William Gaddis - Carpenter's Gothic

But the sun she looked up for was already gone, not a trace in the lustreless sky and the unfinished day gone with it, leaving only a chill that trembled the length of her. — He'd never have gone, she said. — All your talk trying to, whatever you were trying to do turn him into some kind of a, like a disciple somebody who'd be no, no he'd never have been on that plane.

— I don't, what do you mean. I didn't even know it, I didn't know that's what he…

— Listen! It rang again in there, and then she was up in the silence that followed and through the door, standing over it, waiting, a hand on it giving its new ring no more than a moment for — Paul yes, yes I'm so glad you… Yes what happened… leaning back against the table's edge looking out, looking at him out there kicking a path away from her. — who did! But he, how could he do that! They can't… but they wouldn't come here would they? to arrest you here? They can't… No but who would believe him, who will believe him Paul there's no way they could prove it now anyhow even if it, if it's only you and him now your word against his and who would… and he'd already denied it hadn't he? When that picture came out in the paper and he issued that vehement denial the day that he left? They can't… well he's dead isn't he! She was watching him out there hands come up behind him, one twisting in the other as though to break free — Paul it doesn't matter! It doesn't matter anymore any of it if we can just, if you can just get them all out of our lives this loathsome little Reverend Ude and Edie's father and all of them, you've done what he wanted haven't you? testified like he wanted you to and saved the whole… no well then I'll call Edie I'll call Edie, if only I could call Edie if I only knew where she was, she can tell him that she can… staring out there where that one hand broke free of the other only to seize it and renew the struggle — it doesn't matter! It doesn't matter Paul none of it matters anymore, the way you were before you left that night with, I, I can't no I can't ever see you that way again I can't, if we can just… And out there now both hands were suddenly gone from sight, brought round in front of him in what, from behind, was a clear demand for their cooperation, where he stood pissing off the corner of the terrace onto the sodden leaves below. — Paul? Paul please listen, I… no I went down there this morning I signed the deposition yes, that I've, that I haven't been able to fulfill my marital obligations the way they put it all in that legal language but, I mean I know I haven't done things very well all the things that I, the things you've tried to do and how hard you've worked for all these hopes that you've, that we've had and now, if we can get a fresh start Paul if we could go away, if… of what? Seven hun… no you didn't lose it no, don't you remember? just before you left you gave me seven hundred dollars for the rent? to pay the rent? And it's… yes I've paid it and… No, no I stopped answering like you told me there was only one it was… no it was, it was Chick it was, Chick it was only Chick he called last night and I, that's all he just, he just called Paul? When will you be here tomorrow? because none of it, if we could just go away? because none of it… no I will Paul, I will…

He'd come in behind her down at the table there, a napkin wad crushed in her hand over the dead phone and he brought up both of his to close firm on the crests of her shoulders, moving only so far that the tips of his thumbs met facient on the rise of her neck, and again — if we could just go away… the lengths of his fingers slipping over her collarbones, down coveting the warmth of her breasts.

— I've been thinking about it, he said.

— About what.

— Clean things up here and leave, pack a few clothes and we're gone. You won't need to take much.

— But I meant… her eyes fallen fixed on these hands harbouring her breasts as though to restrain their rise and fall dextrous and effortless as art in that deceit, vein and tendon standing out yellowed, rust spotted as she'd left them in her own cramped hand on the lined paper safe under blouses, scarves, her breasts rose on a deep breath — I don't…

— Light things, summer things, a sweater or two and a raincoat, you'd need that… his fingers preying closer as though to calm what they'd provoked there — those hot places, that's all you'd need.

— But we, for days even a week I…

— A week? his hands gone from stealth to possession, — what good's a week, no. For good.

— Gone, for good? She turned so sharp his hands lost custody. — There's no, no…

— Why not! He'd stepped back dispossessed, hands flung out in all their emptiness — the whole damned thing flying to pieces, madness coming one way and stupidity the other? to just sit here and be crushed between them? There's no…

— They're going to arrest him.

— Who, who's…

— Paul. That was Paul.

— He called? I thought you weren't answering the, what for, arrest him for what.

— For bribery.

— He's not surprised is he? Grimes finally threw him both ends of the rope?

— It's not Mister Grimes no, it's…

— Of course it's Grimes. What they had him down there testifying about today isn't it? that little piece in yesterday's paper hidden back in the business section? If he told them these bribes were common practice and the whole board knew about them this lawsuit would hit VCR right between the eyes and Grimes with it, triple damages and all, of course it was Grimes. I told you Billy took me out drinking I couldn't get a word in, that's what he talked about he couldn't stop talking about it, that Grimes and Teakell had Paul by the short hair and he'd get up there and testify it was all your father, that your father arranged those bribes and was the only one who knew about them and that's why he shot himself when it all came out, the stockholders would turn right around and wipe out his estate and Paul would walk away clean because Teakell was going to lead him through his testimony and get him a dismissal. With Teakell out of the picture Grimes throws him both ends of the rope and he's up for bribery.

— But that's not what the…

— Why isn't it, he's up to his neck in this mess in Africa isn't he? with all of them down there right now howling for war? this mission tract where they're drawing the line against the evil empire, he set this idiot Ude up for them in the first place didn't he? had that whole tract staked out so Ude's mission could file a mining claim on it and name him secret nominee to hand it over to the highest bidder for the money to pour into his damned crusade? And who's the highest bidder. VCR running shafts right up to the edge of the mission's land when Grimes took things over and tied in with this Belgian consortium, a promoter showed up with word of a big ore find on the mission tract, they bring in Cruik-shank with his scenario and the Rift turns into an inferno from one end to the other. Does Paul know him? Cruik-shank?

— I don't know who Paul knows! And I mean that's not what it's about anyhow, if you think Paul wants to have a war whoever made up these stories you don't even…

— You remember Lester? came up here once looking foi me and you wouldn't let him in the door?

— I mean that's what I mean, the kind of friends you have if you'd trust him, if you'd trust anything he…

— I told you they weren't all friends didn't I? I've never trusted Lester a damned inch, black suit black tie and the black Bible he showed up over there paying his own way, they don't send them out like the Catholics do, one look at him and the locals took him for some kind of intelligence so did the Baganda, out there trying to sell them on the Second Coming next thing there he is in the New Stanley bar drinking orange juice and no Bible in sight. They'd recruited him. Cruikshank spotted the cold blooded fervour in those hard little eyes, he was Chief of Station, set up a Somali they had ten years on for stealing some truck tires and when Lester woke up he knew he was finished, homosexuality's the bottom of the pit out there, everybody taking him for an agent he might as well be one. All the discipline, obedience all the missionary zeal put a gun or a Bible in hands like that and they're just as deadly. They brought him in working on a contingency plan, they do them all the time just to generate paper work, cable traffic, show Langley they're on the job writing these little scenarios, setting up these confrontations till somebody draws the line. It was all routine but finally Cruikshank was so damned well known, he ran a cover as a dealer in local artifacts but you'd see him sitting alone at the end of the bar nobody would talk to him, they shipped him to Angola and when the mess they made of things up there was over they brought him home and gave him a medal he can never wear anyplace. One of those childish secret rituals they hold down there at Langley, put him out to pasture and he set himself up as a consultant like all these dreary faceless sons of bitches the one thing they know is how to survive. Hundred thousand dollar retainer the one thing they've learned is where the money moves and who's got it and the one thing they've cornered is how to get in on it, call themselves risk analysts and the bigger the mess they've left behind them the higher the fee. Iran, Chile, the Phoenix program, Angola, Cambodia, one monstrous miscalculation a few thousand body counts later and they're right there holding their heads up in Le Cirque and Acapulco, obsequious interviews in the Times and discreet dinner parties comparing their little black books with the other black tie refuse, even an expresident or two or their dazed widows, a few decorators, haute couture, any transient damned joke on reality while he's peddling the thing itself on the side in a poisonous little package like Lester. All that disenchanted missionary fervour would never lie steal or kill except in the name of a higher cause, doesn't smoke or drink or chase women all the damned fruits of youth gone bitter like the, like what falls from that old wild cherry down here at the foot of the lawn. Like the Zen master pointing to the forest and asking the acolyte what he sees. Woodcutters. And what else. All the straight tall young trees are being cut down. And what else. Well nothing but, no there's one twisted, rotting, bent old tree they're leaving alone and that's Cruik-shank, that's the successful survivor. Grimes brings him in as consultant, he brings in Lester and Paul brings this idiot Ude blundering into history with his battalions of ignorance hell bent on confronting the powers of evil with the cross of Jes…