kindly. A hundred thousand thanks, God bless you, professor! As I stepped on the train, I heard her say: I’m not your mother, you lousy creep! My face flushed a little as the train pulled away. The other passengers smirked. I put on a menacing air. It helped.

Meždek. Photo studio. Whole place reminded me of some dictator’s hospital. Too clean, too white. Death and pain discreetly tucked away, under a pall, off in the corner. Every doormat the same, right down to the last fiber. In the lobby they had a rent-a-cop with a gun. Who’re you here for? Mr. Meždek, I said. Ah, photos, yes? Testing me, like it wasn’t written on the mailbox. How’d you guess, I said saucily, and went in. In front of each door were slippers or shoes, depending who’s home and who isn’t, it hit me. They’re scared of thieves, that’s how come the gorilla downstairs. Somehow I didn’t picture Černá’s fella living in a place like this. I had a feeling she was more the type for places where folks weren’t scared. Assuming I was on the right track. I stood at the door a pretty long time before I heard footsteps. I prefer to play it safe. Something snapped shut, sounded like a fridge. I knocked. It’s amazing how this works. People’re so used to the buzzer that when you knock they usually open up even if they don’t want to be bothered. Just curious what the change is all about. The footsteps inside fell silent. I knocked again, softly but insistently. Confidentially. The door slowly swung open. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Granddad outta some fairy tale. Pink robe, slippers with pompoms. Peering at me, terrified. Deep blue eyes and … pink lips, the guy had on lipstick! His smile drooped when he got a load of me. Some folks don’t like my looks at first. He tried to shut the door, but I strong-armed him and stepped inside. Guy was victimhood incarnate. Every bone in his body begged for mercy. Didn’t start yelling or swearing. Looked more like he knew he might get what he had coming. I chose my tactics accordingly. Where is she, I rasped. Not a word. There was a plea in his silence. Where is she, I said, where’s my sister! Here, I said dramatically, touching my chin, she’s got a scar here. Ah, you mean Maruška, he shed a little tension. His voice was what I’d expected, high and reedy. Tremblin. But Mařenka isn’t here, she only sits for me once in a while. Where do you do it, I roared. Guy got on my nerves. For God’s sake, what … what do you mean … sir … backin away from me, his voice wasn’t the only thing tremblin now. I followed him, still walkin backwards, into the next room … there was a rocking horse in the middle covered with ribbons and bows … pink curtains on the windows, couches around the walls with some stuffed animals, all kindsa dolls, one huge one … a beach ball, I spotted a jump rope … Maruška never told me she had such a big brother, we could have worked something out … she just came here to relax, do her homework, why I never … I’m an old man now … she’s a good little girl … I wouldn’t’ve laid a hand on the old fart, but if he was talkin about Černá, if she was so bad off she hadda come over to this freak’s place to relax …

Don’t lie to me! The police’ll be interested in this studio a yours! I beg you, Mařenka can do whatever she … but I just have to see my little girl, look what I have for her … he ran, actually more like danced, over to the closet … opened it up, look what good care I take of her, I only want the best for her … pulled out a dress, white with red polka dots, luxury stuff, gold stitching … this one is her favorite … a white summer frock with a bolero, he said … I plopped down on the couch with the stuffed animals … this chick couldn’t be Černá … bolero! … looked like the photographer was in his element … we never, don’t think it for a minute, Mr. Brother sir, that’s not my sort of thing, all she did for me was … dance … he dropped his ass down on that heap a glad rags … frocks … I want the pictures, I said … I don’t have any!

I got up and walked towards him. No, really … wait a minute, there’s just this one from Paris … Laurent put it out … he ran across the room, robe fluttering, dug through the papers on his desk, pulled out some fashion mag, flipped through it till he came to the spread, and offered it to me. I yanked the sacred pages out of his hand and went over to the window … two photos of a very young girl … that’s one thing Černá’s not anymore … still there was somethin … maybe the nape of her neck, the face floated in half-light, her legs were bare, I didn’t know what Černá’s ankles looked like yet … one of the pictures showed the girl from the side, and there was somethin about the way she had her arm raised … for an eternity, the way her hand was bent at the wrist … she’s beautiful, so very beautiful, Meždek said standing next to me … it is a mystery, they are the mystery of life, the gateway … Yeah right, we all come outta cunts, I felt like bein mean … and of death … their mystery is on the inside, like their sex, it is invisible … not like ours … I’ll take this, I yanked out the photos and tossed the rest on the floor … ach, he said … I despised him … even if that Mařenka girl wasn’t Černá … takin their pictures, robbin em, babblin on, what’s he wanna go showin em to everybody for, the world the way it is … what if someone decides to kill that girl for bein so beautiful, it can happen … he stood lookin at me, you want to destroy her just like you destroyed that magazine, you aren’t her brother, you just want her for yourself … just then the doorbell rang.

Is it her? I croaked. No, he said hesitantly … I don’t know which of us got to the door first, but I opened it.

A woman stood there as if carved out of stone, holding the hand of a little girl that looked like an angel from one a those paintings of the Holy Virgin. Maybe it was on purpose. Golden hair down to her shoulders. Tiny lips slightly garnished. Standing somewhat defiantly. I guess the way little girls look when you promise them the biggest cake in the world and a pony named Pony to get them to go to the dentist. I’ve had it, the stone woman said. Leaving us out here like that where all the neighbors can peek at us. She swept past me, dragging the girl after her. Meždek shut the door behind me.

Back out on the street, I stuffed the pictures into my jacket next to the Solingens, a cloud covered over the sun. I’d hafta go back and see Hadraba, that was obvious, I’d run outta leads. Maybe that was just some random street name she’d blabbered out to the cabbie. I wasn’t in the mood for Hadraba or Jícha. But those guys hadda know somethin.

Ach, She-Dog, your pupil and your chief, Potok the patient, Potok the wage slave, convict and merchant, the old actor has forgotten his part. Lost in the wings, plot forgotten … she made no reply, only I knew why. O my She-Dog, give me strength, together we were like Beauty and the Beast, it’s just that now and then we forgot who was who … till then it happened, and it happened to both of us, not just to me, you went and flew off into the air, cause that’s the way it was, I’ve gotta believe it … you went and flew off to a better world … hope you’re doin all right, wherever you are.