A. Homes - May We Be Forgiven

There’s a woman in the battery aisle with something hidden in a pillowcase that she’s desperately trying to work with. I don’t mean to stare, but I do. I watch, mesmerized, as she keeps dipping her hands into the pillowcase and trying to do something.

“So what’s in the bag? Bunny need a battery?”

She looks at me. “Is it that obvious?”

I shrug. “No.”

She hands me the pillowcase, and I peek inside. It’s an enormous pink dildo with a nut sack filled with ball bearings and oddly long rabbit ears.

“It just ground to a halt,” she says. “Go ahead, push the button.”

I do, and it spins a half-circle and sounds like a car that won’t turn over, like a starter not kicking in. “Maybe it got burned out,” I say.

“Ha-ha,” she says.

“Seriously, the problem may be more than the battery,” I say. I take the pillowcase from her, and discreetly working inside the bag, I get the battery compartment open, slide four cells in, and— voilà —the bunny is good to go. I turn it on and from the outside watch it spinning and dancing. “She’s a real disco bunny,” I say, handing the pillowcase back to the woman.

“It bends too,” the woman says. “You can change the angle and also the vibration.”

“Great,” I say. Inside the pillowcase the bunny is still dancing; from all the writhing and flip-flopping, it almost looks like there’s a snake in there.

“FYI, this never happened,” she says. “Like, if I ever see you again, I don’t know you.”

“Likewise,” I say, leaving her in the battery aisle and going to the home-intrusion section. I find a do-it-yourself alarm system that can be “trained.” I buy one, even though I’m not quite sure what that means. It turns out by “trained” they mean “programmed to speak.” You can elect for your unit to say, “BURGLAR, BURGLAR” or “TRESPASSER, LEAVE NOW” in a loud voice, or produce a loud piercing alarm, or record a message of your own, like a whiny voice saying, “Honey, I got the restraining order for a reason. …”

I put my bag in the car and go to the Chinese restaurant. They are starting to know me.

“You want same, you want different?” they ask.

“Same,” I say.

“You a lonely man,” the waiter says, bringing me my cup of soup.

Back at George’s, I feed and walk the dog, and then I plug in the timers, setting the lamps in Nate’s and Ashley’s rooms to turn on at half past six in the evening and off at ten o’clock. The rooms are neat, empty, like rooms from a catalogue rather than rooms that are lived in. I think of children’s rooms as overstuffed monuments to experience, collections that define their lives so far: a rock from a beach, a pennant from a game, a souvenir hat from a family trip. Here it’s all been edited down to what fits neatly on a shelf. Everything is fixed, as though life has been suspended or otherwise delayed. The stillness leaves me depressed. I think of Nixon and his note keeping, Nixon and his endless legal pads, his tapes, his extensive and alas incriminating library of recordings. I think of Richard M. Nixon, named after Richard the Lionheart, son of King Henry II, brave soldier and lyricist, and realize that I don’t know enough about Nixon and his relationship to stuff. I make a mental note to revisit the subject.

I go back downstairs and phone the children at school. “Is this an okay time to talk?” I ask Nate.

“Yeah,” Nate says.

“I’m not interrupting study hall or football practice?”

“It’s okay,” Nate says.

“Ummm,” I say. “So I just wanted to say hi and see how you’re doing.”

“Okay,” he says.

“You’re doing okay — that’s great,” I say.

“I’m not doing anything,” he says, and then there is a pause. “Except that she doesn’t call, except that it’s all too quiet, I keep forgetting that Mom is dead, and I kind of like it that way. It’s better when I forget; better with her not dead. When I remember I feel sick.”

“I can imagine,” I say, and then pause. “When did your parents usually call? Was there a set schedule, once or twice a week?”

“Mom called every night before dinner, between five-forty-five and five-fifty-five. I don’t remember Dad calling.”

“It must be very strange,” I say, and pause again. “Tessie is getting along well. I take her for walks — I kind of get the sense no one ever did, she doesn’t like to leave the yard, but once I get her past the end of the driveway she’s okay.”

“There’s an invisible fence,” Nate says.

“Must be — she’s very well trained. Only goes out of the yard if I pull on her. Like I have to fight her to leave.”

“That’s because the fence gives her a shock.”

“What fence?”

“The invisible fucking fence,” Nate says.

“An invisible fence is a real thing?”

Nate sighs, painfully. “There’s a small box on the dog’s collar, that’s the transmitter; if you take her out of the yard, take that off; otherwise she gets a shock. Even if you go out in the car with her, you have to take the box off.”

I look at the dog’s collar; the box is there, totally obvious.

Nate continues, “There’s a bigger box mounted on the wall in the laundry room, next to the burglar alarm, that controls the invisible fence — the instructions for everything are in the drawer under the microwave.”

“It’s amazing that you know all that.”

“I’m not retarded, I’ve lived in that house my whole life.”

“There’s a burglar alarm? I just bought a home security system.”

“We hardly use it, because once it went off and scared everyone too much.”

I fish through my pocket for the hardware-store receipt. “Is there a code or something you need to know to turn the system on and off?”

“It’s all in the book,” Nate says. “Read the book.”

“All right, then,” I say.

“I better go,” Nate says.

And I make a mental note to call again soon, like tomorrow at five-forty-five.

Ashley can’t talk. That’s what her roommate says. She’s in the school infirmary

with strep throat. I call the nurse.

“Why didn’t the school call me?” I demand to know.

“Who are you?” the nurse asks.

“I’m the uncle,” I say, incredulous.

“We don’t call uncles, we call parents.”

“Well,” I say, preparing to deliver an earful, “clearly you’re a page or two behind. …”

And with that the cat hocks up a hairball, and I simply say to the nurse that I will call again tomorrow expecting to speak with Ashley, and that for now she should give Ashley my love.

“Are you on the call list?” she asks, but I am already hanging up.

I almost vomit cleaning up the hairball. Both the dog and cat look at me rather pathetically as I’m down on my knees scrubbing the carpet with seltzer and a sponge.

When I’m finished, I go into Jane’s Amazon account and send Ashley some books. It’s super-easy: Jane made a list of gifts in the computer. I pick a couple and click “send to Ashley.” I spring for the extra bucks for gift wrap. “Feel Better Soon,” I type. “Lots of Love, Tessie (Your Dog) And Your Cat, aka The Hairballer.”

A little while later, the sharp clink of the mail slot catches Tessie off guard. She barks frantically as another note slides onto the floor.

“Tomorrow will come.”

“Yes,” I say to Tessie, “tomorrow will come, and I should be prepared.” My cell phone rings, startling me. “Hello?”

“Is this the brother of George Silver?”

“Who’s this?” I ask.

“Dr. Rosenblatt calling from The Lodge,” he says, pronouncing “The

Lodge” like it’s supposed to mean something special, like the words themselves are encoded.