William Vollmann: Whores for Gloria

Although buying Dinah's hair had been an escalation of sorts, Jimmy had no intention of taking Code Six's advice literally, buying whores' dirty panties and kissing them (although when a whore talked he thought this is what Gloria would have said, and suddenly he was all attention; when a whore stripped he thought Gloria would have had underpants like this, and then he had to pay for them), of buying whores' dresses and high heels and garter belts, wigs and bras and socks and similar items each representing some woman's physical character like notes of music, which are no less pure, distinct, unique for not meaning anything (as long as the panties that were to become Gloria's smelled like some particular cunt it did not matter which because that was now Gloria's cunt; the only important thing after that was consistent obedience to precedent); certainly he never wanted to go farther like Jack the Ripper and hack off parts of whores' bodies to take home with him, as if through some combination of hubris and sincerity he could construct, however momentarily, his own charnel-Gloria like some Frankenstein's monster lying in his bed and listening for him with black girls' and white girls' ears in its patchwork face and grinning for him with Cecily's teeth and Dinah's teeth and Phyllis's teeth and licking its grey quilt of lips with Melissa's pickled tongue. No, if he'd done that people might have asked about her, although Jimmy was certainly ready to explain if anyone did ask which no one did that Gloria was going through some changes right now so she never did anything in fact she hardly ever talked and if Jimmy went to the bars Gloria would stay home in bed or else she would wait across the street in one of the abandoned cars; whenever she saw Jimmy with other people she hid. But these apologetics would have been embarrassing. Besides, they were unnecessary. Whenever Jimmy needed the smell of a woman or the soft weight of a woman's embrace, why, he had the whores being themselves for Gloria who partook of them all and lived on them all like some sky-goddess feasting upon the smoke from sacrifices. As for the rest of what he needed, the airy loveliness and happiness, he had that always with him; it floated at his arm like a helium balloon; no one could see it or ask about it or take it from him. So, having the hair, he really only needed the memories. Jimmy sat alone in his room, drinking tequila until his lips went numb. That's right honey babe (he said to Gloria) I have you I'm not lying I never lied to you I haven't told the truth for so long now that I've given up lying.

Jimmy and Code Six strolled into the Black Rose a week later, on a Saturday afternoon when things were just starting to perk up and some lovely transvestites were dancing on the stage beside the pay bathroom and all the girls made a face when Code Six walked by and they wrinkled their noses and fanned the air away from themselves in a most ladylike way and said Jesus girl he stinks and Code Six went to the bathroom and reached for a dime to unlock the door but saw that his pocket was empty so he stood waiting until a man came out and then said well thanks , pal; I guess I came at the right time, and the man didn't say anything but Code Six caught the door before it closed and went inside and took a long piss as he read the competing slogans on the condom dispensers. — Sure is a nice day, Code Six said to the urinals. I never thought James would take me around again. But he don't care no matter how bad I smell; a friend sticks by a friend. — Meanwhile Jimmy was at the bar passing the time by asking Cecily if she had seen Puerto Rican Phyllis whom he had first met that night before he flatbacked Nicole; but Cecily was cool to Jimmy for some reason and did not prove informative; when Code Six came out of the bathroom it became clear by the way Cecily held her nose that he was the reason so Jimmy quickly said open me up a Budweiser would ya Cess but Cecily said is he drinking too? and Jimmy looked down at the floor and said I don't know (knowing perfectly well that Code Six was not because Code Six did not waste his money in bars) and Cecily said if he's not drinking he can't stay, and Jimmy said well cancel the beer I guess we'll just have to leave then; and he strode about the bar in the most earnest possible way until his eyes rewarded him with a view of Phyllis sitting in the corner, twirling and twirling the straw in her pink lady. Then suddenly he realized that he had not just been passing the time. When are you coming? he said inside himself. Will this one make you come sooner? You know ever since Nicole I never stopped thinking about you.

So you don't want me to drink with you? said Code Six.

No, it's not that, said Jimmy. But I have to find her.

You found her, looks like. Sure are staring at her.

You know who I mean.

Well what the hell did you drag me out of my turf for? I thought you said you wanted my company.

I didn't think it through, said Jimmy steadily.

Code Six smiled. Don't think about it, he said. It's what you need to do. Well, uh, full auto fire, huh?

I'll come find you later, said Jimmy. Here's a buck for wine and thanks for everything.

Keep your fucking buck, said Code Six. What do you think I am, a charity case? You're the charity case.

Phyllis

Phyllis said yeah, what do you want? and Jimmy said are you working? and Phyllis said oh and Phyllis said oh and Phyllis said oh, honey I could make you so happy and she put Jimmy's hand on her breast and made him knead it and Jimmy said nice stuff Phyllis, really nice and then they went outside.

In the windowpanes of bars all around the blue neon Budweiser signs, reflections made cool jungles in which blurs pursued blurs.

After Jimmy zipped his fly back up Phyllis got to her feet and Jimmy said I have more money Phyllis if you come and meet a friend of mine, and Phyllis said how much and Jimmy said twenty and Phyllis said forty and Jimmy said thirty and Phyllis said anything, for you.

Dinah and Phyllis

Dinah leaned up against the wall on one leg, smiling and wearing mirror sunglasses (sunglasses make the world quieter and safer, as if you are viewing things behind smoked windows fronting your skull-house: you are inside and the world is outside, and the world cannot see into you; mirror sunglasses double the armor), and she wore a man's crewneck shirt to show her chest off and her legs were bare and her hair glowed around her like a corona. Her tits were goose-pimpled with the cold. She wore shell earrings that swung with her hair like satellite moons. She stood and waited until she saw a police car coming; then she walked slowly away in the center of the broad broad sidewalk, wiggling her ass while an old man sat on two steps watching her and smoking a cigarette.

That's her, said Jimmy.

Phyllis said how much is she getting and Jimmy said forty and Phyllis said then give me forty and Jimmy said anything for you.

Hey Dinah said Jimmy I want you to meet my friend Phyllis, and Dinah and Phyllis looked at each other, and Dinah said to Jimmy well what's up babe oh now I remember you you're the one that cut my hair well it grew back so do you want another date?

I do said Jimmy and I remember you because you're so beautiful Dinah I'm telling you I'll never forget the first afternoon I saw you when you were at that fire hydrant in front of the Nitecap with your head so straight and proud and you looked so fine and your thighs were so soft and not too thin not too fat and the street was reflected in your mirror sunglasses but curving away crazily.

The way you flatter me, laughed Dinah.

I mean it, said Jimmy, and Phyllis is just as beautiful as you, so let's all three go up to your place and relax .