John Barth - Giles Goat-Boy

mother-naked…

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: Isn't she a dear?

MAILMAN: … and also swinging from the chandelier.

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: At her age! Pass her heart, she's full of juice,

that girl!

MAILMAN: No more, my friend: she'd made a noose

out of her gown and hanged herself, and there

she swang: pop-eyed, purple-faced, and bare.

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: A pity! Now our plump and placid wives

will be the only women in our lives.

MAILMAN: Too bad for you; you're in the wrong profession.

Anyhow, I'd gone up for a session

of playing Post Office, not to see

a naked female corpse. It seems to me

the woman could have waited till tonight,

when I was gone.

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: It sure was impolite

of her.

MAILMAN: You said it. But, that's how it goes.

In any case, I forgot to close

the bedroom door, and as I stood there swearing

and ogling her, young Taliped comes tearing

in. He yelled and hollered; I said, "Hi

there, Taliped," but he never did reply.

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: Another rude one. Cadmus seems to be

a little short on hospitality.

MAILMAN: That's right. Anyhow, he grabbed a knife

from somewhere and cut down his black-faced wife — -

/ mean his black-faced mother…

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: Let it go;

we get the general picture.

MAILMAN: And you know

what he did then?

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: I hope he wasn't rude

to you.

MAILMAN: Judge for yourself. There lay his nude

old lady, with the gown around her chin;

he tore off his diamond-studded fraternity pin

and also his old man's — - she wore them both,

you know — - then he let go an awful oath…

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: He's good at that.

MAILMAN: He said, "A flunking curse

upon that pair or breasts I used to nurse

and later played with in a different wise;

the breasts that wore these pins! Flunk the eyes,

your sun-blind husband's eyes, these too-bright wretches,

that blindly saw them!" He undid the catches

then, and poked his eyes out.

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: "Too-bright sun"!

He should have stabbed himself for such a pun.

MAILMAN: I just report the news; I'm not a critic.

The Dean's blind.

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: Like our hermaphroditic

Seer Emeritus, who foresaw this mess!

What's Taliped up to now?

MAILMAN: You'll never guess:

he wants to make a general exhibition,

to staff and students, of his low condition

before he flunks himself.

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: We can't have that.

What would the Trustees say? But he can chat

with us awhile, I guess, before he goes.

It helps to talk things over. I suppose

this is the poor chap coming now. Ugh!

[Enter TALIPED

TALIPED: Yes,

ifs me, friends.

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN:I.

TALIPED: It's I, and I confess

I'm right bad off.

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: You are that, Dean. It makes

me somewhat ill to see you.

TALIPED: My heart breaks

for you. I was so handsome in Act One,

and now look.

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN:Ech.

TALIPED: It's bad, huh?

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: If you're done,

sir, we'll be seeing you.

TALIPED: I'm not done yet.

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: I thought perhaps you were.

TALIPED: I wish you'd let

me speak my piece; it's my catastrophe.

Gee whiz, it hurts to know as much as me!

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: As much as — -

TALIPED: Never mind! I'd like to choke

that shepherd-type who saved my life.

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: The bloke

did no one any good, that's a fact.

If I were you, I wouldn't end this act

a blind old beggar: death would be much nicer,

I believe.

TALIPED: I don't need your advice, sir.

Suicide has never been my cup

of tea, and it would mess the symbols up.

Excuse me now; I have some things to curse.

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: Well, all right; go ahead.

TALIPED: I'll take a verse

or two to flunk that ditch called Dean's Ravine

because I didn't die there; then I mean

to flunk old Isthmus College and the chap

who raised me as his son. I'll take a slap

at Three-Tined Fork, and when I've flunked it I'll

curse marriage and love-making for a while,

since they're what made me what I am today.

Ten minutes ought to do the whole curse.

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: Say,

I guess we'll have to take a rain-check on it;

here comes your brother-in-law.

TALIPED: That clown! Doggoneit,

he's got no right to steal my biggest scene!

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: Be careful what you say; he's Acting Dean

these days, you know.

TALIPED: Oh boy. [Enter BROTHER-IN-LAW

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN:[TO BROTHER-IN-LAW] Good evening, sir!

Nice to see you!

BROTHER-IN-LAW: Sure it is. You were

always glad to see me, I recall.

But never mind. Come on and help me haul

this eyeless bastard out of here before he

tells some news-reporter the whole story.

He never can leave well enough alone;

he's always showing off.

TALIPED: Gee whiz!

BROTHER-IN-LAW:[TO TALIPED]

Don't groan

for pity now, you sonofabitch. You had

it coming.

TALIPED: Lay off, Uncle; I'm in sad

enough condition. Look, why not expel

me from the place?

BROTHER-IN-LAW: I'll let the Proph-prof tell

me what to do, not you. I wish I'd thrown

you out nine years ago.

TALIPED: Me too. Alone,

I'll wander up to Dean's Ravine and die

where Man and Dad first ditched me. Or I'll try,

at least…

COMMITTEE CHAIRMAN: Do try.

BROTHER-IN-LAW: Try hard.

TALIPED: I will; and yet

I know somehow that my end won't be met

in any ordinary way. Some queer

fate lies ahead for me; if not this year,

then next — - some strange, spectacular surprise.

BROTHER-IN-LAW: Nonsense. Must you always dramatize

everything you do?

TALIPED: Grant one request,

Uncle dear…

BROTHER-IN-LAW: What now?

TALIPED:/ have the best-