Goliarda Sapienza - The Art of Joy

Carmine brought us news every evening when he returned from his rounds, and if it hadn’t been for him we wouldn’t even have had any salt, sugar or medicines. He said that all the shops were closed, many draped in mourning. The hospitals were overflowing with the sick and dying. In the province of Messina, all the prisoners had managed to escape. In the larger towns, these criminals and other impromptu thieves looted houses while sick people watched, powerless to stop them. Every doctor had been pressed into service, along with students with only one or two years of medical school. The battle against the rats had begun. Even there, in the villa, they began to appear, big as cats and ravenous. For weeks we struggled with exhaustion, filth and fear. My only consolation throughout this nightmare was a small hope: in addition to children, the virulent disease they called the spagnola — to make it seem less frightening — killed older people in particular. Yet when the Princess sent for me, and I saw the strength of spirit as well as the physical power of that grand old woman, who sat up in bed as firm and proud as if she were on a throne, I was almost happy to hear her shouting in her usual voice.

‘Well then, how is Cavallina?’

‘Better. The danger is past.’

Beatrice, who was the first to fall ill, had been out of danger for just a few days. And so thin and shaky that my throat tightened at the thought that, instead of the Princess, it was she I had almost lost.

‘And Argentovivo?’

‘Fine, just fine.’

‘She was a big help to you, wasn’t she?’

‘An enormous help.’

‘I will repay her. That’s not why I called you, but rather to tell you that I cannot move my legs, and this arm as well. To make a long story short, I am unable to move my entire left side. Not a word! Don’t betray my trust. Not a tear, not a word to anyone. I don’t want anyone to know! No one must see me like this, except for the doctor, of course. Therefore, given that, as I said, I do not wish to be seen by anyone, from now on you will be in the room next door at all times and you will look after me. But not a word to anyone. Not even after I am dead. I don’t want to be pitied, either alive or dead. Now off with you. Go get your things, your books, and come back here immediately. Here, because in case of an attack you must immediately run to the doctor after giving me these pills, even if you have to pry open my mouth with pliers.’

In the three weeks we spent together, my admiration for her only grew. Not one complaint, not when the attacks came, nor when she laboured to rest or talk to me. She talked about everything, but especially poetry. She asked me who my favourite poet was, now that I understood poetry, and had me read her something. The more I admired her, the more I waited for the moment of her death. One reason was that now, no matter how much I tightened my corset, my waist was swelling, and she, though ill, stared at my hips with increasing suspicion.

‘How come you’ve put on so much weight, Mody? You’re not playing tricks on me, are you? I told you that I don’t want any children from that “thing”! Tell me if that’s the case, since in the early months, with a good doctor, it’s child’s play to get rid of it.’

‘Don’t worry, Princess, there’s nothing to tell. It’s just that I’ve been eating too much lately.’

‘So then, eat less. I don’t like you this way. You lose your gracefulness, and your peasant origins show in those puffy cheeks.’

She had to die. My insane will to live against her insane will to die.

‘Oh, Mody, this letter here on the nightstand is for Don Carmine. If anything final happens to me, you are to give it to him immediately. Understood?’

She had to die. I had waited too long. And when another attack came, instead of giving her the pills and running to the doctor, as I had always done, I stood behind the closed door and waited until the last moan fell silent in that room. Then I went back in. Were the bulging eyes looking at me? No, they were staring at the door. I looked away; that wasn’t what I had come back for. After closing her eyes I took the letter and read it. It was not a new will. The letter told Carmine that the will was where he knew it was, and so on and so forth.

With the letter in hand, I ran to get the will, which I slipped into a large Chinese vase at the foot of the staircase, along with the letter. I would burn them afterwards. Now I had to run to the doctor. Ten or fifteen minutes could go unnoticed, but any longer would strain even the credulity of that myopic old man with his fine, flyaway hair like a child’s.

The will could not be found. Everyone bustled around looking for it, and I too of course, right behind them, but only to keep an eye on Carmine.

As I knew he would, he went to Ignazio’s room followed by Don Antonio and the doctor, and after glancing at the papers on the nightstand, he turned to the three of us who had trailed after him in single file.

‘If there’s nothing here, I can assure you, Don Antonio, that there is no will.’

‘No will? How can that be? She told me many times…’

‘Of course, me too. But you know what the Princess was like, God rest her soul … You, like me, were with her for twenty years.’

‘And what was she like? Tell us.’

‘Don’t you think she liked to play tricks at times?’

‘That’s true, but…’

‘The facts speak for themselves. We searched the whole villa with a fine-tooth comb. If it’s not even in here, her favourite room, it means she changed her mind, or that she never made a will. But what are you upset about, Don Antonio? About the construction of the church? There’s no need. We have the Princess Modesta here who knows what should be done. She’s the last person to have heard the spoken wishes of the Princess, her mother-in-law, and surely she knows what is to go to the church and everyone else. Am I right, Princess?’

Carmine did not look at me, but he was showing me what I must do. What could I have known about inheritances if he hadn’t told me? As best I could, I reassured Don Antonio, who followed me everywhere, even into the Princess’s study where, after hours of discussions, we came to an agreement. I would never have imagined such tenacity and determination in that churchly old man. As soon as the black skirt disappeared behind the door, Carmine burst out laughing so loudly that I almost fell off my chair. I hadn’t heard him laugh in months.

‘How does it feel to be in that chair, figghia ? It doesn’t look too comfortable to me. You’ll have to do a lot of practising to keep the wind from blowing you out of the saddle.’

I hated it when he talked to me like that.

‘What are you trying to say?’

‘I’m not saying anything. Did you see, I didn’t say a word? I just observe.’

‘Did you know that I’m expecting your child?’

‘I hadn’t been told yet, but I’ve noticed. I observe, as I said.’

‘Why didn’t you tell me it could happen? You’re an old man.’

‘There’s young sap in this old tree. Why are you sorry? You shouldn’t be sorry since, if you ask me, ’stu figghiu , this baby, comes just at the right time. Once it’s born, especially if it’s a boy, it will stop all those tongues down in Catania from wagging. If I were you, figghia , I wouldn’t be sorry and I would give up this mania for the city that has come over you. I can read it in your eyes; it’s unwholesome. And I’ll even tell you why: first, because Catania is still infected with influenza, and second, because it’s better if you show up bolstered by a fine male Brandiforti.’

I couldn’t understand what he was really thinking, but I had to restrain myself. What would I do without him? Even now that he stood up, and without a word held my head in his hands, I would have liked to throw him out. But the dry heat of his palms calmed me.