Mo Yan - Frog

I was supposed to have had a letter from my unit to register for marriage, but Lu Mazi, the civil administration clerk laughed and said, No need for that. Your aunt has already talked to us. Wan Xiaopao, my son is a soldier in your unit, he said. He enlisted last year. He’s a smart boy and is quick to learn. Keep an eye on him for me, okay?

I paused when I was about to put my fingerprint in the marriage register, because I was reminded of having done the same thing with Wang Renmei in the same register in the same room with the same Lu Mazi. I’d left a bright red print in the book. Ah! Renmei said, showing her happy surprise. It’s a whorl!

Lu Mazi looked at me, then at Little Lion and said with a phoney smile, Wan Zu, you’re a lucky man. You’ve managed to marry the commune’s number one beauty. He pointed to the registry. Put your finger here. What are you waiting for?

Lu Mazi’s comments sounded a lot like ridicule — in essence, that’s what they were — Damn it, to hell with him. Okay, no more stalling! Life is short, I said to myself, and many things are determined by fate. Better to row with the flow than against it. Besides, things are too far along for me not to do it. What would that do to Little Lion? I’ve already ruined one woman’s life; I can’t ruin another’s.

At the time I was under the impression that Gugu was so caught up in arranging the wedding that she’d forgotten about Wang Dan. I’d thought she might have relented a bit and would use the wedding as an excuse to let enough time to pass for Wang Dan to have her baby. I’d soon realise, though, that Gugu’s sense of loyalty to her work had taken on maniacal proportions. She was obsessed with carrying out her tasks. I had no reason to doubt her good faith in bringing Little Lion and me together, for she was convinced that we were meant to be a couple. But her extravagant preparations for our wedding, her release of Chen Bi and his daughter from detention, and her announcement that the villagers no longer had to search for Wang Dan were all part of a smokescreen designed to lessen the vigilance of Wang Dan and whoever was hiding her. For Gugu it was a two-birds-with-one-stone strategy. What she hoped to achieve was to see a follower who was like her own daughter be married to her nephew and have a place to call home, and, at the same time, for Wang Dan to be taken into custody and the criminal foetus in her belly taken out and destroyed before it was too late. Using this sort of language to describe Gugu’s work may seem inappropriate, but I can’t come up with anything better.

On the morning before the wedding ceremony, I went to Mother’s grave, as custom dictated, to burn some ‘happy money’; ostensibly, I guess, to notify her spirit and invite her to the ceremony. After I lit the paper, a tiny whirlwind rose up and carried the ash in circles around the head of the grave. Of course I knew this was easily explained by laws of physics, but it unnerved me nonetheless. Mother’s tottering image floated in my head and her wise, simple, meaningful words rang in my ears. Tears filled my eyes. I wondered what she would think about this marriage if she could talk.

The whirlwind abruptly left Mother’s gravesite and moved over to the grassy area at the head of Renmei’s grave. At that moment an oriole in a peach tree released a long cheerless call that nearly tore my insides apart. Peaches had ripened on the vast grove of trees; the two gravesites were in our family grove. I picked two red-tipped peaches, laid one before Mother’s grave and threaded my way through the trees to Renmei’s grave with the other. As I was leaving the house, Father said, Don’t forget to burn some paper for her too.

I haven’t had time yet, Renmei, I said silently, and I’m so sorry. But I won’t forget you, I’ll remember all the good things about you. Little Lion is a good person who will take good care of Yanyan. I won’t stay with her if she doesn’t.

After burning some paper at the head of her grave, I went up, laid down a sheet of paper, weighted it down, and set the second peach on it. Renmei, I said silently, though I know you are unhappy, I ask you with all my heart to come to my wedding with Mother. I’ll put four steamed buns, some dishes of food, and that treat you thought at first had a medicinal taste, but then got addicted to — chocolate with liquor in the middle — on the altar table in the central room. The dead deserve our respect. Please enjoy the food!

On my way home from the graveyard, the path was lined with knee-high weeds; rainwater filled the ditches. Pear groves stretched south all the way to the Black Water River and west to the Jiao River. Growers were picking the ripe fruit, as three-wheeled tractors moved quickly down the broad road.

Wang Gan appeared in front of me, blocking my way, as if he’d popped out of the ground. He was standing there in a military uniform that was neither new nor old — the thought struck me that it was the uniform I’d given him the year before — and a fresh haircut. He was clean-shaven. Though slim as ever, he seemed especially energetic, having done away with his old slovenly look. His spirited appearance was comforting, though I couldn’t shake an uneasy feeling.

Wang Gan… I tell you, in fact…

Wang Gan held his hands out and smiled, exposing his yellowed teeth. Xiaopao, he said, you don’t have to explain, I understand, I really do, and I congratulate you both.

Old friend… all sorts of thoughts crammed my mind. I reached out to shake his hand.

He took a step backward. I’ve awakened from a dream. What they call love is really a sickness, and I’ve been cured of mine.

That’s great. Truth is, you and Little Lion weren’t a good match. All you have to do is pull yourself together and you can accomplish something big. And when that happens, you’ll be able to choose an even more outstanding girl.

I’m a worthless man, and I owe you an apology. Did you see the ashes on Wang Renmei’s grave? I’m the one who burned spirit paper for her. If I hadn’t reported her, Yuan Sai wouldn’t be in prison and your wife and baby would still be alive. I’m a murderer.

You’re not to blame for any of that, I said.

I wanted to make myself feel better with some grand justification, like ‘reporting an illegal pregnancy is the responsibility of all citizens’ or ‘it’s all right to sacrifice family for the motherland’, but they didn’t make me feel better at all. I wasn’t enlightened; I did it for my own selfish desires, in order to win Little Lion’s heart. Because of that I developed terrible insomnia, and the minute I shut my eyes I could see Renmei coming with bloody hands to gouge out my heart… I don’t think I have many days to live…

You’re thinking too much, Wang Gan, I said. You did nothing wrong. You’re not superstitious, so you know that when a person dies, that’s the end of it. But even if a person’s spirit lived on, Renmei would not hound you. She was a good woman of pure heart.

She absolutely was a good woman, Wang Gan agreed. And that makes me feel even worse. Don’t waste your sympathy on me, Xiaopao, and I don’t deserve to be forgiven. I’ve been waiting for you today to ask a favour…

What is it, my friend?

Please have Little Lion tell Gugu that when Wang Dan climbed out of the well that day, she came straight to my house. She is, after all, my sister, and when she begged me to save her life and that of the child in her belly, even if I had a heart as cold and hard as steel, I couldn’t help but be moved. I put her in a manure basket and covered her with dry wheat stalks and a hempen sack. Then I tied the basket to the back of my bicycle and rode out of the village. I was stopped and questioned by your aunt’s hidden sentry, Qin He, at the head of the village. Your aunt really was born at the wrong time and engaged in the wrong occupation. She’d have been better suited to leading troops into battle. Of all the people I could have encountered, Qin He, your aunt’s running dog, was the worst. I was willing to give up anyone for Little Lion, and he was ready to do the same for your aunt. He stopped me and asked where I was going. We’d seen each other in front of the hospital many times but had never exchanged a word; and yet, I could tell that he viewed me as a friend, since we suffered from the same malady. I’d come to his aid when he’d run afoul of Gao Men and Lu Huahua outside the Supply and Marketing Co-op restaurant. Gao, Lu, Qin, Wang — he was the Qin, I was the Wang — Northeast Gaomi Township’s four morons came together on the street that day and put on a monkey show for the bystanders. You may not know it, my friend, but when someone is called a fool, even when he isn’t one, it’s amazingly liberating. I got down off my bicycle and stared at Qin He.