James Kelman - A Chancer

Lying auld bastard, said Billy.

I’m no lying son; the worst hand I’ve seen for twenty years — tell you something but, we’ll still fuck yous! Eh McCann?

Shut up and play your doms.

Aw give us peace ya crabbit swine ye!

Billy said to Tammas: Just let them fight among themselves.

Tammas smiled. He had been studying his own dominoes. He laid them on the table and ripped open the cellophane on the new cigarette packet, offered it about. Then the game continued. Towards the close McCann put the two pieces he had left on the edge of the table. He waited a moment before saying, That’s me finito, no fucking point.

You have to play it out, said Tammas.

McCann was staring at Auld Roper: How come you cut the fives? A simple question, there you are. I mean you must’ve fucking known I was holding the double. You must’ve, surely?

Auld Roper drank beer.

A simple question, come on.

Auld Roper looked roundabout and began to whistle quietly between closed teeth, then he studied his own dominos. And Billy said to McCann: You’ve got to finish the game.

I’m giving yous it, I’m surrendering.

Surrendering fuck all! shouted Auld Roper. There’s two of us here! Just play your doms like a man. Come on!

I’m chapping ya fucking pest.

Chapping? Hh. Might’ve known, it’s all you’ve done all morning.

Tammas was next in line and he played a domino, followed by the elderly man then Billy. Back to McCann who banged the board with his fist, causing several pieces to jump out of order. Chapping, he said.

You’ve no even looked, muttered his partner.

I dont have to fucking look, I know what I’ve fucking got.

Ach! Auld Roper shook his head and he threw his dominoes onto the table. I’m no fucking playing!

McCann laughed.

Aye, that’s all you’re good for. You’re a joke ya cunt. First granny I’ve suffered in years and it just had to be with you.

Ho, listen to that! McCann glanced at the other two. The trouble with this auld cunt is he’s fucking senile.

Billy had turned their dominoes face up and he said: Yous were beat anyhow. . He started shuffling them.

Aye, said Tammas, tapping a finger on the edge of the table. And we’re still waiting for our ten pence.

Ten pence! What d’you mean ten pence? That game was a bogey. Pub rules son, if a game doesnt get finished all bets are cancelled. Eh McCann?

Aye, course. Tell you what but we’ll give yous a double or clear.

Aye, said Auld Roper, starting to shuffle the domino pieces. Twenty pence or clear. That’s just fair.

Cheating bastards, said Tammas. He leaned forwards and helped the other shuffle.

But Billy said: I better get going to my work — only half an hour to the 1st race. . He raised the beer to his mouth, glanced at Tammas. You coming with me or what?

Eh. . he shrugged, might as well. Naw, fuck it, on second thoughts.

Wise man, said Auld Roper.

Billy was nodding. He began swallowing down the beer, getting up off his seat.

I’ll see you the night, added Tammas.

•••

He was one of the last to enter the dressing room. He sat down immediately on the end of the bench, just inside from the door. Most of the team had been playing the other time he had come and a couple nodded to him. Donnie was injured and unable to play; but he was assisting the man in charge. The two of them arrived later, carrying in the big travelling bag between them. They distributed the jerseys, stockings and pants to each of the team. Tammas was thrown the number 2. The guy sitting next to him asked: You Donnie’s mate?

Aye.

Paul’s the name.

Tammas.

Tammas?

Aye. . he leaned down to take off his shoes and socks, leaving his cigarette balanced on the edge of the bench. Then dragging deeply on it he stubbed it out and undressed quickly. Members of the team were heading to the door now, laughing at something, the studs on their boots making skliffing sounds across the concrete floor. Somebody pushed the guy in front and he lurched forwards, and Tammas had to jerk sideways to avoid being struck into. One of the team cried: Foul, referee!

Right yous! The man in charge said, No wanting any blooming injuries before we get out onto the park!

The door banged open and shut and open and shut, rocking on its hinges.

Noisy bastards, muttered Paul.

Watch the language! called the man in charge. It’s Mathieson reffing!

A few groans in reply to this.

Tammas waited for Donnie. The two of them followed out the man and just before leaving the building he passed Donnie a cigarette and whispered: Half time. .

Donnie palmed it at once. Then he pointed to Tammas’s right boot. Its lace was trailing.

The wind was quite strong and he knelt on the gravel path. It had been raining earlier, a few puddles had gathered here and there. He knotted the laces and walked after Donnie. He had begun to shiver, and soon his teeth were chattering uncontrollably. He turned side on into the wind as he went, clenching the cuffs of each sleeve in his fists. There was a game of football in progress, the average player seemed about 14 years of age. He hunched his shoulders and folded his arms, watching the play while walking.

Donnie stopped to wait. You’re chittering!

Aye well it’s fucking freezing.

No that much man it’s nerves.

Is it fuck nerves.

Aye it is! Donnie grinned. Dont worry but — it’s supposed to be a good sign!

Fuck off.

Keep moving, get the blood going.

Tammas glared at him but he started trotting, keeping his arms folded, his shoulders still hunched up. When he reached the field they were due to play on he slowed to a walk, and he halted near the 18 yard line. The ball came towards him and he attempted a first time shot at goal but miskicked and it went bouncing off onto the neighbouring pitch. While it was being collected he turned his back to the others; he began jumping on the spot, fists clenched on the cuffs of each sleeve again; his teeth resumed chattering and he was making loud shivering sounds.

In the centre circle the referee now stood with a ball tucked beneath one elbow. The captains were with him, one calling the toss when the coin was flipped into the air. The other team won it and their captain chose ends, selecting the one opposite where the teams were now positioned; this meant each set of players having to walk down to the other half of the field. Tammas passed their number 11, he looked to be well over 6 feet tall and was very skinny, his socks seemed scarcely to reach above his ankles.

Soon the whistle was blown and the ball kicked off. One of the opposition lunged at it, booted it high into the air. The ball travelled right down and over the touchline for a goal kick. When it had been positioned the keeper turned his back to measure the run then he turned sharply and signalled to Tammas and kicked the ball to him. He raced in to trap it but was a yard short in meeting it, it canoned off his knee. He chased after it, just failing to stop it crossing the line for a throw in.

While one of the other team’s players gathered the ball Tammas looked for the number 11 and marked him. When the throw was taken the ball was shied to the tall fellow and he tried to flick it on as he turned but Tammas was right behind him and his studs caught in the guy’s sock, taking the foot from under him and he went crashing down, the ball returning out for another throw in. Tammas reached to help him up but he shook off his hand and muttered: That was fucking ridiculous.

I didnt mean it, replied Tammas.

The winger ignored him; he was rubbing the side of his back and shaking his head.

Tammas walked to his side, almost behind him completely, his hands on his hips and breathing quite harshly. The ball was shied in almost the same way as the last time but just as the winger trapped it Tammas stuck his boot between his feet and managed to deflect it out for a further throw in. The winger grunted unintelligibly; he strode down the park some 20 or so yards, keeping nearby the touchline. Tammas went after him. The winger stared away from him, keeping his gaze to the player shying the ball, then he signalled to him in some way Tammas was not able to see. And the ball arrived about 3 yards short. As the winger moved forwards to get it Tammas slid in from behind, upending him. The guy landed back the way, right on top of Tammas; he rolled off at once. Fucking hell, he cried, I wish you’d keep out the fucking road.