Pierre Frei - Berlin - A Novel

'Is that what you really believe?' he asked, his voice filled with pity.

An oversight in the personnel department worked to Helga's advantage. 'Heil Hitler,' the man at the registration desk greeted her. He wore a Party badge. 'Matron rang through. Let's see. It was in 1929 you left? We should still have your file. Yes, here we are — Nurse Helga Rinke from Zehlendorf, correct? Given your blonde German looks, we won't need a certificate of Aryan origin. Have any of your particulars changed? Surname, address?' Helga said no, and two days later went to the hospital to collect an identity card with a photograph, made out in her maiden name.

The summons from Klein Moorbach took a little longer. Eugen Klemm had to invent a story for Dr Urban. 'Helga Rinke is an outstanding paediatric nurse. She would certainly be useful to you at Klein Moorbach. Young and very pretty. We know each other a little — privately, if you see what I mean. Unfortunately she's been getting rather possessive. I wouldn't like my wife to be involved. In fact I'd be grateful for your help, Dr Urban, if you understand me.'

Urban did understand him. One grey Tuesday in November, Helga was standing outside the wrought-iron gates of Klein Moorbach hospital. A German shepherd dog barked inside the porter's lodge and a man with a peaked cap appeared. 'Nurse Helga Rinke. I'm expected.'

'Got a pass?'

She showed her ID, and was let in. The gates closed behind her with an ugly screech. Gravel crunched under her feet as she approached the yellowbrick building, with its barred windows.

'You've had experience in nursing children at the Charite?' Dr Ralf Urban was an elegant man in his mid-forties, and wore his tailor-made white coat buttoned high to the neck like an officer's tunic.

'Yes, sir. Dr Sauerbruch had me nursing post-operative cases in particular.'

'Surgeon General Sauerbruch,' he corrected her.

'He was a wonderful boss.'

'My colleague Klemm thinks highly of you, Nurse Helga. As you know, our little patients are not normal children. They are mentally and physically damaged.' Urban pressed a bell. 'Nurse Doris is leaving us today. She'll show you your room and take you to your ward.'

'May I ask why Nurse Doris is leaving, sir?'

The woman entering the room had heard her question. 'Because I've volunteered for a field hospital at the Front. Our brave boys there need me more than the worthless creatures in this place.' Nurse Doris was a strong young woman with nut-brown hair which she had wound around her head under her cap. She wore the Reich Sports badge on her blouse.

'Show Nurse Helga round and give her the key,' Dr Urban told her.

'Yes, sir.' Doris took Helga's arm.

'One more question, sir.'

'Yes?' Urban looked the young woman up and down.

Helga had been thinking of a way to get Karl's joyful greeting over without witnesses. 'I'd like to see my new charges on my own the first time I meet them, to make sure I establish my authority from the start.'

'What do you think, Nurse Doris?'

'Not a bad idea, sir. Then Sister Helga can show the little beasts who's in charge straight away.'

'Very well, then.' Urban immersed himself in some papers.

Nurse Doris marched ahead, leading her over the gravel of the forecourt to the side wing where the nursing staff had its accommodation. The firstfloor room was bright and welcoming, with a small bathroom and a view of the autumnal park. Helga put her case down. 'Student Nurse Evi has the room next to yours,' Doris told her. A willing young thing, but not his type.' She was relishing her words. 'You'd be more to his taste. Urban sometimes has his quirky little wishes. If you want my advice, don't be prudish. He can easily make life difficult for you.'

'Speaking from experience?' Helga couldn't help but ask.

'I'm not his sort either. I'll take you to the children's ward. Here's your key — it fits every door in the building. You must keep it on its chain and lock everything behind you. We have some very dangerous inmates here. Never forget that. And as for your own patients — well, I advise you to keep the little horrors immobilized.'

Helga wasn't listening. Karl, she thought. little Karl. Mama will soon be with you.

A steel door separated the accommodation wing from the main building. Sister Doris unlocked it, and they entered a corridor. Men in dingy grey hospital clothing shuffled slowly past, without a glimmer of comprehension in their pale faces. Two hefty male orderlies were dragging along a patient in a straitjacket who was screaming his head off. Helga forced herself not to show her dismay.

A barred door at the end of the corridor led into the stairwell. 'The children's ward is one floor higher up. I'll leave you to it now.' Doris locked the barred door behind her. Heart thudding. Helga climbed the stairs. She came to another barred door and then a long passage. Children's voices told her which way to go.

A white door with a window at the top of it, also barred. She put her key in the lock and opened it. A dreadful stench met her. 'My God.' she said, her voice toneless. Two rows of beds were lined up in military order, with children of various ages lying in them, their hands and feet tied to the bedsteads with muslin bandages. She counted twenty boys and girls at different stages of infantile dementia. Some of them looked childlike and almost normal, others showed clear symptoms of their malady, one was a bad case of hydrocephalus. They all had bedpans pushed under them and were lying in their own excrement. She could hear Doris saying, 'Keep the little horrors immobilized.'

She found her son in the last bed. His once twinkling eyes were dull, his face bloated. He didn't recognize her. She untied him and helped him up. 'Karl,' she murmured, kissing his vacant face. 'Everything will be all right now, Karl.' She hugged him tight, with a whole year of desperate struggle in her embrace. He did not react.

There was soft weeping beside her. The girl in the next bed was about twelve or thirteen. She was pretty in an odd way, and looked normal at first glance. Helga untied her. The child crept under the grubby bedclothes, her knees drawn up. 'Don't be afraid, I won't hurt you. Can you tell me your name?'

'Lisa,' said a faint voice from beneath the covers.

'Excellent, Lisa. And I'm Nurse Helga. Did you hear that, children?' she called. 'I'm Nurse Helga, but you can all call me Mama. All together now: Ma-ma.'

'Ma-ma, Ma-ma,' they babbled, until their voices came together in unison. 'Ma-ma!'

'Mama, Mama,' Karl suddenly said thickly, putting his hands out to her. He knew who she was. She hugged her son, wanting never to let go of him again, and let her tears flow freely.

Then she pulled herself together. 'Lisa, is there a bathroom here? And lavatories?' The girl climbed out of bed and pointed to a door at the back of the ward. Beyond it was a sparkling clean, white-tiled bathroom with a big tub and several showers. Next door were a lavatory and a large sink. 'Looks as if these aren't often used.'

Lisa shook her head. 'Nurse Doris wouldn't let us.'

'Well, we're going to change that.' Helga turned on one of the showers. There was plenty of hot water. 'Get undressed, get under the shower and have a good wash.' Lisa happily obeyed. Her pretty little figure was already beginning to develop. It was only if you looked closely that you could see the signs of her disturbance, which was obviously mild. There were piles of bedlinen and clean hospital clothing in a big built-in cupboard. Beaming, Lisa dressed herself again.

Karl came next. Helga soaped him down, her gestures expressing infinite love. She rubbed him dry, helped him into pyjamas and a dressing gown, and combed his wet hair. 'We'll cut that later,' she said. 'Go and strip your bed. You help him, Lisa. We'll make up all the beds with clean sheets. Now for the next child.' Helga was about to untie the bonds of a boy of about six, whose face showed signs of advanced dementia, but Lisa put a hand on her arm. 'No, don't,' she said softly. 'Hans will run wild and hurt himself.'