David Peace - Red or Dead

I’m sorry, said Ness. I’m sorry about all this …

Please stop saying sorry, love. It’s me who should be saying sorry to you, love. Me who should have been home sooner …

Ness shook her head. And Ness smiled –

Did you win, asked Ness. Today?

No, love. We lost two — nil.

Ness shook her head again. And Ness closed her eyes –

I’m sorry, said Ness again. I’m sorry, love.

Bill stood up. Bill leant over the bed. Bill kissed Ness on her forehead. And Bill said, It doesn’t matter, love. It doesn’t matter. You just rest, love. You just sleep now, love …

Ness opened her eyes again. And Ness smiled at Bill.

Bill sat back down in the chair beside the bed. Beside his wife. Bill reached back over to the bed. Back over to Ness. And Bill took her hand. Bill held her hand. Bill squeezed her hand –

Bill would not let it go.

And Ness smiled again. And Ness closed her eyes again.

Beside the bed, the hospital bed. Beside his wife, beside his Ness. In the night and in the silence. The long night and the long silence. Bill knew nothing. Nothing but Ness. Ness and work.

That was all Bill knew. Ness and work.

That was all. All there was.

Ness and work.

…

In the corridor, the Anfield corridor. Outside the office, the office of Bill Shankly. On the Monday morning, the Monday morning after Liverpool Football Club had lost two — nil to Arsenal Football Club. The Monday morning after Phil Thompson had not played against Arsenal Football Club. Phil Thompson was standing in the corridor outside the door to the office of Bill Shankly. Phil Thompson was rehearsing the words he would say to Bill Shankly. Phil Thompson was getting things straight in his mind. Ronnie Moran had told Phil Thompson he thought Phil would be playing on Saturday against Arsenal Football Club. But Phil Thompson had not played on Saturday against Arsenal Football Club. Ronnie Moran had told Phil Thompson he thought Phil should have played on Saturday against Arsenal Football Club. Ronnie Moran had said, You should go and see the Boss, lad. You should go and ask him why you didn’t play on Saturday. Why he left you out. It’s important you see him, lad. It’s important you ask him. The Boss will think more of you if you go and see him. If you go and ask him, lad …

In the corridor, in front of the door. The door to Bill Shankly. Rehearsing the words in his head, getting them straight in his mind. His mind racing, his heart beating. Phil Thompson saw the door fly open. And Phil Thompson saw Bill Shankly. In the corridor, outside his office. Bill said, Hello, son. How are you today? You well, son?

Phil Thompson swallowed and Phil Thompson stammered –

Well, I was hoping I might have a word with you, Boss …

Then step inside, son. And sit yourself down …

Bill held open the door for Phil Thompson. Phil Thompson stepped into the office. Bill closed the door. And Bill said, Sit down, son. Sit down. Don’t be standing on ceremony now, son. And now you tell me what’s on your mind, son. Come on now. Don’t keep me guessing, son. Don’t be keeping me in suspense now …

Phil Thompson sat down in front of the desk. Phil Thompson stared across the desk at Bill Shankly. Phil Thompson swallowed again, Phil Thompson cleared his throat. And Phil Thompson stammered –

I was just wondering why didn’t I play on Saturday, Boss?

Bill leapt back up onto his feet. And Bill shouted, Play? Why didn’t you play? You are asking me why you didn’t play? Jesus Christ, son. You should be thanking me you didn’t play. I wouldn’t play you in the same team as that load of rubbish: Clemence, Lawler, Lindsay, Smith, Lloyd, Hughes, Keegan, Hall, Boersma, Toshack and Callaghan. Jesus Christ. Every one of them is crap. Every one of them a has-been. They are the past. But you are the future, son. The future. How old are you, son? Eighteen years old? Jesus Christ. And you’re asking me why you didn’t play? Jesus Christ. You are going to play for this club for the next ten years. You are the future of this club, son. A future captain of this club. A future captain of England, son. Jesus Christ. Now be off with you, son. Get out of here. Before I change my mind, son. Before I make you train with the reserves. Before I make you play for the reserves again. Go on, get out. Out with you …

…

In the ward, in the chair. Beside the bed, beside his wife. In the evening and in the silence. Bill reached across the blankets. Back over to his wife, back over to Ness. Bill took her hand. Bill held her hand.

Ness opened her eyes. Ness turned her face to Bill –

You’re never still here? Have you nothing better to do, love?

Bill smiled. Bill shook his head. And Bill said, No, love.

Ness smiled again. And Ness closed her eyes again.

In the ward, in the chair. Beside the bed, beside his wife. In the evening and in the silence. The nurse came to tell Bill it was time he should go home. And Bill stood up. Bill leant over the bed. Bill kissed Ness on her forehead. And Bill whispered, I’ll see you tomorrow, love. I’ll see you tomorrow. You sleep well now, love. You sleep well.

Bill walked out of the ward. Bill walked down the stairs. And Bill walked out of the hospital. Bill got to his car. Bill got into his car. And Bill drove home. In the night and in the silence. Bill pulled into the drive. Bill got out of his car. And Bill went up the drive. In the night and in the silence. Bill took out his key. Bill unlocked the front door. And Bill opened the door. In the dark and in the silence. Bill took off his hat, Bill took off his coat. And Bill hung up his coat and hat. In the dark and in the silence. Bill went down the hall. Bill went into the kitchen. And Bill switched on the light. In the night and in the silence. Bill went to the drawer. Bill opened the drawer. And Bill took out the tablecloth. Bill closed the drawer. Bill walked over to the table. And Bill spread the cloth over the table. Bill walked over to another drawer. Bill opened the drawer. And Bill took out the cutlery. The spoon. The fork. And the knife. Bill closed the drawer. Bill walked back over to the table. And Bill laid one place at the table. Bill went to the cupboard. Bill opened the cupboard door. And Bill took out the crockery. The bowl and the plate. Bill walked back over to the table. Bill put the bowl and the plate on the table. And Bill walked back to the cupboard. Bill took out a glass. Bill closed the cupboard door. And Bill walked back to the table. Bill put the glass on the table. Bill walked to another cupboard. And Bill opened the door. Bill took out the salt and pepper pots. Bill closed the cupboard door. And Bill walked back to the table. Bill put the salt and pepper pots on the table. Bill went to the pantry. And Bill opened the pantry door. Bill took out a jar of honey. Bill walked back to the table. And Bill put the jar of honey on the table. Bill walked over to the refrigerator. Bill opened the refrigerator door. And Bill took out the butter dish. Bill walked back over to the table. Bill put the butter dish down in the centre of the table. And Bill walked back over to the refrigerator. Bill took out a bottle of fresh orange juice. Bill closed the refrigerator door. And Bill walked back over to the table. Bill put down the bottle of orange juice on the table. And in the night and in the silence. In the kitchen, at the table. Bill stared down at the spoon. The fork and the knife. The bowl and the plate. The glass on the table. And in the night and in the silence. In the kitchen, at the table. Bill knelt down. Bill put his hands together. Bill closed his eyes. And Bill said a prayer. Over and over,

the same prayer. The one prayer.

…

On the bench, the bench at Maine Road. In the forty-third minute, Bill watched Summerbee float a free kick over the Liverpool defence. And Booth met the free kick. Booth headed the free kick. Into the net and into a goal. In the sixty-ninth minute, Bill watched Tommy Smith argue with the referee. And the referee sent Smith off for dissent. In the seventy-fourth minute, Bill took off Steve Heighway. And Bill sent on Brian Hall. One minute later, Bill watched Alec Lindsay take a free kick. And Hall touched on the free kick to Boersma. Boersma spun, Boersma turned. Boersma shot and Boersma scored. And Liverpool Football Club drew one-all with Manchester City. Away from home, away from Anfield. Another draw. That afternoon, Arsenal Football Club beat Leicester City. Arsenal Football Club had forty-four points now. And Liverpool Football Club had forty-two points. That evening, Arsenal Football Club were still first in the First Division. And Liverpool Football Club were still second in the First Division. But not by one point. Now by two points –