Atticus Lish - Preparation for the Next Life

You just got out.

Yeah, I just got out.

I saw the garb, your coat — I thought you were military, but I wasn’t sure if it was you or someone else I spoke with.

No, it was me.

Well, she said. Well, we owe you. That’s my belief.

I just came back from three tours in Iraq, he said.

Three tours?

Not one. Not two. Three.

She shook her head. Goodness. My word. She looked over her shoulder in the direction of the refrigerator. I’d give you a beer if I had one. If I was still tending bar.

They stop-lossed me.

Where they don’t let you go.

Yeah, they don’t let you go, even though you’re supposed to.

We’ve heard about that. It’s been on the news.

You might have a doctor saying you need to get out, a med board or whatever, or a baby on the way or some shit, and they don’t let you go even though, on your contract, they’re supposed to. Legally, they’re screwing you over. Legally, they’re just saying screw this piece of paper, you’re going back in.

They don’t have people for the war.

I was supposed to be out a hell of a lot sooner, but they kept putting me back in. I had to do thirty-six months of combat duty.

Well—

That’s supposed to be okay.

Well, you’re out, thank God.

He shook his head.

You’re out and in one piece, she said.

Yeah.

You served, thank God, and you’re in one piece, and now you’re out. She reached out and tapped her cigarette in the ashtray in the center of her table.

The woman said, We have a friend, a friend of my daughter’s, the Gambias — down the block — they have a son in the army — the army or the marines, one of the two — and he’s going over, over to Iraq. He’s there already, come to think of it. It’s the 82 ndwing, the 82 ndsomething.

Airborne.

That could be it. They’re an elite, I know that much. It’s a special platoon that they only take the top. I couldn’t believe what these men do, when she told me. They have running and pushups and the usual, bad enough, but then she says they put rocks in the backpacks until the men start throwing up. The highest number of battles or wins, she was saying.

I wouldn’t know.

They’re famous outside the army, but I can’t remember the name. They have a saying. His mother wears the t-shirt when she comes. Barbara. In her glory. I guess you wouldn’t happen to know the saying? I wish I remembered it. She was telling me. I’d tell her to get me a shirt, but I don’t think it’d fit me.

He didn’t say anything.

Like I said, I’d offer you a beer. She raised her head to project her voice down the hallway and called out, Erin! and when there was no answer, she twisted her head around over the other shoulder, trying to turn herself towards the refrigerator. She pushed the table, which jolted on its legs, but her chair didn’t move. He heard her take a breath and prepare to turn her body. Her foot slid on the linoleum.

You wanna do me a favor? Check the fridge, I should have a beer in there, at least one.

He got up and went to her refrigerator, which had the look of when a lot of people share it. It smelled like mayo turning hard. There was a cardboard case of Michelob, a twenty-four pack, dominating an entire shelf. He stuck his hand in the ragged hole in the cardboard and felt nothing in there until he had his arm all the way in and felt a single cold can all the way on the inside.

He cracked the can open, fell into his chair, mumbled thank you, slung his head back and drank off half of it. Wiped his chin. A belch snuck up on him — a loud one.

Better?

Whoops.

Don’t mention it. I’ve raised two sons and a husband. You’d think it was prehistoric times.

Yeah, he said.

Believe me, they think it’s Conan the Barbarian.

She grinned. A missing canine tooth.

Don’t get me wrong, they’re good Irish men, she said gravely.

He lifted his beer can six inches off the table and set it down. I hear ya.

Anyway! she said and stubbed her cigarette out. You’re here for the room. She began to describe it in her strong, hoarse voice. It was clean, she told him. The paint was new. The neighborhood used to be Irish. Now it was take-your-pick.

He swallowed the rest of the beer, which mixed with the medication in his bloodstream, creating a tightening effect at the base of his skull.

Chinese, he said.

When she told him to go take a look at it, he said he didn’t need to.

I’d prefer if you did.

Hey, if it’s got four walls, that’s all I need. Is it a room?

Just go and look at it already. See what you think.

So he said yes ma’am and got to his feet and went down the stairs in the pitch dark to the basement, palm stroking the wall until he felt the switch.

There was a flat click and the lights came on, recessed inside acoustic ceiling tiles. He smelled Pine Sol. It was so quiet he could hear the refrigerator, the boiler ticking. His footfalls. The dried white Ajax in the metal sink next to the stove with the four electric coils. He opened the bedroom door and his shadow stretched out across the floor and touched the patterned sheets. The space was neat and empty. There was a plastic broom and dustpan in a corner.

Still carrying his beer can, he climbed back upstairs.

The woman acknowledged his return by reaching for her Slims and taking another one out.

Okay, so what’s the story? You’ve seen it, what are we doin here?

It’s good to go.

Is that a yes? Okay. Put your can down, for goodness sakes. Put it there — the trash is there. Siddown. Take a seat. She lit her smoke and tossed the Bic lighter on the table like a poker chip. Looked at him. Told him what the room was going for. He already knew. I know you know, I’m just going over it. When we get your money, you get the key.

He was like, no problem.

The smoke ribboned up from her cigarette. He noticed it was night outside the window.

She went over a few things. This was a family house. She didn’t get involved in people’s business. I don’t expect men to be angels. That’s not what I’m looking for, but there are limits. I’ll put a man out — not that I would, unless it was an unusual situation.

Skinner said, I respect that.

She said good, and he was like no problem, whatever you say, to everything she said.

HE WOULD COME TO her job and wait until she was done and take her back in a gypsy cab because the bus took too long. She made her way down the carpeted stairs into the basement, Skinner behind her, saying Go on. She saw the bare walls in gray shadow, the empty kitchen. They went into his room and he turned on the light for her. The boiler smelled like copper in the closet. She went to the bed and sat and crossed her legs and leaned back on her hands, watching him kicking off his boots and tearing off his camouflage.

Here comes a wolf. I am afraid.

Much later in the night, they would open his room door and let out the heat that had been generated. Wearing only her t-shirt, she followed him out to the kitchen where it seemed cold by contrast. The light felt blinding and a reflection of the room covered the black rectangle of the window above the sink. He checked the empty cabinets for food. Negative, he said, perspiration shining at his temples. She drank water from the sink. We will eat water, she smiled and wiped her chin. No, we’re not down to that yet. He ordered pizza and they ate it sitting at the small round table next to the fridge. I was starving, weren’t you? She let him feed her. She licked his hand. They ate it all and he leaned back in his boxers and lit a cigarette, his hard white knee against her thigh.

When she went back into his room to get her jeans, she saw what they had done to the bed, the mauled sheet. His camouflage gear and clothes were all over the floor. He slept in his poncholiner. On the bedside table were his pills and his lifter’s magazine and a strip of four condoms with blue wrappers. The room smelled like him and her, their sweat, latex, and tobacco. All about the room were empty beer cans he used as ashtrays. Under the bed, there was a used yellow wet latex condom. Another one was twisted in the poncholiner. Her eyes scanned over his cigarettes, his jeans. His boots were lying where he had kicked them off. A pair of blue faded cotton panties had fallen on them, hers.