Ma Jian - The Dark Road

KEYWORDS: dimpled smile, green and shiny, pear blossoms, Bridge of Helplessness, memory cards, lotuses.

IN THE SOMBRE dark before dawn, Kongzi holds his torch in one hand and supports Meili with the other as they walk to the far edge of town along a channel choked with waste. This used to be a free-flowing river. The tethering posts once used by ferry boats can still be seen along the banks. The stone path is thickly littered with discarded rubbish. A few green fronds poke out from between smashed printer cartridges and scraps of burnt fibreglass, signalling the arrival of spring. Last night, Meili said she must give birth on a boat because if Heaven were to be born on the land it would share the same sad fate as Happiness. Before they left, she placed a pair of scissors inside the plastic bag that contains baby clothes, towels and muslin cloths and the digital camera she’s been saving for this day.

‘If we go any further we’ll reach the sea,’ Kongzi says. The large sack swung over his shoulder is stuffed with pillows, blankets and plastic sheets. A passage he read from Nannan’s diary last night flashes into his mind: ‘Daddy slept with a prostitute. I pulled the quilt over my head and cried. After Mummy ran off in a temper, Daddy gave me ten yuan and told me to go and buy him some cigarettes. The horrible beast! I can never love him again…’

‘No, the sea’s still far away, beyond that distant line of trees,’ Meili says. ‘But look down there, Kongzi! It’s our boat! It must be. I can hear the ducks quacking. I can even smell their rotten eggs.’ The truth is, Meili can’t see the sea. The sky is still too dark, and besides, the unfinished buildings in the mid-distance block out most of the view.

Rejected scrap from the workshops of Heaven is brought to this stretch of the river and incinerated on the banks, as it’s considered far enough away from the township’s residential area. The camphor and coconut trees along the side of the path are coated in a black ash, and emit a smell that reminds Kongzi of burnt gunpowder. He looks down at the wreck Meili is pointing to, and remembers coming across their boat somewhere else, but can’t remember where.

‘Are you sure you’ve gone into labour?’ he asks.

‘Yes, my belly is definitely tightening,’ Meili replies. ‘Very soon, we’ll be able to meet little Heaven. Let’s go down and climb onto our boat. It may not be sturdy enough to take us out to sea, but at least it can shelter me while I give birth to our child. The boat is on the water, and the water is moving. No family planning officers would dare come to this wretched place. I will give birth to Heaven, for the sake of our lost Happiness. Weiwei couldn’t find his mother. We can’t find Nannan. This is what fate has decreed. But after one child disappears, another will arrive. Oh, Golden Flower Mother, I haven’t exceeded my quota. My only child will be a legal citizen, and will be granted a residence permit when we return home. So I beg you, make sure that it arrives safely into the world today.’

Kongzi helps Meili descend the garbage-strewn bank and tells her to sit down while he gets the boat ready. The wreck is half in the water and half out, its bow resting on water reeds and a heap of mobile-phone batteries. The planks wobble and creak as he steps aboard. He climbs carefully into the cabin, spreads the plastic sheets over the deck and lays out the pillows and blankets. Then he treads onto a pile of crushed transformers on the bank, pulls a tarpaulin off a mound of ash and wedges it under the bow to stabilise the deck. ‘It’s ready now,’ he says. Meili steps aboard and crawls into the cabin. She pulls off her trousers, lies down on the blankets, places a pillow between her thighs and stares out at the dark blue sky. ‘When it gets a little lighter, I’ll be able to see straight up into Heaven,’ she says with a smile. ‘Will you shift the boat round a little, Kongzi, so that the baby will come out facing north, towards its rightful place of birth? All that’s missing now is the date tree in the yard.’

‘The stern is rotten. If I try to move it, the whole boat will fall apart.’ Kongzi’s face is perspiring heavily and his legs are caked in mud and ash. He closes his eyes and sees another page from Nannan’s diary: ‘I have felt happiness a few times, but it has always been tinged with sadness. My parents think I’m just a naughty child. I don’t think much of myself either. Mum hates me. I hate Dad — I wish I wasn’t his daughter…’

‘Do you remember the first day we spent on this boat?’ Meili says, kicking off her sandals and brushing the flies from her face.

‘Yes, you felt so seasick that night, you vomited all over yourself, and Nannan vomited in her sleep.’

‘The first time I stepped aboard, I fell flat on my back.’ Meili rubs the rotting plank beneath her and remembers Nannan kneeling down in the cabin and using the stern deck as a table on which to draw pictures or write stories. ‘That night, you said that now that we had our own boat, I could give birth to a whole brood of little Kongs. Well, it’s time for this one to be born. I drank two bottles of castor oil yesterday to induce labour, so whether Heaven wants to or not, it’s coming out today. Look, my belly’s contracting again.’

‘I didn’t ask for a brood. All I wanted was for you to be able to give birth safely to little Happiness.’ Kongzi tramples over broken memory cards to remove some rotten planks from the stern. The floating detritus covering the river is perfectly still. Only a few small patches of water are visible.

‘The contractions are getting stronger. Can you find something to wedge under my back?’ Meili turns onto her side and moves her legs about, trying to find a comfortable position. The two metal rings of the scissor handles poke out from the plastic bag beside her. ‘I can feel the head pressing against my cervix. I must start pushing.’ Remembering the yoga she learned in the prenatal classes, she breathes deeply into the base of her lungs and exhales softly through pursed lips. Sweat seeps from her skin. She unbuttons her white shirt, gets onto her hands and knees and lets out a strange gravelly moan: ‘ Oh, Mother, Mother… ’ Kongzi has never heard such a noise before. It sounds like a funeral lament flowing out from the depths of her womb. ‘ Oh, Mother, Mother… Silkworms that produce silk in spring die before summer arrives. A candle’s flame extinguishes when the wick shrivels to ash. Pear blossoms are washed to the ground by rain, and form rivers of tears. Oh, Mother, you have moved into the darkness and left me in the light. Death lies between us. You stand on the Bridge of Helplessness and stare out into the emptiness beyond…’

‘Why are you singing a funeral song? Aren’t there any birth songs you could sing?’ Kongzi says. He sits down on a dusty patch of grass further up the bank and takes out his phone to check the time.

‘The songs give me strength,’ Meili shouts, panting loudly. ‘ Oh, Mother…! ’ Her rippling howl makes the wreck, the water and the riverbed shake. ‘ You toiled so hard, caring for your children, with never a thought for yourself… Happiness, Waterborn, Heaven: you can come out now! Don’t be afraid. I will protect you, and make sure none of you go missing. Once you’re born, we can all sail home. Help me push, Kongzi. Let’s get all these little Kongs out of me. Oh, Mother, you have vanished now, never to return. How I wish I could follow you into the Dark Realm, and care for you as a dutiful daughter should… ’

Kongzi crouches outside the cabin and stares at the black hole between Meili’s legs. Flies crawling over her pale thighs kick their hind legs and take flight.