Jesse Ball - Silence Once Begun

INT.

You were talking about that last visit, about how they took your things away? The tape is recording now.

JIRO

I tried to bring him a little music box I had found. It was stupid, the music box, not the idea. I think it was a good idea, to bring it, only it didn’t work out. They took it away.

INT.

What did the music box play?

JIRO

Well, it sounds really stupid, but you have to know — Sotatsu loved Miles Davis, especially this one record, Cookin’ with the Miles Davis Quintet .

INT.

But surely there’s no music box that plays Miles Davis …

JIRO

Well, maybe there is now. I don’t know about that. Then there wasn’t, not really. But this one, it was a little box with a mirror inside and when you opened it, it played “My Funny Valentine,” which is from that record. It was very expensive, this music box. It cost me almost a week’s salary. But, I thought, if it can cheer Sotatsu up just a little, then …

INT.

You tried to bring it into the prison, even though you knew such things weren’t usually allowed?

JIRO

I did.

INT.

And they took it away. What did they do with it?

JIRO

I imagine some guard gave it to somebody as a present. I never saw it again.

INT.

And you got into trouble over it, too.

JIRO

They took me into a room and some guy yelled at me for about half an hour. I was very apologetic. Usually, back then, I was, well, hot-tempered. I had a short temper. But, in this case, I just wanted to make sure I could get in to see him. I had taken the bus; I had walked very far. I was there at the prison. If they had made me go home, it would have been pretty bad.

INT.

But they let you in?

JIRO

They did, and it was very lucky that they did. Because that was the last time I saw him.

INT.

Can you describe that visit?

JIRO

Well, they walked me in the same way as before, as on all the other visits. I had to sign in, had to be fingerprinted. They would sometimes check the fingerprints against the others they had made of my hands. Once, the guard made a mistake and he got the wrong fingerprints out, so they thought I was some kind of impostor. But that got solved. It was the same boss guard who fixed that situation, and who yelled at me but let me go in anyway this last time. I guess he must have felt bad about the first mix-up. He didn’t seem like a bad guy.

[ Int. note . Here, Jiro’s daughter ran up. She asked if we were working on the book. I didn’t know that the children knew what it was we were doing. I assume that Jiro’s wife must have told them. I said that we were doing some work, maybe it would go in the book. She said that she hoped it would do what it was supposed to do, in the end. I asked her what that was. She looked at her father and said that what it was supposed to do was to make a whole bunch of people feel really bad about what happened. She said they didn’t feel bad enough and now it has been a long time and they have forgotten, and that it should make them remember about how they should be still feeling bad. I said that, sure, that was part of it. Jiro laughed, a sort of half-hollow, half-full laugh. He told her to run along and she did.]

INT.

So, then you were brought to the cell?

JIRO

Yes. It was a strange thing to visit him in jail. You get the impression that you are returning to the same moment. I’m not sure how to say it. It’s as though you went away and time continued, but for the person there, it stopped. For them it has only been a moment since you left. He was there, in the same clothes, in the same position. The same light came from the bulbs. The same pallet was laid there in the same way. I had an eerie feeling about it. At the same time, I was overwhelmed, each time I saw him, with a feeling of relief, that he was still there, that nothing more had been done to him. I approached the door, the window was slid open. Sotatsu looked over, saw me, and came to the door. He had a very odd way at that time, a very odd way of holding his mouth. I think it was because he had stopped talking. Maybe if people didn’t use their mouths for talking anymore, this is the way they would all hold their mouths.

INT.

Was it open?

JIRO

A little bit open, on one side. I don’t remember which.

INT.

And you stood there, looking at him, the routine you two had developed?

JIRO

We did. But only for a short time. Then the guard came and asked me to leave. He didn’t give a reason. I think someone else was coming in, but I don’t know why. It seemed like they were clearing me away, clearing out the area. Maybe they had just gotten the news that his day was coming, and so they wanted everything straightened out. I don’t know.

INT.

That was the last time you saw him.

JIRO

I remember the haircut he had, it had been done badly, so a part of his head wasn’t completely shaved. When I see him in my head, that’s the Sotatsu I see. But he is standing in a street.

INT.

When you picture him, you picture him in a prison outfit, with his head shaved, but he is outdoors?

JIRO

He is in a street, and he has the box I was going to give him. But it isn’t open, it isn’t playing. It’s just closed there in his hand.

[ Int. note . That night, after our return, I had gone to my room to sleep, but I was still up, looking at some notes I had taken. After a while, there came a tapping on my door. I opened it, and it was Jiro. He came in and admitted that he had not told me the truth that day, or not all of it. I asked him what it was that he had held back. He told me that on the final visit, something different had happened. I asked him what it was that was different, and why he had held it back. He said it was something he hadn’t shared with anyone, and so it wasn’t clear to him whether he would share it with me or not, up until this evening. I asked him how that visit, that last visit, how it had gone differently. He said Sotatsu had given him two letters that he had written. He said he had those, and asked if I wanted to see them. I said, yes. I said, I didn’t realize that he was allowed to write things. Jiro said that it seemed some of the prisoners were allowed that, and it seemed Sotatsu was one of them. He gave me a paper box with a little clasp on one side. I told him I would be very careful looking at them. He went to the door but stood watching me. I asked him if he wanted these documents to be kept out of the book. He didn’t say anything, but stood there. Finally he said he wanted the book to be complete. He didn’t want anything left out of it. That is why he changed his mind and brought the letters. I thanked him and he went off, leaving me to open the box.]

[The document (sides one and two) will follow this page.]

Holograph Will of Oda Sotatsu. My belongings described below should be given to my family members in the following manner .

BOOKS, perhaps a dozen, on table by window __ to my sister .

my CLOTHING, old pants, new pants, shirts, socks, and others __ burned .

my FURNITURE __ given away .

my KITCHEN contents, pots, knife, etc. _ to my mother .

my RECORDS, RECORD PLAYER, _ to my brother .

my DRAWINGS, JOURNAL __ burned .

my WORM SHOVEL, FISHING POLE, TACKLE __ to my father .

my BICYCLE __ to my brother .

my SCARF __ to my sister .

my BIRD STATUES _ to my mother .

ANYTHING ELSE _ burn or give away .