William Gaddis - J R

— Good, God… he recovered the edge of the sofa.

— Yes, Mister Beaton…? No, no nothing I, I just knocked over a vase, what… Yes but you told me… but when I was in your office yesterday you said, you said you thought… But I told you this would happen! I told you it would with your court orders and depending on an old fool like Judge Ude to… He’s senile and alcoholic and you know how many lawyers have please…! She seized the hand prying past her knee, — what? No I’m upset yes of course I’m upset, if no one else is going to do anything I’ll go over there myself if I must and… Not what you called about? Well then what… Right now? to come down to your office oh honestly…! The phone buried against one breast she rent his face from the other, — now will you please stop it! and she pulled up the tear in the robe. — Yes hello? yes of course I’m all right I… yes I told you I’m angry you can tell Uncle John that I… That I was made a trustee with what understanding… No I certainly don’t want to talk to him now tell him I don’t care what he arranged, if he didn’t have to ask me about selling it all just to destroy this child’s father he doesn’t have to ask me to come down there and sign things so the Foundation can will you stop it! I’m sorry what…? No tell him that too I don’t care what the Foundation does when this tender offer goes through either, if all he and Daddy think about is… No he hasn’t, when I called him his office said he wouldn’t be back in Washington until… Well he knows I’m not out there teaching anymore doesn’t he? that I’m here just waiting at this number for someone to… Well it’s my trust fund isn’t it? Can’t he simply now please…! No I’m sorry but, if he’d just call me, yes… and she stood, the robe pulled round her tight. — Honestly Jack, honestly! How can you be so, couldn’t you tell this was important? I simply sometimes I simply don’t understand you!

— Well what do you… he was up with a step toward her and stopped, pulled his shirt together to little purpose — wait where are you…

— I’m going in to take a shower, you might use one yourself.

— Oh… the shirt parted with his step after her, — fine we’ll…

— When I’m finished Jack. And I got you a razor, it’s there in that bag with the cough drops I wish you’d use it.

— Amy, I’m sorry Amy… he dropped his eyes from hers and then, tone dropped to an aside, — love means being able to say you’re sorry… and he winked.

She looked there, snatched the robe over the dark circled crest peering from the tear in it — honestly! It’s not funny Jack you’re not funny! and past him she pulled the collar of it suddenly to her eyes.

There was no sound but running water. Back on the sofa he reached down and scratched, brought up the ankle to examine it as though for signs of life, tore open the paper bag from the table and the box in it for a cough drop gone with a heavy crunch of teeth as he reached for that handwriting arabesque and Flaw in Nature’s Symmetry? crushed in his hand, opening and closing on the wad of them getting over for the phone, dialing, and the wad went flung to the top of a drapery. — Tom…? Yes it is listen what the hell is going on, I just called your… To me? no what do you mean nothing’s happened to me, I’m… Won the double yes called you that night haven’t been able to since, I’ve been… No I know it God damn it I’m sorry Tom listen buy you a shirt, buy you a new suitcase and fifty shirts I won the… What Schepperman? you’ve found him…? no I told you I haven’t had a chance to… no I know it but God damn it look Schramm now it’s Schepperman I… For me what do you mean for me what made you think I’d… What and the school told you I wasn’t there anymore…? God damned right I have yes, found a cleaner greener maiden in a neater sweeter land look has my lawyer called me there? Only number I could… She agreed to it? the visiting rights too? Thank, Christ I… was worth how much? But… Well good God no, broken down old family company I never imagined it was worth… Worst God damned best news I ever had though God damn it it’s worth it, every two weeks rain or shine writing that God damned money order to the Department of Probation so she can bail out that poor son of a bitch out selling textbooks even brings her his laundry, God damned shirts on the line every time I go out there to… What, now? No I’m uptown someplace feels like we’re entertaining in Bloomingdale’s furni… Not Ninety-sixth Street Christ no haven’t been there since the… What do you mean office equipment no, I… Bast? no just trying to write music as far as I… No thought I might use the back there though Schramm’s place, to… No that’s not what I mean no, to work in, try to get back to that book I… no I will yes but wait, that idea for a game I had have you thought of it…? No down there that night idea for a parlor game Tom God damn it you’ve got to remember it before we see somebody else come out with it make a million… No I almost have it and then it slips away all I come up with is Baby Jeeter and the three God damned… To tell me who called…? Didn’t know I gave Stella your number no what did she… no good Christ no just what I’m recovering from Tom got a sweeter cleaner… Tonight? I, no I don’t think so have to call you but I don’t think… for Schepperman yes but I’ll call you… he hung up, turned to raise the wad of torn drawers on a toe and came silent down the hall’s carpeting, shirt parted brushing behind her where she stood in the bedroom door one hand resting white on a warm cheek wet from the shower, and she held up the towel with the other.

— You can use the shower now, here…

— Amy…

— Please… her shoulder turned from his breath’s solicitous warmth, her hand from the solicitation parting his shirt below.

— But Amy…

— Jack can’t you understand! I’m simply, I simply want to go out for some air if you’ll simply get ready, we might look for a suit and that shirt, did you look in these drawers for one?

— Yes all right! He pulled one open, clattered it closed and pulled the next, — good Lord… he reached in, — someone you know?

— What? Oh that’s, no will you just put it back please.

— Lacks sympathy doesn’t she, needs old Lucien in there feeling in…

— Put it back! Honestly Jack I’ve…

— Mustache is a nice touch though… and he turned to watch the shimmers mounting from her steps through the door where he stepped aside for her a moment later carrying a packaged shirt, to return, wet, unfurling it behind her at the glass where she lined an eye. — Sorry, can I get at that drawer?

— You’ve got a shirt in your hand, what…

— Well look at it damn it size ten, shall I put it on? Size ten for a, now what’s the matter…

— Nothing, nothing but why you can’t simply, laundries make mistakes can’t you simply look for another one without…

— Well damn it that’s why I wanted to open the drawer! He clattered it open again, — one more in here, he said tearing away the gay wrapping, holding it up by the collar, — well Christ.

— Jack I can’t…

— Well look at it! Clean starched ironed and ripped right down the God damned front, beautiful transparent packaging Your Shirt Sir! Serviced by Professionals God damn it can’t you see why I, talk about my negative thinking you tell me how tired you get of my negative thinking about everything but every God damned place I look there’s something clean neat packaged serviced by professionals and ripped right down the God damned front…

— Will you hand me that scarf…

— Some black girl three dollars a day standing there steaming shirts in a window watching the commuting trains up from Grand Central the professional son of a bitch who designed the packaging sold a million on his way home to Larchmont she rips the God damned thing down the front folds it wraps it doesn’t even notice…