Norman Rush - Mating

So it was none other than Nelson Denoon! He was so famously sardonic! So heretical! He was so interdisciplinary! Economics, anthropology, economic anthropology, you name it in the policy sciences, not to mention development proper and being in actual charge of a sequence of famous rural development projects in Africa! In fact, he was supposed to be in Tanzania at that very moment or until just recently and arguing with Julius Nyerere, or was I out of date or was he just everywhere?

Here was someone at the level of Paulo Freire or Ivan Illich, but nonreligious, totally, therefore not dismissable as a mystic. Here was the ultimate beneficiary of the academic star system and a star himself, who was somehow against it and reviled it at all times, which only made him more of a star, more in demand, more invited to conferences, always a panelist, never a rapporteur. Here was the acme of what you could get out of academia: teach where you like, get visiting fellowships and lectureships, grants, get quoted, jet around, rusticate a few years in the bush if you felt like it. This is how I saw him. I remembered that in fact I knew he had left Tanzania after — what else? — a famous harangue against the revered head of a sovereign country that was the left’s darling, a polemic that — what else? — had been published in hard covers, something that was essentially a pamphlet. Which had been met with the most pleasant eruptions of praise and rage, per usual.

He was at the pinnacle of whatever vineyard I was laboring in as a groundling. I’m not proud of the vibration the image I had of him created in me. It was a textbook example of ressentiment. I was thirty-two and a woman and no doctorate yet, no thesis even, and closing in on my thesis deadline. I had been working my tits down to nubs in the study of man, with the result that my goals were receding farther the faster I ran. So it seemed.

Z sensed he had something I wanted more on. He was acute. I was so labile it was ridiculous. It would be about as hard to read me as being in the kitchen and noticing when the compressor went on in the refrigerator.

Did I know the party, then?

Only by reputation, I said. What else could he tell me?

Now he was cagey. He was adamant that he had no idea where the project was, exactly. That was very closely held. But he held out the faint possibility that in a pinch he could find out. Ho hum, I thought: for a consideration, he means, and what might that be?

I was having the berserk and faintly triumphant feeling of having cornered Denoon, just because we both happened to be in Botswana. This was not absolutely stupid, because for the white presence Botswana is like one big very dispersed small town. There are only a million people all told, black and white together, in a country the size of Texas or France, as the intro paragraph of every project proposal on Botswana reads. But Denoon’s being there felt like providence. I was certain I could get his attention this time. A king can look at a cat for a change, I thought. This shooting star had apparently been sedentarized in my bailiwick — so, good. I wanted to see him in the flesh, see how he was holding up. Was he the same black Irish kindly Satan persona with hair like a Sioux, black as night, dispensing piercing glances left and right, or not?

People felt so strongly about him. When he was the topic of conversation you got sick of hearing the cliché that either you hated his positions or you loved them, there was no middle ground with him. Friendships had broken up over his book. The development business is full of suppressed hatred between schools of thought, and the passion arises because money is involved. Developmentalists are competing tooth and nail for project money to enact their theories someplace. This is the only way to know you’re on top. It isn’t like English History, say, where the prize is getting into every bibliography until the end of time because what you figured out about Tudor statecraft subsumes and overturns everything anybody else wrote, up until you. Development is more like research medicine, where you rise and fall according to the grants you rack up. In regular scholarship what you get is the joy of subsuming your predecessors and peers: they thought they were rivers but you turn them into creeks, tributaries to your majestic seaward flow. And Denoon not only pierced competitive theories on paper, he did live projects, lots of them one after another.

Anthropologists were particularly conflicted about Denoon because of his celebrated scorn for the field as a whole. But anthropology needs development and gets dragged perforce into taking sides on schools of thought or on projects. There is hiring involved. You need feasibility studies, you need sensitivity monitoring, you need impact evaluation, you need retrospectives of various kinds and degrees of thoroughness. For some reason he had basically a left academic constituency, which was odd because he was notorious for taking the position that marxists had no development theory worth the name: from Lenin onward development was just whatever took place after the spokesmen for the proletariat took power. But still they loved him. How did they like his famous Capitalism is strangling black Africa: Socialism will bury her! I wondered. He was the theorist you hate to love. I had to know how he was doing. Was he still the equivalent in development terms of Orson Welles in the movie world when he was at his zenith between Citizen Kane and The Magnificent Ambersons ? Had he slipped at all, since we all slip? I wanted to see him in the flesh.

Tell me at least if he’s married, I said to Z. He had been, the last I’d heard. I couldn’t help it. Eminence is not the best medium for marriages, is what I was thinking.

I can tell you something about that another time, Z said. It’s an interesting question. I would say yes and no. It’s an interesting story. But there was the question of our um prognosis.

I was slightly unforthcoming.

Well, there was more he could tell me, possibly. Denoon kept his movements in Botswana, when he was offsite, very private. But he thought Denoon was about to be in town for a short while. Z might be able to find out more about that too.

He had me and knew it.

Could we not just go on seeing each other for a time, at a pace of say once a week, since I had gotten him well over the hump with his back? It’s your hands I’m going to miss eternally when you leave, he said, your marvelous hands, your great gift.

Another choppy night ensued after he left me alone with my new fixation. I slept minimally, then got up and cleaned the premises and wrote another lying letter to my mother.

A Fête Worse Than Death

I was wound up when I met Denoon. The night was muggy, with freak intermittent blasts and lurches of hot wind, which was fine somehow when I was walking over to the reception with Z but nerve-wracking during the aeon we had to wait in a mob outside the locked gates of the house we were invited to. The hosts who were keeping us in the street were the USAID mission director Arthur Bemis and his wife, Ariel. Apparently we were waiting for the receiving line to complete itself.

Just getting into the AID director’s house was considered a coup, because of the decor. People said it was like being in Asia. From the street the place looked Moorish: there were high pink perimeter walls, polychrome tiles outlining the arch around the locked gates, palm fronds visible lashing back and forth above the walls. There was a huge attendance, half of it Batswana out of the state bourgeoisie. We were very dressy. Z was wearing an actual cummerbund, my first. I was wearing a black skirt with kick pleats and a tank top, also black. I needed a full skirt at that point in time. Cursing was going on in several languages as women hunched and swiveled in the wind while their coiffures came to pieces. We couldn’t see Denoon in the line, which prompted Z to tell me again that it was only a rumor that he would be there at all.