James Kelman - The Burn

Fin was looking at him.

I never fucking asked her ye know.

What?

I just I mean. . my mother and that. I shoulda come home more regular. Christ ye know I never even invited her for a holiday anywhere. The places I’ve stayed as well, some places Fin I mean abroad, beautiful, she never seen the likes of it man, no just Spain: Southern Italy, Portugal — I spent a wee bit of time in Portugal; good there, up north, I liked it. Fucking hell man I never invited her to any place. Probably she wouldni have went. But she mighta. I never asked her. I bet ye she woulda. I mean she was never outside Britain in her life. Never!

Fin nodded.

Derek raised the beer to his mouth. I coulda paid her way, he said, if I’d thought about it, I just never thought about it.

Ye dont. Ye never think about these things.

Naw I know.

Naybody does, no till it’s too late.

I know.

Unfortunately it’s typical.

Yeh.

Fin was watching him. It’s just the way it goes.

I know. Derek paused then smiled. I’m allowed to have regrets but eh? am I no?

Aye but I just mean ye’re bound to think of the things you coulda done, when ye had the chance — ye’re bound to.

Yeh.

It’s natural.

Derek nodded.

I know it doesni make it any easier. . Fin gazed at Derek and when he didni respond he said: Sorry.

Naw.

No exactly diplomatic but.

Fuck that. Derek sipped at the beer; he smiled suddenly. A thought crossed my mind there at the toilet, apropros of fuck all; I could be a father in two countries, three including Britain. I mean I’m no boasting it’s just. . interesting. He grinned: Wee Hannahs running about in foreign countries. Yeh! He glanced at Fin: Must be a good feeling being a father.

No all the time.

Sure.

Sometimes ye just dont feel able to cope. The wife’s pregnant again by the way.

Is that right?

Aye. It’s a pity ye didni have time to come round for a meal or something. Yous two’d get on ye know, I told her about ye.

Ye told her about me. .

Aye.

No everything?

Fin shrugged.

Well I’m definitely no going round now.

Dont be daft.

I’m being serious, it’s just an embarrassment. Derek shook his head. I wish ye hadni.

Sorry.

It doesni matter. He adjusted the position of his hat then took it off and laid it on the empty seat nearest him.

It was a while ago I told her. She just found it funny.

Yeh, the guy that stole the video equipment, it is funny, funny as fuck.

I’m sorry.

Naw.

Honest, I am.

It’s alright.

I shouldni have.

It’s no a problem.

Sorry.

It’s no a problem Fin it’s okay.

Big mouth.

Doesni matter.

It just came out I mean.

Yeh.

Sorry.

No bother.

Naw, I’m sorry.

It’s me, I’m sorry, fucking hell, I just over-react. It’s a daily occurrence.

I apologise anyway.

I apologise.

Fin chuckled.

Yeh. .! So what about Sammy? Ye seen him recently.

I haveni, naw.

Is he still around?

Far as I know. The gallery’s still going anyway.

Him and Isobel still the gether?

They are, aye. Time passes but some things stay the same. She had a show on no long ago, a one-woman. Quite well noticed.

Great.

It travelled.

Outside Scotland?

I think so.

She’s doing well then eh?

Seems to be.

Ah she was always strong but. She went her own way. I used to like her stuff. I used to like to see what she was doing. She could paint. She wasni feart at all. All these browns and burnt oranges, fucking purple! Derek grinned. Did ye see the show yerself?

I crept in, aye.

What did ye think?

Fin made a movement with his right hand.

Ye didni like it?

Eh. . half and half.

Derek nodded.

Some of it.

I wonder if it went to London?

I dont know.

Be nice if it did.

Wouldni be that big a deal.

Yeh well. .

I mean it depends on whereabouts; all these wee galleries they’ve got down there: New York’s the place, that’s where they’re all going — Berlin. London’s down the table. Second Division stuff. So I hear anyway. Mind you it could be the fucking moon for all I know.

Ho!

No kidding. I finished with that sorta shit years ago.

Yeh, well, so did I.

We’ll drink to it then. .! Fin had raised his pint tumbler. They clinked glasses. No surrender!

Fuck sake dont bring religion into it!

The two of them laughed.

Derek said, I was wondering whether to give him a bell?

Sammy?

Yeh.

Go ahead.

Derek gazed across at the bar, glanced at his watch. It was twenty to eight. What time do the pubs shut?

Midnight around here.

Mm.

Give him a phone if ye like.

Derek nodded.

Does he know ye’re in town?

Dont think so, naw.

D’ye no keep in touch?

The last time I saw him was that time with you.

Was it?

Christ Fin I dont keep in touch with anybody — I mean naybody, naybody at all. I dont fucking keep in touch with nay cunt. Derek grinned and shook his head, he lifted the hat from the chair. The original loner. . He smoothed down the brim of the hat. This musta been the old man’s, he said, I found it in a cupboard. I dont mind him ever wearing it though. Ye’d remember something like that eh! He peered inside and picked a hair out from its crown.

One of the three females from the table near the gents’ had gone to the bar. She was leaning her elbows there, propping her chin in the palms of her hands, one leg bent at the knee, classic pose. Derek and Fin both studied her. Fin smiled: Time for another round.

She’s nice eh?

She is.

She’s no the only one in here. Good pub.

Aye it’s no bad. Better than it used to be. It was a bit of a dive, mind?

I dont, to be honest.

Naybody went here except the fucking hardened drinkers. It was a man’s shop. Spit and sawdust. It’s changed owners a coupla times since. They’re aye trying to yuppify it. Without total success. So what about the lassie down in England then, been seeing her long?

Nearly six months. . Derek put the hat back on his head, tugged it down over his brow and folded his arms.

Is it a record?

Ah, fucking record.

Just the way ye said it!

I shoulda brought her with me. I didni ask her but. I seem to be doing everything wrong the now; I dont know what it is.

Ye go through these stages.

Yeh. Derek glanced at his watch. I was thinking about giving her a bell as well.

Ye should.

Ah she’ll probably no be in anyway man she’ll be out somewhere — gallivanting. He smiled, glancing at the watch again. Fucking gallivanting, soon as my back’s turned. He lifted the pint tumbler and studied it, then drank down the remainder of the beer, passing the empty to Fin who still had some to finish: Did ye no say ye were getting a round in?

I did aye. Fin frowned for a moment: I actually bumped into Sammy a few weeks back.

Did ye?

The Horseshoe Bar; we wereni talking, just hello and that. Fin swirled his remaining beer round the bottom of the glass.

Yous two still dont get on eh?

No really.

Yeh, well.

I find it hard to talk to him Derek, being honest, he’s so wrapped up in his own head. If ye’re no speaking about him ye’re no speaking, know what I mean, he never seems to hear ye.

Derek nodded.

He’s actually a bit of a prick, ye know. . Fin swallowed the rest of the beer.

Well he wasni always.

Fin placed the empty tumbler on the table: He is now.

Derek shrugged.

His patter, I canni be annoyed with it — it’s alright if ye’re twenty one but no thirty one. Gets fucking boring after a while.