Ishmael Reed - Mumbo Jumbo

Yes, answer that one, Hinckle and Hubert echo the Guianese art critic.

Now surrounded by supporters, the Guianese art critic Hank Rolling continues.

You don’t have to answer nothing, LaBas. Herman. Me and my men will help you carry these culprits to the lock-up if you want.

No, we will prove to these people that the Book is real. Otherwise they won’t take us seriously. Herman replies, rejecting Buddy Jackson’s offer.

The Guianese stands with some of the other guests. He has his arms folded and is tapping his foot. That scornful, triumphant smile again.

Go get the Book, T!

T Malice goes out to the car and returns with a huge gleaming box covered with snakes and scorpions shaped of sparkling gems.

The ladies intake their breath at such a gorgeous display. On the top can be seen the Knights Templar seal; 2 Knights riding Beaseauh, the Templars’ piebald horse. T Malice places the box down in the center of the floor and removes the 1st box, an iron box, and the 2nd box, which is bronze and shines so that they have to turn the ceiling lights down. And within this box is a sycamore box and under the sycamore, ebony, and under this ivory, then silver and finally gold and then…empty!!

The desecraters Hinckle and Gould exchange smiles.

We will deliver these men anyway, PaPa LaBas says as he and Black Herman begin to push Hinckle Von Hampton and Gould toward the door.

This is illegal, you can’t remove these men on the basis of such flimsy evidence, the Guianese protests, attempting to place his body between Gould, Vampton and their captors.

Buddy Jackson removes a blackjack from his back pocket and slugs the art critic, who sinks to the floor.

Just as LaBas and Herman and their assistants, the 6 unidentified men, and T Malice reach the door, it opens and in walk some proletariat Black women and their little children. The little children point to Hubert “Safecracker” Gould, author of a children’s anthology, 1-time carpetbagger, now “radical education expert” and former charter member of the Knights Templar known by this esteemed body as “the Caucasian blackamoor.”

That’s him, that’s the man, mommy, a pigtailed little girl cries, pointing out Hubert “Safecracker” Gould. He took our homework and hung around the school playground, taking down everything we said on a recorder.

The mamas rush across the room and commence bamming Hubert “Safecracker” Gould all about the arms and legs with their umbrellas.

No! Wait, sisters! Black Herman cautions, let us have him before you jump on him, we’ll take care of the child molester, be assured. Someone may call upon your children to give accounts of his deeds, but for now we’ll take care of him.

Black Herman, one of the mothers warns, wagging her finger in his face, you’d better do something with this man or else it’s going to be me and you.

Gratified that they will receive justice, the women leave the house.

Black Herman and LaBas leave with their captives but just before exiting the “Queen of Ubangi’s home” LaBas turns and gazes once again at this gathering which illuminated the florescence of the 20s like sapphire does, a stone sometimes confused with lapis lazuli, turquoise, and hyacinth but good as protection against spirits which would do us harm; the stone that steadies our nerves and wards off the Evil Eye.

Guarded by 3 men in each car, LaBas’ Locomobile and Herman’s President Straight 8, the party heads for Manhattan.

You’ll never make this stick. Biff Musclewhite is in Europe but he will return and he will release us from you so-called, would-be detectives, Vampton threatens, smiles confidently.

LaBas doesn’t pay heed to the prisoner he is carrying. When T Malice reaches 125th St. in Harlem the Locomobile turns right then downtown and another right toward a deserted pier.

Hey where are you going? The Tombs is downtown!

Well, as you said. LaBas answered, we’re jacklegged detectives and don’t have a license from New York authorities, but we have jurisdiction in Haiti though. We are delivering you to Other Authorities.

But…I don’t understand?

You’ll understand.

They reach the street of the deserted pier. It is midnight, blood on the moon.

What’s the meaning of this? Hinckle says as he is shoved out of the car. Black Herman and the others are removing Hubert “Safecracker” Gould from the President Straight 8. By this time he has been so harassed he is rumpled like a Harpo Marx caricature.

The men push the prisoners up the ramp of The Black Plume and into the stateroom. Benoit Battraville enters.

He feigns surprise. What have I done to deserve such a visit by such distinguished guests?

I’ll sue…I have connections. Why this ship is docked here illegally…you’d better let us go, I know plenty of people on high, Hinckle says.

Just a minute Hinckle, Benoit replies. We are going to take you on a little excursion.

Black Herman and LaBas, having delivered their promises, turn to leave.

There are some little children; Hubert “Safecracker” Gould solicited some manuscripts of theirs. If you want them to give evidence they will be glad to testify, LaBas offers.

Very good, Herman and LaBas. Thank you for your cooperation but I don’t think that we will need them.

LaBas pauses. You know Jes Grew is waning. What do you think happened, Benoit?

I know but I can’t say. I don’t think that we Haitians should intervene in your internal affairs. You will find out, figure it out for yourself, all that we can do is provide you with a base, being closer to Africa than yourselves.

The 3 men shake hands.

Well goodbye, Herman, LaBas, I wish you much success and luck. Remember to serve your own loas.

1 thing, LaBas asks. You said there was 1 more co-conspirator in town. How are you going to deal with him?

Ti Bouton is going to take care of him personally. A rare command performance by the master.

Hearing the protests of Hubert Gould and Hinckle, the 2 men leave the ship.

Why I’ll…I’ll take this all the way to the Supreme Court, Hinckle protests.

Yeah, me too, Hinckle, the Knight agrees with his Grand Master.

LaBas and Herman walk toward their cars.

I guess I won’t be seeing you for a year or so, LaBas.

Where are you on your way to?

Some Indian priests want me to recover a jewel missing from the great Buddha’s forehead. A Seek-Out job which should keep me busy for the next few months.

Call when you return.

Will do, Black Herman says, climbing into his car and driving away.

LaBas and T Malice head toward the Mumbo Jumbo Kathedral.

What do you suppose went wrong?

I don’t know, T, we should have opened the trunk which contained the Book but we were so excited we didn’t. Foolish.

When they reach Mumbo Jumbo Kathedral and start to enter they are accosted by a beggar, a white-haired, ragged beggar. The little Black man looks as if he hadn’t bathed in months, his clothes are in tatters, the buttons on his shabby overcoat missing. He looks as if he bore the pain of the ages in his eyes.

Gentlemen, please help a fellow down on his luck. Please!

Poor fellow, LaBas says reaching in his pocket for a quarter. What happened to you?

I am 29 but I don’t look it. I said the words that night when we turned the Plantation Club upside down. I said the words and she vanished into thin air hehehehheheheheheheheheheeh. Into thin air, do you hear? She just went away. Flew away like a delicate, beautiful white bird. A WHITE BIRD, DO YOU HEAR? the man cries, clutching LaBas by the lapels.

Please my friend. Here is a quarter. Go buy yourself some warm soup.

O thank you sir, the man says hobbling off in the direction of a restaurant.