William Gaddis: A Folic Of His Own

And now where was he? He must have gone someplace because the car wasn't out there in the driveway, setting off a new round of muttering about the last time this happened, calling the hospitals, calling the police in Hoboken was it? lying in a ditch somewhere and in he walked frozen to the gills it was probably these damn fish again, he'd probably gone up to that place on the highway to get them something for lunch — I mean my God they're eating us out of house and home, can't we do something about this mess in the refrigerator? Ground beef heart and baby brine shrimp mixed up in here with the pickled ginger and sun dried tomatoes, he's got bloodworms and crabmeat and medicines for their parasite bacteria and fungus problems right in with the feta cheese and that Ponentine olive spread that cost God knows how much and what's that on the shelf over the sink, that plastic cup that says cole slaw there's something floating in it, will you throw it out? I've been looking at it for a week.

— No don't! That's mine Christina, that's my jelly implants.

— Well what in God's name are they doing here, are you keeping them for souvenirs?

— They told me to keep them for evidence when I went up there to get my stitches out, I told you I'm going to sue that slimeball didn't I? And they told me they're putting together this big class action lawsuit against him and this whole bunch of doctors and this company that made the jelly if I start to lose my hair and my memory like this other lady I was scared to tell you, there's something else I was scared to tell you Christina.

See I thought when you paid them that fifteen hundred dollars up at the hospital that that was for everything but they said that was just the room and the operating room and the anasthesist and the television rental and the free toothbrush but the doctor's separate. This doctor which took them out is separate.

— What do you mean he's separate.

— Fifteen hundred dollars but…

— Fine. When you win your big lawsuit against the doctor who put them in you can pay the doctor who took them out now let's not talk anymore about it, I want to get, listen. Did you hear that?

— It's these big trucks way out at the end of the driveway, you know that little house that was back there in the trees? It's gone. Right overnight the whole house, it's…

— Not the trucks no it's, listen. It's Oscar! He's, my hands are wet go in there and see what in God's name's going on will you? and Lily? ask him if he's eaten? but she was gone, leaving nothing but the distant rumble of the trucks until her heels came clattering down the hall again.

— He's calling the police, Christina. He's calling to report a stolen car.

— I'll kill him! she whispered, twisting the dishtowel in her hands like a throat — he's, no be still! I told you to remind me to call the garage in town to bring his car out here didn't I? flinging it down — where is he. Oscar? and through the door — where is he! the phone trembling in her own hands now stabbing out a number, her voice sunk to a deadly calm as she got on with — Carlos or José, one of them can drive it out here can't he? today? or tonight then? My God I mean, all right here are the directions, will you write them down?

— I'm making some tea when you're done, all right? and when she brought it in, — what are you so mad at Oscar for.

— Because he, just because I am! Where is he!

— How come you're blaming him then! He's just trying to help out isn't he? I mean we always leave the keys in the car here don't we? Is it his fault if somebody steals it?

— Because I, because he's driving me crazy Lily, everything is, those trucks out there now before it's even light when I come down and he's already in there with his bowl of cereal he hardly eats anything else, all he asked for last time I went shopping was peanut butter and another box of it, I try to talk to him I ask him if he wants tea or some toast and he just goes on shoveling it down and puts on his glasses reading the back of the cereal box till he finally asks me if there's any mail, I mean it's practically dawn and is there any mail! and back in the kitchen — have you seen his latest?

— No but wait a second, I forgot to…

— These tiny sea horses he sent away for roaming in and out of the windows of that idiotic castle in there the way he roams around the house here himself like some lost soul, I mean God only knows what he expects after this thing that came for him yesterday, did you see it? reaching behind the cereal box — from Saint Pancras School, Dear Professor Crease I thought they were inviting him to lecture on the…

— No but wait a second, there's a…

— I mean can you imagine? Your colleague, Doctor J Madhar Pai, has given your name as a reference on his application to join our faculty as Psychological Counselor and Senior Proctor for the Sixth Form. He would also supervise the School's athletic program, chapel attendance and any disciplinary…

— No but wait a second Christina there's a…

— qualities of moral fibre and leadership embracing traditional values, best embodied on the playing fields of Saint Pancras where emphasis is placed not on winning but rather on how you play the game, and we will appreciate your candid appraisal of his suitability in these capacities and for taking an active role in our lively academic community. Your comments will be held in the strictest I mean my God people will do anything, the very thought of Trish ending up on the lively playing fields of…

— No but listen Christina something came yesterday certified I put up here over the sink and forgot to…

— Well thank God. I mean I'd begun to think Bill Peyton expected me to sit here staring at that rotting amaryllis till the end of, throw it out will you? tearing open the envelope barely in her hands — it looks like the bowels of a, oh my God.

— But what…

— Just be still! She folded back a page, folded back another, — where is he.

— Oscar? He probably went back up to his old room on the top floor with his rock collection, he even slept up there last night did you know that? He was…

— Well call him! folding back each page more slowly than the last until she suddenly got up herself storming back up the hall to the foot of the stairs — Oscar! in a near collision there — sit down. Just be quiet and listen to this, will you sit down? doing so herself, getting her breath — that, that insufferable law clerk my God, a simple estate! He's whipped together the final accounting on Father's estate, I'll say he's whipped it together right across our naked backs, will you look at it? But she made no sign of giving it up, pausing again for breath which dwindled with the balance of the principal (assets listed on page 3 here below) totaling $5,649,500, less the following, in Federal tax, $2,065,000; in New York State tax (location of house only, less mortgage), $284,500; executor's fee, court costs, filing and attorneys' fees, $100,000; personal bequest, $500; leaving to the residual legatees in equal shares the amount of $3,199,500 —well my God Oscar why are you staring at me like a, can't you see what this means? It means the house. It means these treasury notes and deposit certificates and the cash and everything else all go for taxes and that drunken fool's executor's fee passing along what's left to his courthouse cronies because this house is the bulk of the estate, three point two million! This property assessed at three point two million and he's probably already drunk up every cent of the five hundred dollars he took out of it sitting down there on a hundred thousand as his executor's fee my God, a hundred thousand dollars for this? suddenly on her feet brandishing the papers — and what he's scribbled at the foot here just to be cute? over seizing the phone now, — puts him in mind of old Justice Holmes he says, left most of his estate to the U.S. Treasury I mean aren't we doing practically the same damn thing? punching out numbers — handing the IRS two million dollars with the veranda caving in and not a penny for paint or even fixing our driveway, hello? Yes, Bill Peyton please, if they expect us to keep a roof over our heads while they, who? Well who are you I, what? sputtering her own name — and who are you! Lenny what? Yes, yes tell him I got his lovely plant but when does he expect to send me the… I said when! and she stood tapping her foot till she hung it up with a choked out — thank you. Some flunky named Lenny telling me it's at the top of Bill Peyton's agenda coming out here in a day or two with some of Harry's papers he thinks we'd like to keep, I mean if he dares show his face without that insurance check in his hand I'll, I'm going to have a drink.