James Kelman - A Chancer

The meter bowl contained four 10 pence coins. Tammas had dropped in a couple of quid’s worth less than a week since.

He got up from the settee and peered inside again. Then he withdrew three of them and quickly grabbed his jerkin, put on his shoes, and went straight out. He walked into town to a snooker hall he occasionally played in with Billy. It was situated between a pub and a betting shop, down below street level. Before entering he laid a 20 pence bet up in the bookie’s.

The hall was mobbed. Every table occupied and a queue of more than twenty guys for a game. An attendant watched him come in the swing doors; he walked to the cashier’s desk and had his name added to the list.

It’ll be maybe an hour and a half till you get on, she said to him.

Ach well. . he shrugged. He remained for more than an hour, spectating at different games. As he turned to leave he said to the guy next to him: You got a spare fag at all?

The guy brought out a packet and gave him one.

Ta.

The guy made no response.

Upstairs in the bookmaker’s he strolled to the board with the results. His bet had lost. He stared at the results for some time. Then he walked home and thoroughly searched the house, finding a tiny amount of halfpences inside a vase on top of the living room mantelpiece.

He lay outstretched on the settee then got up and went to the bedroom and setting the alarm for 5 o’clock he got undressed and into bed. But he leaned over to the clock and pressed in the alarm stopper a moment later.

•••

He was standing at the bar with the half pint of beer when in walked Phil, the elderly man who did occasional work in the betting shop down the road. They exchanged nods. He glanced at the half pint and gestured at it to the barman. Pint of the same for the boy there, he said.

Right you are Phil.

Tammas smiled. Cheers. How’s it going?

Ah no bad no bad. Yourself?

Eh, struggling, struggling.

Aye. . I thought I saw steam coming out of your beer!

Tammas waited for the barman to serve the drinks before saying, Results are murder!

Results are always murder. You should know that by now. I heard you were getting a turn these days but?

That was last week! They build it out of all proportion anyway.

Phil nodded. He was drinking whisky and a pony of beer; he called for another whisky, swallowed what had been left of his first one. He said. Aye son you’re best to say nothing. Never tell a soul. Nothing. The best way.

Aye.

Phil drank the second whisky, followed it with the remainder of his beer, set the glasses firmly on the counter beside each other. I’m away, he said, before the crowd shows up.

Thanks for the pint.

Phil frowned and raised his right forefinger to across his lips: Ssshh. Then he reached out to shake hands with Tammas, and left two £1 notes inside his palm. Mind now, he said. Say nothing.

Thanks Phil.

He had moved to a table near the darts’ area when John and Billy arrived. Donnie came at their back, pausing to collect the dominoes and the board from behind the bar. Me and you, he said to Tammas. Eh? Will we take them on?

And sitting down he upturned the box onto the board, the dominoes coming tumbling out. He began shuffling them with both hands spread widely, his elbows sticking up in the air. And he said to John: So it’s Manchester eh!

Aye what’s this we’ve been hearing? asked Billy.

Nothing, I’m just considering it.

Tammas glanced at him: I never heard.

That’s no surprising, replied Billy. We never fucking see you!

Nah, went on John, I’m just fucking fed up with it here. A guy in work was telling me the nightlife’s brilliant down there. And the money as well, it’s supposed to be brilliant too. Big big wages he says.

Great — when you going!

Soon, dont fucking worry.

Look John if Manchester’s as good as all that then how come that cunt in your work isnt down there right fucking now I mean. .? Eh! that’s what I like about these bastards, tell you all sorts of rubbish!

He spent years in Manchester.

Well what did he come fucking back for?

I dont know, a change I think — he’s married.

He’s married! What the fuck’s that got to do with it? Billy laughed.

Aw shut up.

Tammas said, Aye come on, give the boy a break. Let’s play dominoes.

Billy was last to lift his six pieces: He turned to Tammas: That big 20/1 shot winner man did you see it? This afternoon? This wee fellow, comes stoating into the shop the back of 2 o’clock. .

Less speech play! called Donnie.

I’m telling the boy something.

I’m no interested anyway. The last thing I want to hear about’s big fucking 20/1 winners!

Billy grinned.

Aye, said John, come on.

When Billy placed his first domino on the board Donnie jeered: Hey Tammas that’s us won. Look what the daft cunt’s played!

Ah fuck off, replied Billy. Me and my mate’ll win this no danger, no danger — eh John?

Load of shite, said Tammas. Easy money Donnie easy money!

John frowned. Here, nobody says we were playing for money!

Aw Christ. . Donnie laid his dominoes face down on the board, he clutched his forehead. Where am I? Hey Tammas, where are we? I could’ve swore we were sitting in Simpson’s !

All I’m saying is if you’re going to play for money you want to tell people first, no wait till you’re halfway through the bloody game.

Billy grinned. Dont worry John, we’re certainties anyway.

Aye but that’s no the point. I mean I’m no caring one way or the other. I just like to know what’s happening.

Aw John. . Donnie put his hand back onto his forehead again. I’ve had a hard day — eh? going to fucking give us a bit of peace? Eh? Please?

Aye but all I’m saying. .

Shut your fucking mouth!

John looked at him.

Donnie smiled in reply.

When he entered the close he paused to position himself in the middle of the way, then continued, walking in a straight line. Going up the stairs he canoned off the wall and halted, steadied himself.

Margaret came from the living room. You wanting a sandwich?

Aye. Hh. . he smiled at her, carried on down to the bathroom. After urinating he filled the washhand basin and dunked his head in it twice, the second time keeping it submerged for a count of ten seconds.

A slice of square sausage was sizzling in the frying pan, the kettle of water almost boiling. Margaret had put it on for him. He got a slice of bread from the bin, spread the margarine on.

In the front room Robert was on his armchair and Margaret was on the settee. Tammas closed the door, carried his tea and the teaplate to sit down next to her. He had the sandwich in his mouth and he bit a big chunk off before taking it out. Anything good been on? he asked.

Earlier. A play, quite good — wasnt it Bob?

Robert did not respond. He had the newspaper on his lap.

Tammas moved his head a little and grinned, covering his face with his hand.

Margaret said, Did you go to the job centre?

No, I was a bit late.

Late?

Aye, I was a bit late. Hell of a long walk.

You’re a lazy bugger!

Robert grunted something.

Tammas paused before saying: I’ll go the morrow, I’ll be fine the morrow. Aye, different story then, get the giro and that, be able to take a bus.

Okay! Robert had swivelled round on his seat to gaze at him. What is it? If you’ve got something to say say it!

Tammas sniffed. I’ve no got anything to say.

Bloody liar — he tried to tap me for a pound on Tuesday morning Margaret. You were wondering what was up with me, mind? Right? That’s what was up with me. He tried to tap me for a pound and I wasnt having any. That’s it Tammas eh!