Adam Levin - The Instructions

Miss Pinge said, “Benji, what did I just tell you?”

How long is too long? I said.

Benji never used sports metaphors, so I thought at first that he wasn’t serious about jumping the gun’s superiority to a latestart off the line — I thought it was just banter to throw Pinge off of Leevon. But then I thought how it was sound advice for a fight: It is surely better to strike before you’re sure you’re in a fight than to not strike til after the fight is on its way. Maybe kissing was like fighting. Lots of things were like fighting. Benji didn’t answer me.

“I wasn’t asking Gurion,” Benji said to Pinge. He jerked his head sideways again for my benefit. “I was asking you, Miss Pinge: Do you know why we’re here? Because those CASS’s say one thing, but why we’re here is another thing.”

I looked at Leevon, who showed me his palm ≠ “Stop,” but seemed to.

I squinted.

Leevon showed me his pointer ≠ “One,” but seemed to.

Stop one? I mouthed.

Leevon shook his head = “No.” He cut his hands through the air and showed me both palms and closed his eyes = “I’m starting over now.”

“The CASS’s say we’re here because we started wrestling each other on top of the teacher cluster,” Benji said to Pinge, “but that’s not really true.”

Vincie leaned forward and made his eyes poppy, faking big interest in Benji and Pinge while he formed the note tighter between his clasped hands. I wanted him to throw it. I wanted that note.

Once again, Leevon showed me his palm ≠ “Stop,” but seemed to.

Five? I mouthed.

Leevon lip-bit, nostril-flared, shrugged = “Kinda, but wait. Let me finish the message.”

“Botha wrote ‘wrestling,’ on those CASS’s,” said Benji, “like we’d just started wrestling, which would be a pretty hyper thing to do, but it was the exact opposite of that — we were totally in control. And plus we were only play-wrestling. And we were only play-wrestling because we heard Gurion had finally gotten to ISS and we wanted to come see him.”

Leevon made a fist and showed me his palm again, but this time with the thumb down = “Four.” Or “Kinda four.”

Floyd cleared his throat. “Any working estimation of the length of this meeting of the minds between Chief Brodsky and my man Ronny D?”

Pinge didn’t reply. She was listening to Benji.

Leevon made a fist, then he showed me three fingers = “Three.”

Five (kinda), four (kinda), three (kinda)… Countdown? A countdown?

Scoreboard? I mouthed.

Leevon nodded and smiled and stopped counting down.

But I knew about the scoreboard. Who cared about the scoreboard? I wanted that note.

At Leevon, I mouthed: I know. It is broken.

He shook his head and mouthed silent words ≠ “You know,” but seemed to.

I know, I mouthed. I know, I know!

Leevon mouthed, “You don’t know,” and I saw that what I thought had = “You know” had actually = “You don’t.”

What didn’t I know? I wanted to know.

He mouthed silent words that ≠ “Bet what didn’t,” but seemed to.

I squinted.

“Bet what didn’t!” Leevon didn’t really mouth again, but seemed to.

I wanted to punch him a little. I wanted to punch us all a little. More than that, though, I wanted to understand the message. And even more than that, I wanted the note.

Vincie wouldn’t look at me.

“Really, Miss Pinge. How long for the chief and Ronny D?” said Floyd. “Are they having a serious pow-wow? I don’t want to stand around here giving the impression I’m just standing around here is why I ask. Because I love this job.”

“I’m not sure how long, Floyd.”

Leevon seemed to mouth, “Bet what would didn’t,” but that could not have been what he was mouthing, and I knew that — it was nonsense.

I waved Leevon off because I didn’t want to want to hit him, and then I waved my legs around for Vincie’s attention. He pretended not to notice; Pinge was still facing him.

“See, before we started wrestling,” Benji was saying, “we told Botha to send us to the Office, and he wouldn’t, and so we told him we would have to force him to send us, and still he wouldn’t send us, so we play-wrestled each other on the teacher cluster. The teachers at the cluster scattered because it’s not their job to break up fights, even fake ones, and Botha — he tried to break it up, but we put each other in these diametrically opposed holds that stalemated us and made it hurt when he tried to separate us, and I told him that. I yelled it so everyone could hear. I said, ‘Mr. Botha, we are only playing, and if you keep pulling on my knee my ankle will dislocate between Vincie Portite’s forearms, and Leevon Ray’s throat will fall on my heel and he’ll flatten his trachea and go limp on impact. Vincie Portite will then drop nose-first onto the surface of the cluster and his septum will deviate.’ Finally someone yelled, ‘Lawsuit!’ and Botha backed off.”

“Sure,” Floyd said, “I mean being the guard of the Aptakisic side entrance ain’t exactly crowd control, but I see it as a kind of apprenticeship and I take pride in it, and the last thing I’d want to do is give you the impression I’m just standing around like a lazy guy who’s looking for any excuse in the book to not do his job.”

“Stand around all you want,” Miss Pinge said to Floyd.

“Are you even paying attention to me, Miss Pinge?” said Nakamook.

“I’m paying attention! Jeez,” she said.

“It seems like you’re paying attention to Floyd.”

“I’m paying attention to far too many people at once, Benji, but you’re one of them, okay?” she said.

I know what you mean, I said to Miss Pinge.

“Oh meow meow meow, Miss Pinge, my friends got in trouble just to come see me and now I’m complaining,” Benji said.

Baby, I said.

“You. Must. Not. Talk. During. I. S. S.,” Pinge said.

“I’m not the one who’s your baby, baby,” said Benji. “June Watermark’s your baby and you should kiss her before she starts hating you and you should be quiet because you’re in ISS and I’m talking to Miss Pinge.”

I haven’t even seen her since yesterday, I said.

“Then she probably won’t hold it against you,” said Pinge. “Benji is yanking your chain.”

Are you just saying that to be nice? I said. I said, Because it’s something I would say just to be nice, if I thought Gurion’s cause was lost.

“You’re sweet,” she said.

So you are just saying it to be nice, I said.

“No more talking, Gurion,” Miss Pinge said. She said, “Finish your story, Benji.”

“Something blah blah Ronny D,” said Floyd.

“Bet what would didn’t,” Leevon didn’t but seemed to.

Vincie wouldn’t look at me.

“We were in the stalemate hold, the three of us,” said Benji, “and I told Botha to write up the CASS’s and the passes and put them in my mouth to ensure that he didn’t destroy them while we were busy getting out of the stalemate, and he did exactly what I told him, and I clamped them between my teeth, and then the three of us let go of each other, and Botha unlocked the Cage and sent us down here, but the CASS’s don’t say anything about that is what I’m trying to tell you. They don’t say, ‘I, Monitor Botha, am sending these students to the Office for wrestling because I refused to send them to the Office for not wrestling ,’ and they don’t say, ‘I, Monitor Botha, when given the choice between seeing students under my watch do mock violence, and seeing students under my watch do no violence, chose the first option.’ All those CASS’s say is ‘wrestling.’”

“So Mr. Botha is a liar because the CASS’s say ‘wrestling,’” Miss Pinge said.