William Gaddis - J R

— One step ahead of you there too Beamish already set up a page for Wonder Beer in The Onion Crest G I next printing may even work it right into the…

— But the authors Mister Davidoff, the writers…

— Best thing ever happened to them ask Duncan here, come in spouting art and literature what they really mean’s a big advance on royalties, book finally comes out at fifteen dollars sells two thousand copies they blame him blame the reviewers blame tv blame everything but production costs and your little old lady at the Shady Nook book store spouting art and literature rakes off half wet her pants when the paperbacks came out spread culture grabbed the mass market now you pay hardcover prices for paperbacks, what pays production costs for your tv spectaculars what keeps the Times on the street what keeps Virginia where’s that old New Yorker magazine lying around here…

— That soldier borrowed it Mister Davidoff he needed some pictures to trace for the General to…

— Ran through it yesterday Beamish counted five hundred forty columns two hundred was text the rest of it ads, turns into a catalog and they’d lose their mailing privilege so what you read’s as long and lively as the phone book suffocate you if there wasn’t a picture of a Cadillac or a bottle of whisky every time you turn a page…

— You make your point Mister Davidoff I see it regularly, though I do believe I recall a cartoon some two years ago I found quite amusing, now if we may return to the plight of Mister Duncan…

— Don’t worry about it, still afraid he won’t see his full purchase price out of future earnings why he wants a look at what Skinner’s got laid out this way Mister Duncan, gal I brought along from Diamond topflight track record in curriculum management in here spreading out this whole textbook line to take on these ad revenues boys down at the agency bringing them in faster than…

— Mister Davidoff you’re not suggesting, excuse me for interrupting but you’re not also suggesting carrying advertising matter in school textbooks…?

— Not my suggestion Beamish straight from the Boss we just carried it over to the trade list here, whole inspiration came from these matchbooks he picked up Mooneyham’s company there for in the first place got the names of every company product plan and service from hearing aids to funerals into the hands of every camper smoker and hophead in the country, need proof just look at the way this new aspirin took off cornered the market overnight with that straight-from-the-shoulder punch line it’s green! Whole case of them in there put a few in your pocket when you leave watch your jacket there Mister Duncan, buttered roll on the bed better move that coffee Miss somebody on the phone Virginia?

— It’s that Mister Hyde Mister Davidoff he…

— Just tell him to hold on got our gal here giving Mister Duncan the fifty cent tour wants a look at her…

— Mister Davidoff excuse me but before this whole project proceeds further I believe certain important legal questions may…

— Don’t worry about it Beamish just got Piscator back from California on it, get across to these state systems where they buy all their textbooks in a lump grab a cost conscious ear in the legislature and we’re off and running see these local boards of ed lining up like dominoes when the word gets out to the taxpayers school taxes up to their wait Virginia where’s that schoolbooks backgrounder you were sending out, have to call it back I just saw the title you typed scared for sacred want to see it picked up by the Reader’s Digest our gal here trying to reach these bleeding hearts…

— The fear psychology aptitudes reading levels all that stuff and junk, she came on through bread, the gone bite in the buttered roll smeared with lipstick like the coffee cup at her knee on the bed and the cigarette raised quivering now her contact lenses were out she looked at Mister Duncan with no interest at all, — it’s not the kids, if they find a Cheerios or Reese Peanutbutter Cups spread in the middle of their math lesson they’ll think it’s a ball it’s not the kids, it’s the parents that make the trouble brought up with tv they ought to be used to love stories documentaries mysteries all that bla bla bla break off for clogged sinks underarms…

— But Miss, Mister Davidoff surely you don’t intend to accept advertising for such things as deodor…

— Don’t worry about it Beamish see what she’s spreading out for Duncan right here all pegged to the grade level…

— Gum cereals candy bars all that stuff and junk is the primary grades bikes sports equipment records seventh and eighth on up nothing till French Three and advanced algebra on deodorants tampons all that bla bla bla…

— Here’s a cute one they just came up with for ninth grade algebra once the USDA opens up and the trademark’s registered, smoky letters rising out of the grass here see them? I’m Mary Jane, fly me. Gets the idea right across Skinner got that title page? Motto running right along here under your Duncan and Skinner colophon bringing the world into the classroom and the classroom into the world gimmick Skinner here came up with, dug out this name educator Thomas Dewey for the PW announcement of this children’s encyclopedia turned it into a crash project, team of salesmen out blanketing the city with samples of volume four pull in enough orders for the set we can go through with the other nine paying half cent a word all that ad space bypass your little old lady at Shady Nook hit your educable public right in the supermarket where they live ought to retail at the price of a package of what’s this Virginia…

— This memo I typewrited eight copies of you…

— Got your carbons in backwards again the Boss has a Xerox machine delivered to uptown headquarters place we really need one’s right here oh and Virginia this time you run it through I thought I told you to set quarter inch margins, something the Boss saw on tv sends out a companywide order to set every margin a quarter inch to save paper whole reason this publishing end’s got top priority in the first place all this paper the Boss says we might as well print books on it, now he’s heard it costs more to keep presses idle than to run them so he wants them rolling day and night’s why Skinner’s got his gal here doubling in brass on this She dummy give the American gal a whole new image…

— Age spots corns ugly veins unwanted hair flabby waistline drooping bust dry skin hemorrhoids all that stuff and…

— I hardly see how you expect to sell…

— Advertising Beamish sell advertising mail the magazine free to a guaranteed audience, put out a mag like Her play the numbers game with your ad accounts spend five dollars to get subscriptions you sell for four and lose our shirts like the rest of them, She hits the stands and they’ll all line up like dominoes target your ads in on your guaranteed audience you’ll see boat magazines free to boat owners sex mags free to kids and singles photo mags free to camera buffs just get the lists knock out this five percent return on direct mail and your ad boys will pay the difference to know who they’re reaching…

— Age lines nerves headaches flabby thighs small busts oily skin cracked nails split ends all that bla bla bla…

— Targeting in on every one of them drugstores selling us customer lists through wholesalers handling the Nobili prescription line gets some mileage in this feature she’s got spread out there let Duncan here get a look at what Skinner’s getting into…

— Yes that’s…

— No here Mister Duncan over here, at last…!

— Yes that’s…

— At last! A Personalized Plan from Nave to Grave, funeral right through the cemetery with the drug line nursing home tie-in somebody at the door?