Jáchym Topol - City, Sister, Silver

Blood pounded in my temples. I had no doubt this was the Creature, it was him, the demon …

Are you gonna kill me? I stammered.

I’ll think about it, Potok. Why don’t we have a nice talk, huh?

Even his voice was childlike. He came in. The glow from his eyes lit up my burrow, the barrels shining … silver.

You’re … I squeezed out, you’re from the well, Kučera’s boy.

Yeah, he said, hanging his head. A little kid with a crewcut, in shorts, a T-shirt, and sneakers. White socks, standing there, hands in his pockets.

An you know what I saw down there? You know what all of us saw?

Uh-uh.

Torture, you know? They showed us torture. An they let us touch it, they let us get inside it a little. Just a little teeny bit. But each of us was all alone an we were sweating blood. Blood. Get it? Me an those big girls an the granny. Why us, I don’t know. Do you? An we were afraid someone was gonna do it to us too. What they were doin to those other people. We didn’t know how bad it could be till we saw. Anyone can do it. Anything’s possible. An we were all by ourselves, an then we weren’t even human anymore. We changed down there. An you know what we changed into, Uncle Potok, do you? the boy whimpered.

What do you want from me?

I want you to help me.

I crossed myself. The boy smiled. His glowing eyes smiled too. I touched the Madonna on my chest, the boy nodded his head.

That’s why I’m here. I hadda do some real bad things, you know.

He stuck out his tongue, licked his lips, gave me a wink, then rocked up on his toes like he was stretching … and took a step toward me. I was afraid he was going to touch me.

I’m just a little boy, you know? he said. An I can’t take it much longer. It’s too much. Little boys like me, when they don’t have a daddy … he winked at me again … or mommy, they get tired real quick. You know?

I just gulped.

I want you to do something … to me, he took another step closer … I’m just a lost little boy, said the Devil, an it took me a while to find you. I had to ask around, he laughed, rocking up on his toes again, but now here I am an I’ve got you. He blinked, and in the glow that came from his eyes his lashes were totally white … he stood looking at me … and I realized to my amazement that I was standing upright inside my cave, like all at once the walls had grown, I saw stone and wood, smelled the rot … yeah, that one you called Vulture was scared of rats, so I did a rat for him … another one was scared of cops, so I showed him a cop, well, they’re in hell now, how bout you? What’re you most afraid of? Do you know? … we were standing in a tomb and lying on the catafalque was a little white coffin, not for me, flashed through my mind … nope, said the boy, it’s for me, I want peace … you gotta do it, said the Devil, my little boy body’s all tired out, it was horrible doin those things.

How? I stuttered, my voice sounded like it was coming from out of the sacks on the ground.

Shoot me, the boy said. With what you’ve got in your hand. An whatever you’ve got that’s valuable. Once you do it, you’ll be able to protect yourself. Forever. I’ll be back tomorrow. An if you aren’t ready, I’ll hafta stay on earth like this … an it’ll hurt you a lot. Bye now, Uncle Potok. The boy walked out of my barrel shack. Without a sound.

I couldn’t sleep. That was no dream, uh-uh. What’m I supposed to do it with … whatever I’ve got that’s valuable, and from then on I’ll be able to protect myself … he’ll come for sure, that glow, everyone who came out of the well had that glow in their eyes. Then I realized what he meant.

The next day I spotted some people again. They’d said they weren’t leavin, that they were gonna stay till the end, but the night before they’d found another shredded body … one insisted they oughta call the cops … yea an den dey chase us outta hea … naw, man, the guy laughed, we call em in, an it eats dem … heh heh, the bottles went around the circle.

Found a mold among the wrecked cars, I think some thing for ball bearings. I didn’t say goodbye to Madonna, just gave her a pat like a thousand times before … my grandpas, she’d protected every one of them, but now I guess the world’s different an I gotta fight … I melted her down, the bullet came out pretty well … I think I know who was helpin me, the fire got the black coating off, then I scraped and smoothed the surface … turned the silver bullet in my hand … pretty handsome … I stood up … for the first time in ages I did a little dance, just with my elbows an heels … then I roared, true … and good thing I’d been in the army, I took apart the AK-3 and put it back together … then waited, had a few cigarettes.

It was a full moon. One minute I was shuddering, the next I just grimaced. An when I do this, will I go back to bein human? With a kind face and a sneer underneath, or the other way round, or both at once? An maybe … you know, Černá, wherever you are. I hope you’re doin all right.

He stood before me.

Look, big man, I cut up my knee, he sniffled, we were playin monkey in the middle …

I didn’t move.

Are you ready? said the Devil.

Yes.

Yesterday … it’s funny … the guy was scared of trucks so I changed myself into a car, you should’ve seen his face … I shredded him to bits. It hurt him. Are you scared?

Yes.

Then watch this, the Devil said.

And the little boy began making faces, leering, laughing, his face peeled off from inside … like it was being swallowed by fire, dissolving in some solution, his eyes were glowing though, you could almost touch the silver glow, and then … he had on a warm-up suit, it was still a tyke, but another one, in a striped T-shirt … sulking, soccer cleats on his feet, and around his neck …

No, I said.

He was blond, skinny, elbows scraped, the way little boys’ are, around his neck was the thin imprint of a string, and on the string …

I can’t, I said, dropping the rifle on the ground.

Because that key … I knew it, I’d opened the door with it a thousand times, and there was the vestibule, my father kept his sack of birdfeed in there, I was scared of that sack … scared the Blind Man from the pirate movie was hiding inside and would jump out and grab me, I’d raced past it into the kitchen a thousand times …

I wanna go home, the boy whimpered.

His eyes were blue, a little bit cock-eyed, I recognize him, myself, I remember … I remember every mirror from back then …

Where am I? Lemme go home. I don’t wanna be here, said the boy.

I picked up the rifle.

I picked up the rifle and placed the barrel to his temple, clenched my teeth, and squeezed the trigger … bang! … he tumbled onto his back, head spurting blood, the bullet had torn his face wide open … the body curled up, eyes twinkling a moment, then he shut them and he was gone.

You did it, I heard a hiss. You’re free.

I know, I screamed, squatting on my heels, rifle in my lap, the barrel was warm … I had to sway, just with my head … back and forth … back and forth … the hissing voice I guess came from me. I don’t know if it said anything I was supposed to remember. Anything of value.

I knew where to go. As fast as possible. When I woke the next morning, there was frost everywhere. Don’t they even get fall here, the one season I was fond of, even if autumn stuff did occasionally throw me off pretty good … I needed to warm up, slipped into my duds. Took the rifle and tossed it in one of those gurgling holes. Then headed out. Made it through the Dump in a couple hours. By now I knew the way.

On the street people turned and stared, bundled up in that quilted jacket, plus the skier’s thing on top … I made quite an impression. And then I realized, I must stink pretty bad. Compared to how I’d dragged at the Dump, I was moving fast now. I had a reason, too. And maybe I was too late.