Fuminori Nakamura - Evil and the Mask

“I haven’t had many customers lately, so Azumi suggested asking you to invite me out. It must be a pain. But even though you kindly agreed, suddenly there seemed to be some kind of trouble between the manager and the owner of the building, and the bar was closed for the day.”

“Oh, well. I guessed there must have been a problem of some sort.”

“I don’t know, but I’m very sorry for putting you out.”

“No, no, don’t worry about it.”

Beneath her white suit, her legs were sheathed in black stockings. Around her slender neck she wore a silver necklace. I couldn’t bring myself to look at the supple movements of her body directly.

When I’d received her email invitation, I had immediately replied that I would come, but I had no idea what I would do when I met her, what we would talk about. Everything I had to do was already done. I had thought my life was already over before I had the plastic surgery, when I was standing on the roof of my condo looking down into the void without a thought in my head. In spite of that, I’d kept on living. And now I’d ended up here, and there was nothing left for me to do.

“Mr. Shintani?”

Kaori was staring at me with her big round eyes. Since it wasn’t a work day she wasn’t wearing much make-up, and she was so beautiful it made my heart ache.

“Are you all right?”

“Sorry?”

It didn’t feel like we’d been there that long, but the café had emptied out. The businessman with the briefcase was still there, though. I couldn’t shake the feeling that the bottle of poison was inside.

“I’m sorry for dragging you all this way. You must have better things to do.”

“No, no, it’s not that,” I said.

I tried to smile to smooth things over, but the muscles in my face wouldn’t function properly.

“I’m just a bit tired from work.”

“Sorry.”

“Oh, it’ll be all right. I’m on holiday at the moment, but I still haven’t caught up on sleep.”

I finished my iced coffee, then reached for my cigarettes, just to give my hands something to do.

“Is your work really busy?”

“No, well, no more than any other office job.”

The waiter refilled my water glass with a smile. Kaori was drinking her tea. I hadn’t noticed it arrive. Her lips were moist.

“What do you do?”

“Oh, just trading.”

I remembered with a leaden feeling that I was actually unemployed.

“It sounds hard.”

“Not really. Your job looks difficult too.”

“Not at all.”

She laughed. It brought back memories of her laughter as a child.

“The club isn’t that busy. I guess it’s nothing to joke about. At the moment we get a basic flat wage, but they’re saying we could go to working on commission. If that happens I might have to quit.”

“What would you do then?”

“Mm, who knows?”

She rested her arms on the table. Her slender fingers were moving slightly.

“When I was young, I thought about going to college and training as a nurse.”

Her voice tailed off.

“You could still do that.”

“No, it’s impossible. I don’t have the confidence. And I don’t have much money.”

I thought of all the money the Kukis must have sent her.

“But your job looks like it pays well.”

“Mm. Well, I have money and I don’t. I’d feel bad about using it.”

“Feel bad?”

My pulse quickened.

“Yeah. I can’t explain it very well, but a long time ago I was living with this rich family, and they gave me some money, but I caused them nothing but trouble.”

I was about to object, but she continued.

“So nursing or anything like that is impossible, no matter what I do. Even going back to school is impossible.”

“It’s never too late,” I said, but my words sounded hollow.

The waiter filled my glass once more, still with the same fixed smile. I looked at my watch.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I said. “I’ve taken up too much of your time, when you could be relaxing on your day off.”

She gave a small shake of the head.

“No, you’re the one who made time for me. If you don’t have to rush off, maybe we could talk for a bit longer.”

She looked out the window.

“It’s a nice day. Shall we go for a walk?”

I looked outside too. It was chilly, and Kaori wasn’t warmly dressed.

“But it looks cold.”

“In that case, how about going for a drive? This is a pretty area.”

And she smiled at me again.

KAORI HAD CASUALLY suggested a drive because she’d taken it for granted that I’d come by car, so she was very apologetic when I said I’d rent one, but I filled out the papers for a Prius at a rental agency in front of the station. She kept asking if I minded, and I replied jokingly that since she worked in a high-class club, it was peculiar that she’d get stressed about money. She took me seriously, however, and started apologizing even more profusely, so I had to explain myself. It was a bit windy outside, and the air felt dry. During our awkward exchange a junior high school couple walked past, holding hands with just the tips of their fingers. We got into the car.

Kaori’s discreet perfume enveloped me. We were too close, and the whiteness of her clothes overwhelmed me. Even after I switched on the ignition I couldn’t compose myself. The sheen of her stockinged legs was right there beside me. When I looked at them my heart fluttered, and I was painfully aware of her breasts as well. My entire happiness was sitting beside me, and I knew it would never be mine. The happiness that had turned up in my life once before like some kind of mistake, that had accepted me, and that had soon vanished into the distance. Memories of that time came flooding back, mingling with Kaori’s immediate presence, more beautiful than ever. But she was really there, it wasn’t a dream. Her warm body, Kaori herself, who had accepted without flinching my habit of collecting hair and toenails, was in the seat next to me. She was watching me curiously. Her face, too, was too close.

“Um, Kaori?” I said, gripping the steering wheel and staring straight ahead. “If you could, would you mind getting in the back?”

“Huh?”

“You’re so pretty that having you sitting next to me makes me nervous.”

She looked bewildered.

“What? I’m not that good-looking. And you’re friends with Azumi.”

“I really am nervous. Please?”

Clearly she found my request bizarre, but she got out and climbed into the back seat.

A silence fell over the car. At first she tried to hold it in, but soon she burst out laughing. I also smiled faintly, aware of the absurdity of our seating arrangements, of the whole situation.

“You’re funny, Mr. Shintani!”

Maybe she really did think so. But perhaps romance is always absurd.

“Okay,” I said. “Let’s go. I haven’t driven in a long time, so let’s find somewhere without too much traffic.”

“You look like a chauffeur.”

We drove along the avenue. The trees were draped with cords for the New Year illumination, but since it was still daytime the lights hadn’t been turned on. I wanted to find some quieter roads, but I didn’t know Tokyo very well. It wasn’t exactly rush hour, but we had to stop and start a lot. Kaori didn’t seem to mind, though. She murmured that it was nice and warm, probably because the heater was on. She was watching me from behind, leaning forward on the seat.

“Oh, guess what? The manager I told you about, the one I don’t like? He left.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah. But it looks like he was let go because sales are down, so at the same time I felt a bit sorry for him.”

“Ah, I see.”

Her voice touched my heart.