John Barth - The Sot-Weed Factor

On being led into the house of this Powhatan, my feares multiply'd, for I sweare he was the evillest-appearing wight I hope to incounter. He seem'd neare sixtie; the browne fleshe of him was dry'd and bewrinkl'd as is the skinne of an apple left overlong in the sunne, and the looke upon his face as sower, as w dbe such an apple to the tongue. I sawe in that face no favour. . His eyes, more then any thing, held me, for despite a certaine hardnesse in them, like old flint, what mark'd them most, so it seem'd to me, was an antick lecherie, such as one remarketh in the eyes of profligates and other dissolute old persons. My C apt, I might say, hath the beginning of such eyes, and at sixtie, it pleaseth me to think, will quite resemble this Powhatan.

The Emperours surroundings, moreover, did beare out my judgement: in addition to his bodie-guard, a goodlie number of Salvage wenches potter'd about the roome, drest like Ladie Eve, only flaunting a bitt of animal-skinne over that part, w chthe Mother of us all was wont to disguise with a peece of foliage. This one fetch'd her Lord a portion of tobacco; that one lean'd over him to light his pipe with a brand; this one rubb'd his backe with the grease of beare, or some such malodourous decoction. . and one & all he rewarded with a smart tweake, or like pleasantries, the w ch, at his advanc'd age, s hdrightlie have been to him no more than a fond memorie. These the wenches forebore without compleynt. . in sooth they seem'd to vye for the ancient satyrs attentions, and perform'd there simple duties with all possible voluptuousnesse, as if therebye to rowse there King to acts more fitting a man my age, then a dotard his. . My C aptobserv'd these maids with wondrous interest, and I sawe in his eye more attention, then w dhave been requir'd simplie to transfer the scene to his trumpeting Historie. For my selfe, I was too occupy'd with the mere holding of my water, w chbusiness is chore enough in such a fearsome pass, to care what charmes the heathenish slutts offered there Emperour, or with what lewd behaviour he reply'd. .

. .I must mention here, that Powhatan was seated on a sort of rais'd bedstead, and on the floor before him sat a reallie striking Salvage maid, of perhaps sixteen yeares, who from the richnesse of her costume and the deference pay'd her by the other Salvages, I took to be the Queene. Throughout the banquet that follow'd our entrie into the house, this young ladie scarce took her eyes from us, and though unlike my C apt, I am a man not given to fooling him selfe as regards his comeliness to the faire sex, I can only say, in sooth, that what was in her eyes exceeded that naturall curiositie, w chone might show on first beholding fair-skinn'd men. Powhatan, I thinke, observ'd this, for his face grew ever more sower as the meale progress'd. For this reason, I avoided the Queenes gaze assiduouslie, so as not farther to prejudice our state. My C apt, for his part. . return'd her amourous glances with glances of his owne, of such unmistakeable import, that had I been the Emperour I had struck him dead forthwith. My poore heart trembl'd for the safetie of my head. .

[A description followeth of the feast serv'd the two prisoners. It is a Gargantuan affair, but the Author is unable to keep a morsel on his stomach. Smith, on the contrary, gorgeth himself very like a swine in the slaughterhouse.}

My C apt. . took it on him selfe then to make a small speech, the gist of w ch(for I, too, comprehended somewhat of the heathen gibberish) was, that he had brought with him a singular gifte for the Emperour, but that, unluckilie, it had been remov'd from his person by the Emperours lieutenant (that same infamous Opecancanough, who was the death of our companions earlier). Powhatan forthwith commanded Opecancanough thither, and bade him produce the gifte, if he had it. Albeit he was loath to part with it, Opecancanough flsh'd out the wicked compasse before describ'd, and gave it to his Chief, who thereupon caus'd his lieutenant to be birch'd, for that he had intercepted it. This was, certain, a grosse injustice, inasmuch as Opecancanough had had no knowledge that the compasse was meant for Powhatan, as neither had my C apt, what time to save his skinne he had given the vile machine to Opecancanough. Notwithstanding w ch, the Salvage was deliver'd out the room, for birching, and I sawe no future good therein for us. .

Next my C apt, to my great astonishment, commenc'd to shew to Powhatan the secrets of the compasse, directing its little lenses at the fyre to light the shamefull scenes within. I was certaine our end was at hand, and ready'd my selfe to dye as befitteth a Gentleman, for surelie no man, not even a Salvage, who hath the qualities to raise him selfe to the post of Prince, even over a nation of benighted heathen, c dbut be disgusted by such spectacles, as now lay illumin'd to the Emperours eyes. For the thousandth time, I curs'd my C aptfor a black & arrant fool.

Yet here I reckon'd without the degeneracie of the Salvage, whose bestiall fancie ever delighteth in vilest things. So far from taking umbrage, Powhatan had like to split his lecherous sides on beholding the little painting; he slapt his knees, and slaver'd copiouslie over his wrinkl'd lipps. A long time pass'd ere he c dremove his eye from the foul peep-hole, and then only to peer therein againe, and againe, each time hollowing with glee.

At length my C aptmade it knowne, the Queene, as well, s hdreceive a gifte. At this pronouncement, I clos'd my eyes and made my peace with God, for knowing sufficient by this time of the nature of my C aptsgiftes, and sensing farther the jealousie of the Emperour, I expected momentlie to feel the tomahawke at my neck. The Queene, however, seemed greatlie pleas'd at the prospect. As I might have guess'd, my C apthad reserv'd for her the most impressive gifte of alle. He drew from his inexhaustible pocket a smalle booke of sorts, constructed of a number of little pages bound fast at there tops (this miracle too I had seene at Jamestowne). On everie page a drawing was, of the sort one w dbe loath to shew ones wife, each drawing alter'd only by a little from his neighbour, and the whole in a kind of sequence, so that, s hdone grasp the lewd booke by the top, and bending it slightlie, allowe the pages to spring rapidlie each after each before the eye, the result was, that the figures thereon assum'd the semblance of life, in that they mov'd to & fro about there sinfull businesse.

Alas! The Queene, it grew cleare, was deprav'd as was her consort. Over & over againe, once having learnt the virtue of the small booke, she set the actors therein to moving, each time laughing alowd at what she sawe. .

[More food is serv'd, and a sort of Indian liquor, both of w chSmith takes unto himself in quantity. The Author declines, for the same reasons as before. The Queene appoints herself to wait on Smith personally, laving his hands and fetching bunches of wild-turkey feathers wherewith to dry them.]

The while this second feasting was in progresse, I contriv'd to screwe up sufficient courage to observe Powhatan, hoping to reade in his face prognostication of what was to followe. What I sawe did not refresh my spirits. . The Emperour never took his gaze from the Queene, who in turn, never remov'd hers from my C apt, with everie indecent promise in her eyes. She was on everie side of him at once, fetching this & carrying that, all her movements exaggerated, and none befitting any save a Drury Lane vestall. My C apt, whether through his characteristick ignorance, or, what is more likelie, in pursuit of some twisted designe of his owne, reply'd to her coquetries in kind. None of this escap'd the Emperour, who, it seem'd to me, was scarce able to put away his gluttonous repast, for watching them. When then this Powhatan summon'd to his couch three of his evillest-appearing lieutenants, all coal'd & oyl'd & bedaub'd & betassel'd & bedizen'd, and commenc'd with them a long colloquy of heathen grunts & whisperings, the purport whereof was unequivocall, I once againe commended my soule to Gods mercie, for I look'd to met him shortlie face to face. My C aptpay'd no heede, but went on blindlie with his sport.