William Vollmann - Whores for Gloria

Dinah

Once I went to jail and I got gang-banged, said Dinah brightly. Then she laughed. No, I'm lying. I'm lying.

Virtue is its own reward

Thanks girls, said Jimmy. Here's a ten dollar tip for you and for you.

Home again

Well Jimmy said Pearl you look all tired out. It's pretty late, too. What you been doing with yourself?

Oh I was out looking for Gloria again, he said, I met two friends of hers that had some information, so maybe if I think it all through I'll get a break. Was there any mail for me?

Let me see, said Pearl. There was something. Oh yes here's your disability check.

Jimmy went upstairs and locked the door. He took Gloria's hair out of the matchbox and kissed it. He lay down on the bed with his eyes closed.

Gloria

Jimmy did not want to think about the Green River Killer who had scared Dinah because that would scare Gloria, too, who was so innocent that on the train ride she kept saying I see a green river out there I see a green ocean! when what she saw was the greenness of Louisiana that rolled from horizon to horizon with nothing in sight but a mangy dog, Melissa's dog, that kept limping beside the train and howling as if it knew someone and Gloria said why is he sad? and Jimmy said he's just playing a game he's just chasing us for fun and as soon as we get there he'll be there too and his master will be waiting for him with a big bowl of dogfood; and then they got to Gloria's grandmother's house and in the guestroom Gloria said what do you see? and Jimmy said I see a bed and a lamp and a dresser and Gloria said now turn out the lamp and we'll sit here and pretend we're watching movies all by ourselves now what movie are you watching? and Jimmy closed his eyes and saw a man trying to strangle Dinah and Dinah sobbing and struggling and pulling her knife out and stabbing the man deep in the chest so that his blood sprayed into her eyes and he came at her clutching at her to kill her laughing and bleeding and saying I am the Green River Killer and Dinah stabbed him again and again and he pushed her through the window and Gloria said why aren't you saying anything Jimmy why do you look so strange what movie do you see? and Jimmy said I see a movie about someone who likes people to walk on his face but that's because he's made out of grass and he likes how happy their toes are when they go barefoot and he likes it when the rain falls on his face so he can grow taller and greener, and Gloria said that's a good movie and Jimmy said what do you see? and Gloria said I don't know it's all stories and oh look here's grandmother's kaleidoscope now see how the pretty things keep getting changed into something else.

Gloria

So when Jimmy was little he used to watch Gloria's mother painting Gloria's nails holding Gloria's hand over the bureau and buffing her nails with the sandpaper stick and saying Gloria, Gloria you've been biting your nails again and Jimmy said no ma'am it's from holding onto all those rocks at the creek and Gloria's mother said well whatever and she took the bright red nail polish that looked like candy (although the polish remover smelled better) and began painting Gloria's nails again so carefully and Gloria said I can see my face in my fingernails so little and reddish-pink and Jimmy would say paint my nails too and Gloria said yeah Mommy paint Jimmy too! and Jimmy would cry and cry until Gloria's mother painted his nails too but she would call him silly and say Jimmy you're a boy not a girl and so after a while Jimmy didn't ask to have his nails painted anymore. In the summer Gloria and her friend Shawna used to play in the rubber wading pool in the backyard and they would stay in there for hours pretending to be mermaids and calling each other mermaid names like Pearl and Crystal and Jimmy was jealous but Gloria said no you can't be a mermaid and Jimmy said aw why not and Shawna said he can get in too I don't care but Gloria said no he can't because you have to be a girl to be a mermaid and anyhow we don't have a third mermaid name to call him, so Jimmy had to run through the sprinkler and watch the rainbows in the arches of water that curved up into the air like silver ribs and they sprayed down on the newly cut grass that was so wet and made the bottoms of his feet green and Gloria laughed and said look at Jimmy running and Shawna said Jimmy can run so fast can't he Pearl and Gloria said yes so fast Crystal and Jimmy was still a little cross but later Gloria said I want you to be a boy not a girl and anyway I like you best of all. — Jimmy knew that that was true because she spent even more time with him than with Shawna and would never take Shawna or anyone else to her and Jimmy's secret place that was down the steep path through the trees behind his house that led down through the raspberries and to the creek where they once saw an otter and another time a skinny black dog skulking along the ridge and following them all the way to the cliffs of clay so that Gloria was scared and said do you think it's a wolf do you think it eats people? and Jimmy said naw it's just a German shepherd without a home and Gloria held his hand and they made more clay people until Gloria turned sixteen and started spending more time with Shawna because Jimmy she said Shawna and I have girl-secrets and Jimmy was jealous of the two mermaids again but he didn't say anything and he watched how Shawna started teaching Gloria how to dress and how to walk and how to hold herself and how to keep her hand on the doorhandle when she got into a car with a stranger and overnight Gloria became even more beautiful as he had to admit and all the boys kept calling her but she said I only go out with Jimmy and the boys said Jimmy you prince are you porking her? and Jimmy said you bet I am every night but actually they'd never done it yet. One night Gloria got back late from band practice and she and Jimmy were supposed to go out to the movies and Gloria said gosh Jimmy I'm so sorry to keep you waiting give me fifteen minutes I'll be right back I promise and Jimmy sat on the porch drinking a soda and watching the stars and humming gol -den times, gol -den times and nodding at the ghosts that leaned against houses and picket fences waiting with him as Gloria ducked under the fence into Shawna's back yard with new clothes under her arm, the price tags still on, and Jimmy saw the light go on in Shawna's bedroom and Jimmy said to the ghosts bet you want to date her too don't you, you assholes? until in fifteen minutes exactly Shawna and Gloria came over together laughing and Jimmy could not believe how beautiful Shawna had made Gloria so fast with a bow in her hair and a polka-dot dress and little red slippers and her eyes were snapping with pride and the two girls looked at the way Jimmy looked at Gloria and Shawna laughed and Gloria blushed and Shawna said well goodbye and Gloria hugged her and Shawna went home. That night he said Gloria Gloria you can do anything you want to me you can write a contract for my life or whatever because you know I'd die for you Gloria you're so perfect I'd even drink your piss and Gloria said Jimmy you don't have to talk that way aren't I going out with you? can't you see that I feel the same about you?

Later that night they had their first fight when Jimmy walked Gloria home and when he was almost at her house he started kissing her and kissing her and then he said Gloria I want to make love to you so bad and Gloria said I'm not ready I can't come to you yet until I remember everything and Jimmy said please Gloria do you love me or don't you? aren't I buying memories for you? then Gloria slapped his face and said how can you talk to me that way when you know that I do love you Jimmy and Jimmy said I'm sorry and Gloria said let me go this instant and don't say another word to me and she went inside slamming the door and Jimmy knew that she was crying. The next day he was forgetful at work and the boss said are you sick and Jimmy said sort of and the next day the boss said Jimmy pull yourself together and the next day the boss said Jimmy, I'll give you two choices: quit or get fired and the next day Jimmy knocked on the door and Gloria half-opened it and said well Jimmy what do you have to say to me and Jimmy said I'm sorry Gloria and she said I'm sorry I overreacted and she said come in and we'll talk about it and she said kiss me and she said come in here and close the door and now really kiss me.